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I feel like a zombie!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626538" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Once he is eighteen, you don't need to let him live with you, considering he is abusive, probably threatening and scary at times, a thief and a drug addict. Many of us have had to deal with this. I'm sorry you have to also.</p><p></p><p>Once he turns eighteen there is legally nothing you can do to him, however you can decide what boundaries you are going to set for your relationship with him. That is the only thing within your control...yourself. How YOU respond to his new legal status is up to you and, yes, you can show him the door. Some of us have given our abusive, scary adult kids lists of homeless shelters and soup kitchens and sent them packing. Most of the time they don't last in shelters either because you can't be high there. But they ARE available and your son will not improve his behavior if he is allowed to bully you and treat your house like it is his right to be there and even deface it. Usually we also help the adult kids locate rehabs and if they start to turn around encourage them, but not until. It is a hard walk we have to take when we have a child who is potentially a danger to us, be it physically, verbally or a real threat to our health and well being. They are separate beings from us and we deserve to be happy, even if they decide to implode. We can learn to do this too and not engage in their drama. Your son is young. There is still hope. But it is 100% up to him. There is nothing you can do to make him want to change. Sadly, some of our difficult children seem to enjoy living on the edge and even risking their freedom to live a thrill-filled life....and often they expect us to be the ones to fund their lifestyles. In most of our opinions, it is wiser to cut off the money, but that's further down the road.</p><p></p><p>The tatoo is his own problem. He could get some two bit job delivering pizza and save up to have it removed. He probably doesn't want to spend his money that way, but it's up to him and it is not your problem. You didn't have anything to do with it. I would not engage him much until he can speak respectfully. I had to do that with my own son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626538, member: 1550"] Once he is eighteen, you don't need to let him live with you, considering he is abusive, probably threatening and scary at times, a thief and a drug addict. Many of us have had to deal with this. I'm sorry you have to also. Once he turns eighteen there is legally nothing you can do to him, however you can decide what boundaries you are going to set for your relationship with him. That is the only thing within your control...yourself. How YOU respond to his new legal status is up to you and, yes, you can show him the door. Some of us have given our abusive, scary adult kids lists of homeless shelters and soup kitchens and sent them packing. Most of the time they don't last in shelters either because you can't be high there. But they ARE available and your son will not improve his behavior if he is allowed to bully you and treat your house like it is his right to be there and even deface it. Usually we also help the adult kids locate rehabs and if they start to turn around encourage them, but not until. It is a hard walk we have to take when we have a child who is potentially a danger to us, be it physically, verbally or a real threat to our health and well being. They are separate beings from us and we deserve to be happy, even if they decide to implode. We can learn to do this too and not engage in their drama. Your son is young. There is still hope. But it is 100% up to him. There is nothing you can do to make him want to change. Sadly, some of our difficult children seem to enjoy living on the edge and even risking their freedom to live a thrill-filled life....and often they expect us to be the ones to fund their lifestyles. In most of our opinions, it is wiser to cut off the money, but that's further down the road. The tatoo is his own problem. He could get some two bit job delivering pizza and save up to have it removed. He probably doesn't want to spend his money that way, but it's up to him and it is not your problem. You didn't have anything to do with it. I would not engage him much until he can speak respectfully. I had to do that with my own son. [/QUOTE]
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