I don't know where difficult child is!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    Bad News -- the asst. principal ran into difficult child again this morning and he told her off for accusing him of fighting. She said he had to go to ISS so he ran off. I don't know what to do!
    easy child is falling apart with stress from her Math class (her worst subject) plus her huh best friend and her cheater boyfriend are posting hateful things to her of fb. She told my easy child that she did not hold her friendship in high regard anymore.

    husband was a major jerk to both difficult child and me last night.

    I was ruby slippers to tap together and wake up from this nightmare.

    difficult child was not on the bus I guess I am going to go look for him in this snow storm:faint:
  2. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    I let difficult child stay out in the cold until he has the sense to want to come in, of course that is once he is home already. Missing from school would certainly make me worry. Has he done this before, has he got a regular "hide out" at a friends house?

    That is so sad about easy child too. I just don't get it with kids these days. Everything is so Jerry Springer and not in a good way. Kids did scandalous things when I was in school but it was usually in private and frowned upon. Now it seems like they get cool points for being beasts.

    I am so sorry you and the kiddos are having such a yucky day. Look at the bright side the day is more than half over. :faint:
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Do you think you should call the police to find your difficult child?
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I don't know the whole story obviously...but a call to the police may be in order. If he is very unstabe they might be able to pick him up and transport him directly to a crisis center or ER.

    Hope he stays safe and out of trouble!!!

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, everyone is really out of control! So sorry.

    I know that others have said to call the police, but considering he's a teenager, and it's cold and snowy, I'm guessing he'll find a place to stay--anywhere from a mall to a friend's house--just to stay warm.
    It's a lot easier on my end to say, "don't worry," when I know that if I were in your shoes, I'd be very worried!
    (And ticked at husband. Sigh.)
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It's small consolation for easy child, but her exBF and her former best friend were both of them just not worth the emotional investment. That sort of behaviour - if it's from one of them only, the other should be stopping it. If it's from both of them, then neither of them is the sort of person easy child needs in her life.

    HOWEVER - it is a bullying issue and even if it's not happening at school (although I would bet that kids access FB at school, so it IS a school issue!0 then the school should still step in. It is still happening to a certain extent because of school. Schools use the internet a lot, they encourage it, so they need to follow through and enforce 'Netiquette.

    As for difficult child - unless something else has happened to him, he'll be holed up somewhere licking his emotional wounds. You know him best, you need to make this call on what to do.

    I do understand the desire for ruby slippers. But remember what you have to say - "There's no place like home!"

    Very true.

  7. mog

    mog Member

    Very true maybe I don't want ruby slippers I just need a vacation from it all--somewhere warm (as it is snowing here) where I can sit on the beach and have 5-6-7 drinks.

    I am afraid to call the police because that is how difficult child got in the system to begin with. His therapist told him that he was his own boss, he should not be doing chores unless getting paid and that is when we lost control. Then she said that when he got out of control to call the police to transport him to er for psychiatric evaluation but when they came they refused to transport and arrested him for assault and battery. I think that he is hiding out waiting for the function at the church to start but it was canceled. I figure when he finds that out he will "need a ride home" If not then I will call his JPO again.
    Say a pray for me
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Put a call into the PO- this is an issue that he/she will find about anyway and i you do your part to "monitor" and report him, it can help his chances of staying on probation instead of going to detention. If it gets past dark and you still haven't heard anything, then I'd call police but they might take him in if they find him.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Some therapists are just stupid. My difficult child's current one tried to tell me in family therapy that when my son comes home from Department of Juvenile Justice (at 15yo), I should let him go out for a couple of hours without needing to know who he's with or where he is or what he's doing, and I didn't need to "control" his life by telling him he needed to be in bed by a certain time on a school night. This therapist obviously never spent one day in juvenile court hearing what GAL's, PO's and judges say to parents whose kids have broken the law.

    It's only my personal opinion, but if a therapist is doing more harm than good- I'd lose them. One therapist told my son when he was 13yo and my son said he was curious about pot, that "a little bit won't hurt him". Well my son was on probation, I had a drug problem when I was young, and my son was on psychiatric medications- needless to say, I went thru the roof when I found this out and I never took my son back to that guy.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well there is currently an online cyber-party in the Watercooler and you are welcome to join us. :D
  11. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    I would have a fit if a therapist told my difficult child that. In fact I have had several back me up when I expect chores to be done for free. I do give rewards, not always money but I am in control of when these are earned. Expecting a payment for every service rendered gives kids a sense of entitlement. What happened to just being helpful for the sake of being helpful?

    I am not a maid servant or a slave. difficult child better scrub his own tinkle tracks from the "throne" or he can go tinkle outside. If he wants to eat he better wash some dishes. etc. etc. I don't get paid to make sure we don't run out of laundry soap or get paid to prepare meals but you best believe there would be a riot if I stopped.

    Making age appropriate contributions to the family should be an expectation. That is fair for all family members, that is how life works. If and when the parents feel a monetary reward is appropriate is entirely up to them. If a family is poor and cannot afford alowance does that mean the child doesn't have to clean their room or set a table?...ridiculous.

    Sometimes I wonder about the experts who come up with these theories and where on earth they get the authority to do it.

    Winter is kicking my rear too. Every year I think I'm going to make it but come Jan or Feb and I am out of my gourd with cabin fever. Maybe spring will bring us all some happiness.;)
  12. mog

    mog Member

    difficult child called from the church and I picked him up. He is safe. He said that he had a pass to go to the bathroom and the asst principal told he he had forged it. That she yelled at him first and he told her he didn't want to talk to her because he was still upset about accusing him yesterday. I really think now that they have it out for him and do not want him back at the school. I called the JPO and left a message that I needed to know what my options for school were so wish me luck.

    Thanks for the invite to the cyber-party maybe now that I get dinner made and the dust settles i can join.

    Yeah I do reward when I feel that he earns it but I do expect him to do his fair share of the work around here. I am not the maid either.

    What rattles me is that a lot of these so called specialists do not even have children much less a difficult child. Yeah I stopped taking him to her a long time ago but the damage is done. She was a very large lady (I am too now-I'm a stress eater-yesterday after his meltdown I went and bought red velvet twinkies and today I have had half a row of fudge striped cookies) and she would "pay" him in trips to McDonalds for burger and fries.
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I also have a hard time accepting advice about my kids from someone who has none. Or has only dealt with them professionally for a shorter time than I've been a parent.

    Both our elementary school psychologists were like that. Fresh out of grad school. Newlywed. No kids. And they thought they knew everything! Honey, come talk to me when you've squeezed a kid of your own out and got a dozen years or so under your belt. :p And that's no slight meant for adoptive parents at all. My point being that you cannot realistically counsel someone on something for which you've got absolutely zero real life experience. That's all.
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Exactly gcvmom! And my son's GAL, PO, mst guy, and current therapist fit that bill. Or at least I think the current therapist must fit it- I KNOW the others did.