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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 58428" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Thanks guys.........today, unfortunately, is even worse. He is currently, literally, tearing the house apart. I am numb, severely depressed, and lost at how to help him anymore. It has been years of this, with little progress. I feel doomed to live in this repetitive cycle, unless something can break.</p><p></p><p>Not that it is all about me, difficult child is obviously miserable beyond comprehension. I cannot imagine having to live my life like he feels. I feel like somewhere, somehow, I missed and am missing the piece of the puzzle that can help him. His psychiatrist just started him on a bit of paxil for his severe, disabling anxiety - which in the past has induced mania - but his anxiety is so severe and combined with such intense Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that we have to do something.</p><p></p><p>I am currently so numb and detached, that despite his tantrums I am just staring into space. I can do nothing more that I know of, he has to find the solution to this now. To top it off, I am serving his abusive father with a court order to pay his past due child support of 75K on Monday. I fully expect my ex to go into his own difficult child tantrum of epic proportions, unleashing it all upon me. I have everything in place to not be a victim of his rage, but you never know. At the very least this will exacerbate my son's behavior. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps I will just go live in a hotel for a week, and mat can deal with his father, the 4 animals, making dinner, cleaning up, mowing the lawn, and most of all his own issues - I don't know.......I just know I cannot be in the middle of this any longer. There is a song by one of the bands mat listens to, not sure of the artist, but it is a loud, angry, heavy metal band, and the whole song repeats the chorus "I am about to break, just one step closer to the edge, I am about to break." That pretty much sums it up.</p><p>Thanks for your kind thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 58428, member: 3301"] Thanks guys.........today, unfortunately, is even worse. He is currently, literally, tearing the house apart. I am numb, severely depressed, and lost at how to help him anymore. It has been years of this, with little progress. I feel doomed to live in this repetitive cycle, unless something can break. Not that it is all about me, difficult child is obviously miserable beyond comprehension. I cannot imagine having to live my life like he feels. I feel like somewhere, somehow, I missed and am missing the piece of the puzzle that can help him. His psychiatrist just started him on a bit of paxil for his severe, disabling anxiety - which in the past has induced mania - but his anxiety is so severe and combined with such intense Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that we have to do something. I am currently so numb and detached, that despite his tantrums I am just staring into space. I can do nothing more that I know of, he has to find the solution to this now. To top it off, I am serving his abusive father with a court order to pay his past due child support of 75K on Monday. I fully expect my ex to go into his own difficult child tantrum of epic proportions, unleashing it all upon me. I have everything in place to not be a victim of his rage, but you never know. At the very least this will exacerbate my son's behavior. Perhaps I will just go live in a hotel for a week, and mat can deal with his father, the 4 animals, making dinner, cleaning up, mowing the lawn, and most of all his own issues - I don't know.......I just know I cannot be in the middle of this any longer. There is a song by one of the bands mat listens to, not sure of the artist, but it is a loud, angry, heavy metal band, and the whole song repeats the chorus "I am about to break, just one step closer to the edge, I am about to break." That pretty much sums it up. Thanks for your kind thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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