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I feel so, so weak
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 679986" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>He finally got the ticket paid, on the last day where he could pay the $10 instead of much, much more.</p><p>He is in the process of getting phone issue taken care of, today should be the day.</p><p></p><p>I don't think he's working. Supposedly, since Tuesday, he's been 'sober'. Last night, he called me from homeowner's landline. He had gone to the gym and was feeling good. He told me 'I'll sometimes, like today, think about the future...like in a week or a month, and worry about giving in to a drink.' I told him <em>'one day at a time, each day, at the end of the day, if you stayed sober-that was a good day</em>.' He agreed. I also told him...again...that this is what 'sponsors' are for! Someone to call when one trying to stay sober, feels weak. Am I wrong about what sponsor are for?</p><p></p><p>He told me the other day, that his 'homeowner' where he rents a room, told him that he will only charge him $50/week instead of $150. Not sure that I believe that? What would be the motivation for the homeowner to do this? I think that son uses the <em>pity story from the past</em> on many 'chats' that they've had. So, while son says homeowner is charging him less, the next breath, he says 'I gotta get out of here...he likes to offer me cocktails.' Son often mentions going to one of the plethora of halfway houses in his area, but he cannot seem to stay sober for long enough to do so. I keep telling that him he needs a sponsor!</p><p></p><p>He told me yesterday that some girl randomly messaged him on FB, and wanted him to "hang out with her and a few other girls at the beach". He said he was SO tempted, but declined. Maybe he only declined because I don't think he has any $, maybe he declined because he wants to remain sober. Bottom line is, he declined, that time. He ended up going to the beach by himself, anyways.</p><p></p><p>He sounded good, great, actually. Always does, when he's sober! Which makes it so much more sad for me, when he messes up. His normal, is awesome.</p><p></p><p>On FB, he messaged me 2 videos which he went on about, in a happy way! One was an adorable little 3yo, singing a Disney song, he told me: '<em>It was so cute</em>, <em>I almost cried...and you know that is not something I ever say</em>'.</p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]rFLwldVsI7A[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>And the other was a 1.5 minute video of how making your bed can make your day better, if you're on FB, you can view it, or maybe it will show here?:</p><p>[MEDIA=facebook]10153372640739071[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>These 2 examples ^^^^, confirm for me, that my son does have a tender heart and does 'want' to be motivated and sober. You see? When son is sober and shares these thoughts, moments, feelings with me, I get a 'glimpse' in to the person he IS, whom he could be ALL the time...his true, authentic, sober self. So then when he relapses....these memories of these moments he lets me experience with-him, don't leave me! And that makes it that much harder to 'cut him off' or 'give up on him'. It is SO hard.</p><p></p><p>You guys can see the personality differences between when he is 'drinking' (super mean, rude, impatient, disrespectful) and when he is 'sober' (sweet, normal, patient, engaging in a positive way)--->for even just 24hrs...I can see a positive difference THAT quickly. Up. Down. Up. Down. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 679986, member: 19966"] He finally got the ticket paid, on the last day where he could pay the $10 instead of much, much more. He is in the process of getting phone issue taken care of, today should be the day. I don't think he's working. Supposedly, since Tuesday, he's been 'sober'. Last night, he called me from homeowner's landline. He had gone to the gym and was feeling good. He told me 'I'll sometimes, like today, think about the future...like in a week or a month, and worry about giving in to a drink.' I told him [I]'one day at a time, each day, at the end of the day, if you stayed sober-that was a good day[/I].' He agreed. I also told him...again...that this is what 'sponsors' are for! Someone to call when one trying to stay sober, feels weak. Am I wrong about what sponsor are for? He told me the other day, that his 'homeowner' where he rents a room, told him that he will only charge him $50/week instead of $150. Not sure that I believe that? What would be the motivation for the homeowner to do this? I think that son uses the [I]pity story from the past[/I] on many 'chats' that they've had. So, while son says homeowner is charging him less, the next breath, he says 'I gotta get out of here...he likes to offer me cocktails.' Son often mentions going to one of the plethora of halfway houses in his area, but he cannot seem to stay sober for long enough to do so. I keep telling that him he needs a sponsor! He told me yesterday that some girl randomly messaged him on FB, and wanted him to "hang out with her and a few other girls at the beach". He said he was SO tempted, but declined. Maybe he only declined because I don't think he has any $, maybe he declined because he wants to remain sober. Bottom line is, he declined, that time. He ended up going to the beach by himself, anyways. He sounded good, great, actually. Always does, when he's sober! Which makes it so much more sad for me, when he messes up. His normal, is awesome. On FB, he messaged me 2 videos which he went on about, in a happy way! One was an adorable little 3yo, singing a Disney song, he told me: '[I]It was so cute[/I], [I]I almost cried...and you know that is not something I ever say[/I]'. [MEDIA=youtube]rFLwldVsI7A[/MEDIA] And the other was a 1.5 minute video of how making your bed can make your day better, if you're on FB, you can view it, or maybe it will show here?: [MEDIA=facebook]10153372640739071[/MEDIA] These 2 examples ^^^^, confirm for me, that my son does have a tender heart and does 'want' to be motivated and sober. You see? When son is sober and shares these thoughts, moments, feelings with me, I get a 'glimpse' in to the person he IS, whom he could be ALL the time...his true, authentic, sober self. So then when he relapses....these memories of these moments he lets me experience with-him, don't leave me! And that makes it that much harder to 'cut him off' or 'give up on him'. It is SO hard. You guys can see the personality differences between when he is 'drinking' (super mean, rude, impatient, disrespectful) and when he is 'sober' (sweet, normal, patient, engaging in a positive way)--->for even just 24hrs...I can see a positive difference THAT quickly. Up. Down. Up. Down. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Thank you all. ;) [/QUOTE]
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