I felt so bad...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by totoro, Feb 2, 2008.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I was shopping yesterday down in the town 45 minutes south of us. We had taken the girls to target. So we also stopped at this really cool grocery store. So I was by myself shopping for some stuff I can't get up north!
    I kept hearing this blood curdling screaming every few minutes or so.
    Then I hear a little boy is missing, they describe him, he sounds pretty small. So I am looking and feeling horrible. Of course thinking of the girls...

    About 10 minutes go by, they find him. The screams resume. I am having a hard time shopping by now. It is like my difficult child radar is on full alert.... I can't think, I am becoming elevated, anxious.
    I am seeing people making comments now about the screams.

    This is becoming seriously unnerving. I finally see the Mom and her twins! They look about 4-5 they are filthy... barely dressed. climbing on things. She has bananas in the cart, that is it. She has been in there longer than me, I have been in there for 45 minutes!!!
    They are asking here for a toy, she says with this pure look of defeat in her eyes, I am sorry, Momma has not money.
    I stopped and said hi to the boys. They were cute, they looked sick, they had scabs all over them. They smelled of filth. I talked to them for a few minutes, made them laugh.
    I walked off and felt so bad...
    The screams resumed. The Mother had the look of pure despair.
    I went to checkout, she was coming up to checkout also, she was in the line next to me.
    Her boys were screaming still. She had just the bananas.
    People were just staring, talking.
    She paid and walked out. I was paying and I took out a bunch of extra cash, I said to myself, if she is still outside when I am done I will give this to her.
    As I was paying people were still saying mean things....
    I walked out and a woman was telling her that she needed to not let her boys dominate her like that! ***. That she needed to control them...

    I walked up and asked the little boy why he was sad? I said that when he was sad it made his Mommy sad... I sat and talked to him and his brother.
    The other hootch left and I said to the woman that I saw her in the store.
    i basically just told her that I understood it can be difficult, I told her about K, I told her I know what it is like to have people stare at you.
    I asked her if she needed help, If she was having a hard time and struggling.
    She said, things were so hard for her, she was broke, she could not afford things for her boys... it was freezing out. they did not have hats, gloves nothing.
    I stuffed a bunch of money in her hand and said I hope you have better weekend. Get your self something and your boys.
    I just walked away. She yelled at me. God bless you.

    I just didn't know what else to do. I can't watch things like that. I know I can't save everyone... but maybe I can help sometimes.

    Because sometimes I feel like I can't even help my own family...
  2. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Bless your kind and generous careing heart! SO much going on in you life, and you reached out. Oh totoro, I am haveing tears slide down my face. Are you an angel? Hugs to you!
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    What a blessing this world has in having you in it! Not just that you gave her money but that you showed some kindness and understanding.

  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    You are amazing toto! Amazing.
    I have met few people like you........you make my heart sing.

    I too am deep with empathy, compassion, and a desperate need to make other's pain go away. Perhaps because we have had so much of it ourselves, we know how horrible it really can be for someone.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I think it is part and parcel of being a parent of a difficult child.

    I was the one who would yell across the store "can you shut your kid up?" when a child was crying. Now I wonder why the child cries, I have compassion, and if I am closeby, I always see what I can do to help mom.

    Totoro, you just played angel to someone who needed it. One day, she may be able to pass that along to someone else who needs it too. THAT makes it all worth it.

    The world is a nicer place with people like you in it.
  6. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Well, I'm typing this as I'm crying. You did such a wonderful thing in talking with the boys and in giving the woman money to help her out.

    I have given money to people on the side of the road with signs "will work for food" (and husband has bought some people groceries), but I never thought of helping someone inside a store who looked like they needed help. You were very perceptive. You have made me aware of the fact that I need to be on the lookout everywhere for people in need.

  7. KateM

    KateM Member

    Totoro, that was beautiful! Not just your generousity, but reaching out, talking to the mom and her kids, sharing a bit of your story with the mother.

    I do think that compassion is one of the gifts we receive when we become parents og difficult children. We are not quick to judge and think empathetically. But you went a step forward and acted on your feelings. You made a difference today!
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You are an angel. You did what you could.
    How I hate stupid, ignorant, unenlightened people who have no clue what others go through.
    I almost cried reading your post.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Sometimes Toto - you get your blessings from unexpected places. I'm sure you will be in that Mother's thoughts and prayers for a long time to come.

    You're a good soul - and your kindness is beyond compare -

    Hugs dear one - hugs.