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I feel like Im dying inside!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 657680" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I completely agree with SWOT.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar has given a really good suggestion here.</p><p></p><p>None of us want to see our children struggle through life no matter what age they are. The bottom line is this, our adult children all have it within themselves to help themselves. They all seam to manage to find a way to get their drugs and alcohol and some do this without holding a job. This proves they are resourceful. This dictates that they could help themselves but the key in all of this is they have to desire it and be willing to put in the work.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, you should feel that way. Just because it's your child that is treating you this way does not mean that you should stand for it. If a complete stranger treated you the way she does you would not stand for it.</p><p>This is where setting clear boundaries comes into play. You see when we "ignore" their bad behavior that really sends a message to them that they can continue to treat us like crap. Setting a clear boundary and telling our Difficult Child that we will not tolerate being treated with such disrespect lets them know we are serious. To be clear, for boundaries to be successful you must be willing to follow through.</p><p>Example: You have told your daughter that you will not tolerate her treating you with such disrespect. Now imagine you are hosting Christmas 2002 and things are going ok then all of a sudden your daughter starts going off on everyone. As calmly as you can you tell her she is out of control and needs to leave, that you will not allow her to subject everyone to such chaos and if she doesn't leave you will call the police. This lets your daughter know you are serious.</p><p>I know how hard it is to call the police on your own child, I've had to do it a few times.</p><p></p><p>As for helping your daughter, what will help her is that she has to be held accountable for her actions.</p><p></p><p><img src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/3d/5b/4a/3d5b4a7559615bd8d029e07e81727eab.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 657680, member: 18516"] I completely agree with SWOT. Cedar has given a really good suggestion here. None of us want to see our children struggle through life no matter what age they are. The bottom line is this, our adult children all have it within themselves to help themselves. They all seam to manage to find a way to get their drugs and alcohol and some do this without holding a job. This proves they are resourceful. This dictates that they could help themselves but the key in all of this is they have to desire it and be willing to put in the work. Yes, you should feel that way. Just because it's your child that is treating you this way does not mean that you should stand for it. If a complete stranger treated you the way she does you would not stand for it. This is where setting clear boundaries comes into play. You see when we "ignore" their bad behavior that really sends a message to them that they can continue to treat us like crap. Setting a clear boundary and telling our Difficult Child that we will not tolerate being treated with such disrespect lets them know we are serious. To be clear, for boundaries to be successful you must be willing to follow through. Example: You have told your daughter that you will not tolerate her treating you with such disrespect. Now imagine you are hosting Christmas 2002 and things are going ok then all of a sudden your daughter starts going off on everyone. As calmly as you can you tell her she is out of control and needs to leave, that you will not allow her to subject everyone to such chaos and if she doesn't leave you will call the police. This lets your daughter know you are serious. I know how hard it is to call the police on your own child, I've had to do it a few times. As for helping your daughter, what will help her is that she has to be held accountable for her actions. [IMG]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/3d/5b/4a/3d5b4a7559615bd8d029e07e81727eab.jpg[/IMG] [/QUOTE]
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