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I don't want my daughter to live with me...
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 675007" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>You are not the monster but you sound very frustrated.</p><p></p><p>I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but she is your young child and you are a parent. While feeling so frustrated and tired due her behavioural problems is very understandable, you still have a responsibility to do everything you can to help her. And she needs help and you need help on how to deal with her and her behaviours.</p><p></p><p>While I'm sure you are a good parent and have tried your very best also with her, it seems like what you are doing with her doesn't work with her. Your parenting methods work with your other kids and I'm sure there are nothing generally wrong with them, but since they are not working with your daughter, chances are, she would need something else. When someone has special needs, things that work for others may not work for them. That seems to be a deal with your daughter. That certainly does not mean you would be bad parents, it means that she needs something else. That something else may be medication, therapy for her, skill coaching for her and it may also include different type of parenting strategies or daily routine. Just remember: That doesn't tell about you being a bad parent, it tells that she has special needs.</p><p></p><p>Stop blaming yourself and feeling like this would be your fault and concentrate on accepting your child as a person with different needs than average child and trying to find out what those needs are and how to accommodate them.</p><p></p><p>Some practical ideas:</p><p>- Start keeping a diary. Start with writing down your daughter's history. When, what, how? Continue with daily notes about her behaviour and other things that may have contributed. Try to find trends.</p><p>- Start looking for comprehensive evaluation from neuropsychologist or evaluation team from children's hospital, you need to be aware what you are dealing with</p><p>- Get support for yourself. You sound like you could use a break, a breather. Do you have extended family who could have her for a few days during holidays, so you could breath a little. Try to find things in life that help you manage. Things that give you joy and relaxation. Eat well, have enough exercise, try to have some time without kids regularly. Time without kids with your husband would be even better. Take good care of You! It is not easy road to be a mother of challenging child, you have to be sure not to forget yourself middle of it.</p><p>- Find support on how to parent her. There are different methods you can try and some kind of parenting counselling could help. You also need someone outsider you can talk about your negative feelings. They are normal and understandable, but if you keep them on yourself, they can be toxic. And of course they are not something your child should know about and talking too much about them with your husband just burdens both of you and may make you feel even more negative about everything.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 675007, member: 14557"] You are not the monster but you sound very frustrated. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but she is your young child and you are a parent. While feeling so frustrated and tired due her behavioural problems is very understandable, you still have a responsibility to do everything you can to help her. And she needs help and you need help on how to deal with her and her behaviours. While I'm sure you are a good parent and have tried your very best also with her, it seems like what you are doing with her doesn't work with her. Your parenting methods work with your other kids and I'm sure there are nothing generally wrong with them, but since they are not working with your daughter, chances are, she would need something else. When someone has special needs, things that work for others may not work for them. That seems to be a deal with your daughter. That certainly does not mean you would be bad parents, it means that she needs something else. That something else may be medication, therapy for her, skill coaching for her and it may also include different type of parenting strategies or daily routine. Just remember: That doesn't tell about you being a bad parent, it tells that she has special needs. Stop blaming yourself and feeling like this would be your fault and concentrate on accepting your child as a person with different needs than average child and trying to find out what those needs are and how to accommodate them. Some practical ideas: - Start keeping a diary. Start with writing down your daughter's history. When, what, how? Continue with daily notes about her behaviour and other things that may have contributed. Try to find trends. - Start looking for comprehensive evaluation from neuropsychologist or evaluation team from children's hospital, you need to be aware what you are dealing with - Get support for yourself. You sound like you could use a break, a breather. Do you have extended family who could have her for a few days during holidays, so you could breath a little. Try to find things in life that help you manage. Things that give you joy and relaxation. Eat well, have enough exercise, try to have some time without kids regularly. Time without kids with your husband would be even better. Take good care of You! It is not easy road to be a mother of challenging child, you have to be sure not to forget yourself middle of it. - Find support on how to parent her. There are different methods you can try and some kind of parenting counselling could help. You also need someone outsider you can talk about your negative feelings. They are normal and understandable, but if you keep them on yourself, they can be toxic. And of course they are not something your child should know about and talking too much about them with your husband just burdens both of you and may make you feel even more negative about everything. [/QUOTE]
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