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I feel like giving up on him
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 719500" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS trust that mom gut. You have instincts for a reason!!! The times I made the biggest mistakes with my kids are the times I ignored my instincts. Learn from my mistakes. I also know that there were times I listened to my instincts and ended up saving my kids from really bad situations. I watched as other parents ended up dealing with big problems that we didn't have to cope with because I did something people thought I was nuts for. </p><p></p><p>Walmart, Walgreens, CVS and most other pharmacies and similar stores carry drug tests. Go and get one and as soon as he gets home, surprise him with one. If your husband thinks you are overreacting, ask him to go along with you. Tell him that if your son tests clean, and your husband has actually watched your son pee in the cup, then you will give your son a reward. Something he wants. If your son tests positive for drugs of any kind, you will have to seriously restrict his movements and activities. </p><p></p><p>Parenting Teens With Love and Logic by Fay and Cline is a very helpful book. I really like the Love and Logic way of handling children, especially difficult children. One thing that was truly helpful was that it let my husband and I get on the same page. I was the parent who handed out chores and discipline and dealt with the tantrums. My husband was the easy, fun parent. He was off working and I was home all day. When he came home he didn't know all the problems, so he would say my son could do something, not knowing that my son had been told he couldn't because he hadn't done chores or whatever. L&L got us out of that triangle of manipulation. Other books and methods tried to help, but never really got through to my husband. Many moms I know said the same thing. Our schools often recommend L&L books and methods, so I have talked about this with a lot of other parents here. It seems to many of the moms I know that L&L is a method that let us work as a team with our husbands, rather than having them undermine us or go wandering in a different direction because they just didn't understand what was going on. L&L has books for parents and teachers that are directed at all sorts of problems and at kids of different ages. I went to a seminar and found it incredibly useful. It was well worth the $100 I paid for it (about 10 years ago). You can learn more about L&L at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> . Most bookstores and libraries carry their basic books, as does Amazon. You can also buy them from the website. </p><p></p><p>A very funny thing happened at the L&L seminar I went to. It was for parents and teachers. Dr. Fay was telling us to give your teen a chore and then not nag him about it. If he does not do the chore, hire someone to do it. Tell the teen the worker must be paid. If the teen does not pay him, you pay the worker. If the teen does not have the money, then you take something of the teens that he values (a game system or a tv or computer) and you pawn it. You give the teen the pawn ticket and tell him that you pawned it so that you would have the money to pay the worker to do the chore the teen was supposed to do. If the teen pawns something of yours to get the money to get his item out of hock, you call the cops. That is theft. Actually the teen doesn't own anything because he is a minor, so it isn't illegal for you to pawn the teens item, but it IS illegal for the teen to pawn your item. </p><p></p><p>As Dr. Fay is finishing explaining this, a young looking gym teacher (male, mid 20s) exclaims "So that is why you did that!" . Then we hear an older woman laughing hysterically. It turns out the older woman sitting with him is his mother. The gym teacher is her son and was a very rebellious teenager. She had learned L&L as a young teacher and she used it on her son. He was headed toward jail and she was at her wit's end with him. L&L methods turned him around in a fairly short time. He figured out she was not playing and he didn't like the logical consequences to his actions!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 719500, member: 1233"] ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS trust that mom gut. You have instincts for a reason!!! The times I made the biggest mistakes with my kids are the times I ignored my instincts. Learn from my mistakes. I also know that there were times I listened to my instincts and ended up saving my kids from really bad situations. I watched as other parents ended up dealing with big problems that we didn't have to cope with because I did something people thought I was nuts for. Walmart, Walgreens, CVS and most other pharmacies and similar stores carry drug tests. Go and get one and as soon as he gets home, surprise him with one. If your husband thinks you are overreacting, ask him to go along with you. Tell him that if your son tests clean, and your husband has actually watched your son pee in the cup, then you will give your son a reward. Something he wants. If your son tests positive for drugs of any kind, you will have to seriously restrict his movements and activities. Parenting Teens With Love and Logic by Fay and Cline is a very helpful book. I really like the Love and Logic way of handling children, especially difficult children. One thing that was truly helpful was that it let my husband and I get on the same page. I was the parent who handed out chores and discipline and dealt with the tantrums. My husband was the easy, fun parent. He was off working and I was home all day. When he came home he didn't know all the problems, so he would say my son could do something, not knowing that my son had been told he couldn't because he hadn't done chores or whatever. L&L got us out of that triangle of manipulation. Other books and methods tried to help, but never really got through to my husband. Many moms I know said the same thing. Our schools often recommend L&L books and methods, so I have talked about this with a lot of other parents here. It seems to many of the moms I know that L&L is a method that let us work as a team with our husbands, rather than having them undermine us or go wandering in a different direction because they just didn't understand what was going on. L&L has books for parents and teachers that are directed at all sorts of problems and at kids of different ages. I went to a seminar and found it incredibly useful. It was well worth the $100 I paid for it (about 10 years ago). You can learn more about L&L at [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL] . Most bookstores and libraries carry their basic books, as does Amazon. You can also buy them from the website. A very funny thing happened at the L&L seminar I went to. It was for parents and teachers. Dr. Fay was telling us to give your teen a chore and then not nag him about it. If he does not do the chore, hire someone to do it. Tell the teen the worker must be paid. If the teen does not pay him, you pay the worker. If the teen does not have the money, then you take something of the teens that he values (a game system or a tv or computer) and you pawn it. You give the teen the pawn ticket and tell him that you pawned it so that you would have the money to pay the worker to do the chore the teen was supposed to do. If the teen pawns something of yours to get the money to get his item out of hock, you call the cops. That is theft. Actually the teen doesn't own anything because he is a minor, so it isn't illegal for you to pawn the teens item, but it IS illegal for the teen to pawn your item. As Dr. Fay is finishing explaining this, a young looking gym teacher (male, mid 20s) exclaims "So that is why you did that!" . Then we hear an older woman laughing hysterically. It turns out the older woman sitting with him is his mother. The gym teacher is her son and was a very rebellious teenager. She had learned L&L as a young teacher and she used it on her son. He was headed toward jail and she was at her wit's end with him. L&L methods turned him around in a fairly short time. He figured out she was not playing and he didn't like the logical consequences to his actions!! [/QUOTE]
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