I feel I am lossing it!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wes, Jun 9, 2009.

  1. wes

    wes New Member

    My difficult child is not doing well now that school is out pulse my husband went on his field mission with the army for 2 weeks HELP!!!! I am on edge I can't seem to calm down and all he does is yell cry or destroys something I know that when his dad is back and he gets into a routine it wont be as bad but it seems so far away lol calming advise would be helpfull:anxious:
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You can create a routine starting tomorrow. It is hard to stick to a routine but it is important for many difficult children to have one. It will also help you to get through the day without worrying about what will happen next.

    Set up a schedule. Schools have them and it may help your children. Have them help you make a visual poster of what will happen throughout the day.

    Get up and get dressed
    play in your room
    play outside or in family room
    quiet time (books/nap/movie)
    playoutside or in family room
    playoutside or in family room
    pick up all toys
    family time
    Get ready for bed

    Take a poster board, make a section for each activity and ask the kids to find pictures in an old magazine for each activity. Or take a few small poster boards and make up one for sections of the day (one on getting up and getting dressed, one on activities through lunch, one on activities through supper, and one on getting ready for bed)

    It may be too big of a project to do in one sitting so you make the posters and each day ask your kids to add a picture.

    The more calm you are, the easier it will be (just will not feel easy no matter what you do if you have a screamer on your hands). Take one moment at a time, you will get through this and your calmness will send a strong message that calm is how things should be. Kids can sense when you are uptight. It is hard for them to be calm when they feel stress in a parent. Try very hard to not let your kids feel how stressed you are. Put on a good front that everything is good because if they know you can not handle something, their fears will increase thus the behaviors you don't want will increase causing you more stress and a vicious cycle of everyone in the home on edge.

    Then, make sure you find your own destressing activities when the kids are sleeping.

    Let us know if there is a specific behavior you would like input on.

    I can't see your signature anymore. I think your son has been diagnosed. Who did the tests? For him to yell, scream, destroy things at this age indicates there is something going on that he can not handle. He is not feeling well or can not handle transitions. Did he behave like this in school? Have you had a neuropsychologist test done to help determine the root cause of this behavior?
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2009
  3. FlipFlops

    FlipFlops Guest

    I wish I had magic words for you, but sadly I don't. I can only offer that I feel your pain. I've read here before that instead of taking it one day at a time, take it one step at a time. Hang in there. And buy some ear plugs at the drugstore. They don't completely drown out the noise, but they can take the edge off it. It helps me sometimes. I'm sure I look a little goofy though.
  4. FlipFlops

    FlipFlops Guest

    This may not help much but get some squishy ear plugs at the drugstore. It won't drown out the noise all the way, but it does take the edge off it. It helps me. I'm sure I look pretty goofy walking around the house with them in, but whatever keeps me sane a minute longer...Hang in there.
  5. wes

    wes New Member

    Andy, I would love to make a routine but I am at work during the day so I have to rely on a sitter. My sitter is teenager and she does the bare minimum you get what you pay for. I think he will settle down when things get more stable right now his dad is gone then I had to move him in with his sisters for a week cause my grandma is here from CO plus he has a sitter instead of dad and it's summer. That is a lot to handle right now and now that I am more calm I can see that. My son has ADHD ODD turrets and a mood disorder I have not taken him to a Nero. but I am trying to. He also had a lot of problems at school he was kicked out of his private school and sent home alot from the public school, I now have an advocate so things at school are better, or were I am sure I will have more fights to come lol it's just so hard sometimes I feel I could just break down and cry, one because I feel so bad for my difficult child because he is going threw alot in his head and two, I wonder if I am doing something wrong maybee im not good enough for him I know I am but thats just how I feel at times.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is he on medication that could help him calm down?
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    We do feel your concerns over your son. Many of us have also had the same questions regarding ourselves and our own kids.

    I KNOW you are going to be a great mom because you are actively looking for ways to help him. You are definetly good enough for him. It is just hard to see the positive results when he is struggling so much. You love him and see his heart. Others often times only see the actions and thus he gets into trouble. If we could all see past those unwanted behaviors to a child/person who is trying the best he or she can and is asking for help the only way they know how, maybe more teachers and authority figures would have the patience it needs to reach the difficult children.

    Yes, it is impossible to have a routine with almost all teenage sitters. Hang in there and continue to do what you can. What does the sitter do? Does she EVER do anything WITH difficult child? When I was helping with babysitting clinics, I would encourage the sitters to actually play games with the kids. "The more you are involved with the child, the less chance the child has in getting hurt or causing trouble." Her job is to keep him safe while you are gone. Maybe you can give her some suggestions of things he likes to do that she can do with him?