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I feel no love for him - how can that be...
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<blockquote data-quote="nikinubs27" data-source="post: 717479" data-attributes="member: 22200"><p>Thank you so much for that response, Susiestar. I really think I feel more guilt about my feelings toward him than I do about half the crap he tries to guilt me with. I am just so tired of trying to figure out if I should believe anything he says, or if he's lying. His bio-dad used to do the same stuff to me. I eventually gave him the boot too. I just don't know why ever since he could talk, he hated me. I always struggled to love him so much. I tried to look past all of his issues and faults. I have tried to dig deep inside of me and find the love for him that I have for my other kids. For a long time I blamed it on the resentment I had towards his bio-dad, but now I just know it's from 18 years of him torturing me, daily making my life harder and harder then telling me that I am crazy and need help. That I am abusive... he told me last night in a drunken texting rage that I need to take f****** responsbility for my own actions before I f*** up his siblings too... i lost it. I told him they are good kids who don't torment me, who listen to me and want me to be proud of them, they care and are compassionate and not constantly trying to hurt someone else, or destroying other peoples property.... Ugggh the list goes on and on, but i am without and positive feelings I could have towards him, and I honestly question if I would even care if the police came to my door and told me he was found dead. Idt i would sometimes, and that makes me sad. I feel bad that I don't love him, but he has beaten me down and back me into a corner for way too long, and he always blames me for everything in his life. I just can't anymore!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nikinubs27, post: 717479, member: 22200"] Thank you so much for that response, Susiestar. I really think I feel more guilt about my feelings toward him than I do about half the crap he tries to guilt me with. I am just so tired of trying to figure out if I should believe anything he says, or if he's lying. His bio-dad used to do the same stuff to me. I eventually gave him the boot too. I just don't know why ever since he could talk, he hated me. I always struggled to love him so much. I tried to look past all of his issues and faults. I have tried to dig deep inside of me and find the love for him that I have for my other kids. For a long time I blamed it on the resentment I had towards his bio-dad, but now I just know it's from 18 years of him torturing me, daily making my life harder and harder then telling me that I am crazy and need help. That I am abusive... he told me last night in a drunken texting rage that I need to take f****** responsbility for my own actions before I f*** up his siblings too... i lost it. I told him they are good kids who don't torment me, who listen to me and want me to be proud of them, they care and are compassionate and not constantly trying to hurt someone else, or destroying other peoples property.... Ugggh the list goes on and on, but i am without and positive feelings I could have towards him, and I honestly question if I would even care if the police came to my door and told me he was found dead. Idt i would sometimes, and that makes me sad. I feel bad that I don't love him, but he has beaten me down and back me into a corner for way too long, and he always blames me for everything in his life. I just can't anymore! [/QUOTE]
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