I feel like a mean mum... But

[therese005us]

Hello all,

Guess you haven't missed me huh? Well, I was taken off to hospital in a hurry on Sunday morning and stayed overnight. Should have/could have stayed longer... but I HATE the public system and I had to come home so my DS could go to an interview this morning.
However, when I got him up and asked him to help with the outside chores (didn't feel like lugging bales of hay etc. in -2 degrees) so that I could make breakfast, he said it was too cold, and he didn't like doing chores in the early morning.
So, daughter and I did them and I made sure it was nearly too late to go to the interview... figured... well so sad, bad luck etc....
I got up earlier to do chores,, make breakfast (ugh! don't want porridge!! says he) and get him to the interview in plenty of time... and, hey? did I really feel like doing chores when I am feeling sick?

Discovered the cows were out and the neighbours are not happy, so I have to fix the fence now or else face a lot of trouble....

DS was not happy when I said I wasn't taking him to the interview because i was too sick, (sick more of his attitude) and I did let him know how I felt about his attitude of not helping me, and caring only that I was out of hospital so that he can be driven here and there....

Oh, half an hour after I get home, he asks me to take him out to the library.... for an hour or two (when I pointed out is was a public holiday, didn't he blush??) I found out later he was meeting someone to get some "stuff" pity his cover was blown!! but really, I just can't make it out and I am sick of his uncaring attitude... it's all about him. Yes, I know, I'm only ranting, I know it is part of his condition and I should be understanding, but really I only want to cry....

So, I am trying to pull wire out of this grass and make the fence more secure (inbewtwen vomiting quietly in the said grass) and he starts to help a little. Then says, it's too hard... so I say well, if you are in a job,a and it's too hard, you can't give up? He says, but I get paid for it. When I replied he gets paid here, he denies that, I point out, board, cleaning, food, etc. He rebutts with he pays board ($50 for his own caravan) my protest of the 'real world' goes unheeard... such as $try $200 for flat, then food, phone etc on top of that.....

Well, I have to close this now, I am so upset about it all. We were making progress and now I have probably blown it.. I thought we'd turned a corner, he has been caring and kind for at least 3 weeks now....

 

[everywoman]

I'm sorry you've been so sick and son is being such a pain. Hope things get better soon.

 

[Wiped Out]

First off I hope you are feeling better soon. I'm sorry your ds is being such a pita! Hugs!

 

[Marguerite]

I don't think you've blown it. Or if it turns out you have - then anything would have blown it, he's just usaing you as an excuse and probably would have manufactured a rift to use it as an excuse.

It's what they do, when the drugs become more important than anything/anyone else.

You did the right thing to remind him of what his priorities shouldbe, as well as pointing out that earning a living and paying your way is the main priority.

If he can't understand the urgency of repairing the fence to keep the cattle in, then he is unlikely to see the 'sense' in holding down a job to earn a wage. Not when selling drugs can net him a larger amount with minimal effort.

Sorry you're crook. At least with my bug, I've not been throwing up as well. The cough is almost that bad, though.

Thing is - when you're ill, they have to forgive you more. You can always fall back on, "But I was sick, you can't take it to heary," if they get on their high horse about it. People do this (I don't like it) and when a parent of a difficult child has to use this sort of emotional blackmail, I think it's generally justified. We have to use every trick in the book and then some.

I had a co-worker who used to use the same sort of emotional blackmail. "I'm really unwell, I shouldn't be here, so I would appreciate it if you got on with thwe job and didn't argue back the way you always do."
I wanted to say, "But I don't argue back - what are you talking about?" and immediately realised that simply by opening my mouth, I would be leaving myself wide open to an accusation of arguing back.
The bloke wasclever. But very unfair.

However - if we have to do this with our difficult children, especially when they're being a headache - go for it.

As for wanting to go to the library on a public holiday - dead givewaway!

Next time he wants to go to the library, offer to go online to check the books out for him. He can browse catalogues online, make a selection and you can collect them for him next time you're in town.

However, having been caught out, I would think purgatory would be getting very chilly before I let him out of my sight in the big smoke...

Marg