I Don't Know Where to Go and What to Do

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by jal, Jul 26, 2010.

  1. jal

    jal Member

    This is not difficult child related, but husband related. He is killing me. He is not the same man I married. He plays softball in 2 leagues and is away more than he ever used to be. It will end soon (the season). He's staying out late (again) and he's drinking more (he's never been a big drinker, nor stayed out like this before). He abused me Fri night. I provoked, but he crossed the line. His behavior is becoming more and more erratic. Not a drug issue, but not good. He's been unemployed since 2008. We've been together for over 20 yrs. He just came home as I write this and I am worried.

    difficult child is tough, nothing like we've ever dealt with-in our lives. I can't take it anymore and want to go away, way away to the point of death. I am hurt, am sad and want to go, but I love him (difficult child) & husband. I am hurt am not sure what the next step should be. I think I want to leave him.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ok, I don't like the sound of this whatsoever. What do you mean "he abused you Friday night?". In my book there's no such thing as "provoking" - he can either control himself or not.

    Either way, going away to the point of death is an indicator kiddo! You need to talk to your doctor RIGHT AWAY! You sound like you've got some major league depression going on here (with our kids, it's truly not uncommon - no stigma here! :) ).

    You guys have been married for 20 years, you're young, but he's most likely going through some type of midlife crisis. That being said, he's got no right to be abusive and if he's not careful, these are the lessons that he's going to be teaching difficult child. That's ALL you need!

    I'd post this in the Watercooler if I were you. There are quite a few different members who've either lived through something like this OR helped others cope with this sort of thing.

    Keep posting Jal! We're here for you every step of the way...

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It sounds like you need to see a therapist ...quick. You need someone ITRW to vent to and get some of this out- obviously it is eating at you to extremes. Then maybe you and husband could try some counseling together, but I'd suggest going alone first. The pressures of a difficult child get to all of us- the pressures of finacial problems resulting from unemployment can easily turn the situation into a bomb waiting to go off. I know- I'm there myself. And I wouldn't want you to do anything rash now that you might regret later (decisions) so in my humble opinion, please go talk to someone ASAP! ((HUGS))
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree it is very important you talk with someone. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and I'm very worried for you. As Beth said, we are here for you. Gentle hugs.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Adding more hugs, jal. Please make a call and do whatever you need to do to take care of you.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Jal, please check in as soon as you look at this thread - we need to know that you're okay.

    We all understand the feeling of wanting to run away and there is no need to feel bad about that.

    If H is being abusive in any way (i.e., mentally, emotionally, sexually, or physically) it is NOT okay, no matter the circumstances that led to the abuse. No one has any right whatsoever to take away your personal power or invade your personal space or mistreat you.

    If you need to get away so you can gather your thoughts and speak with someone, I suggest going to a woman's shelter. If H is truly a hands on dad and loves his son, you can go without. Or, if you feel that difficult child won't be safe left at home, take him with you. I really think you need to get out of that house asap. One act of abuse can lead to further acts of abuse if nothing is done about it, it's an escalating epidemic and it sounds as though your H is suffering from depression and intense frustration. He's created outlets for himself (baseball, friends, going out) and perhaps there is a bit of midlife stuff going on there, you've been together for a long time beginning at a very young age. BUT, what about you?

    Please call a dr or helpline or seek out a women's shelter asap and remove yourself from the situation so you can speak with professionals and sort out your thoughts. Love has nothing to do with this - your safety and sanity have EVERYTHING to do with this. Many gentle hugs~ Please let us hear from you.
  8. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Bumping this up so its near the top when you have time to check in with us all and update us on how you are doing.

    Sending warm thoughts and vibes your way as you are struggling in your situation right now. Know that we are all here for you!!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm sending hugs and support, and clear thinking vibes your way.
    I agree with-the others here. I am so sorry you are going through this.
  10. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Calling Jal! Where are you? Getting concerned!!!
  11. Bean

    Bean Member

    More hugs and concern added in here. Hope you can update soon.
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Jal, we're here. We understand. We care.