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Substance Abuse
I Feel Very Very Sad Today
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<blockquote data-quote="wanderingstranger" data-source="post: 748713" data-attributes="member: 23938"><p>Thank you to everyone for the the re-welcome. This is truly a safe place to rant because once you read and write it feels a little bit easier. </p><p></p><p></p><p> thanks recovering for this reminder. I am trying my best and getting better at self-care inspite of the sadness. Life goes on...</p><p></p><p>Yes eliza, this i now understand perfectly. Wringing my hands trying to find the perfect program or thing that would stick has been a losing game. Never thought anything would make me feel such despair as to realizing there is absolutely nothing i can do to make him well or accept care for himself.</p><p></p><p></p><p>New Leaf, i am really sorry for what you are going through. Dealing with one is a lot but i can't imagine the torture of watching two destroy their health and life like our children do. An outsider looking in would be pretty amazed at the kind of craziness that we have put up with through the years. </p><p></p><p></p><p>This is the worst because you detach and find some kind of peace then something happens and you are entangled again. The night before my son walked out, he wanted desperately to go see a certain girl he had been talking to and i wouldn't let him because he was scheduled to go to treatment the following day -as our agreement. He started crying mentioning that he is dealing with a lot of demons and i am not being sympathetic even though he is my only son.... He went on and on and at some point said he would kill himself to alleviate the pain he has caused me. SO i said i was going upstairs to call for help transporting him to the hospital since he was a danger to himself. That stopped the raging really fast. But for a minute there i was very unnerved. </p><p></p><p></p><p>This is really hard because keeping calm in the midst of this craziness has not been my strong suit. But i am doing things that shows my health is important.</p><p></p><p></p><p>RN, this is the time it was meant to happen. I applaud your son's courage because the program is long and the fact that he endured and graduated shows he was ready to change. I have met two pastors in my area who went to teen challenge and recovered without going back and now live a healthy and clean life. That is one of the reason i was hoping he would be open to going there. Your son will do well. Although religion is not for everyone which i respect, i believe faith offers a different kind of hope that addicts need and which my son would have benefited from. He was raised in church and attended services through end of high school and once in a while after, but he wants nothing to do with the program. His loss. Your son is on a better path and because he is youn any damage that may have been done by drugs will eventually heal.</p><p></p><p>Well, my son's "finding himself"didn't last long. The following day, he called and said he wanted to talk. He came at my work (an informal setting) and voiced a desire to go back to my country of birth for a while. I am trying to figure this out through consultation with an attorney to see whether he could go and come back down the line. Where i come from life is laid back and he may do better because of access to more social support and being exposed to better mentors. Meanwhile he is staying with a girl that i have never met so who knows....but this seems like a better plan as far as i am concerned. We'll see......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wanderingstranger, post: 748713, member: 23938"] Thank you to everyone for the the re-welcome. This is truly a safe place to rant because once you read and write it feels a little bit easier. thanks recovering for this reminder. I am trying my best and getting better at self-care inspite of the sadness. Life goes on... Yes eliza, this i now understand perfectly. Wringing my hands trying to find the perfect program or thing that would stick has been a losing game. Never thought anything would make me feel such despair as to realizing there is absolutely nothing i can do to make him well or accept care for himself. New Leaf, i am really sorry for what you are going through. Dealing with one is a lot but i can't imagine the torture of watching two destroy their health and life like our children do. An outsider looking in would be pretty amazed at the kind of craziness that we have put up with through the years. This is the worst because you detach and find some kind of peace then something happens and you are entangled again. The night before my son walked out, he wanted desperately to go see a certain girl he had been talking to and i wouldn't let him because he was scheduled to go to treatment the following day -as our agreement. He started crying mentioning that he is dealing with a lot of demons and i am not being sympathetic even though he is my only son.... He went on and on and at some point said he would kill himself to alleviate the pain he has caused me. SO i said i was going upstairs to call for help transporting him to the hospital since he was a danger to himself. That stopped the raging really fast. But for a minute there i was very unnerved. This is really hard because keeping calm in the midst of this craziness has not been my strong suit. But i am doing things that shows my health is important. RN, this is the time it was meant to happen. I applaud your son's courage because the program is long and the fact that he endured and graduated shows he was ready to change. I have met two pastors in my area who went to teen challenge and recovered without going back and now live a healthy and clean life. That is one of the reason i was hoping he would be open to going there. Your son will do well. Although religion is not for everyone which i respect, i believe faith offers a different kind of hope that addicts need and which my son would have benefited from. He was raised in church and attended services through end of high school and once in a while after, but he wants nothing to do with the program. His loss. Your son is on a better path and because he is youn any damage that may have been done by drugs will eventually heal. Well, my son's "finding himself"didn't last long. The following day, he called and said he wanted to talk. He came at my work (an informal setting) and voiced a desire to go back to my country of birth for a while. I am trying to figure this out through consultation with an attorney to see whether he could go and come back down the line. Where i come from life is laid back and he may do better because of access to more social support and being exposed to better mentors. Meanwhile he is staying with a girl that i have never met so who knows....but this seems like a better plan as far as i am concerned. We'll see...... [/QUOTE]
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