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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I give up....
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 686081" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>This doesn't reflect poorly on you. The fact that you're here is proof that you are a good parent. You wont see mine around here... You can only do so much. You can only put up with so much. You did everything you could have to provide them opportunities. They are luckier than many. You can't live for them. You can't make their decisions. The way you're feeling, and the way you're viewing this shows how it is just as important for the enabler to heal. The codependency. As much as you'd like to make it all go away, that isn't on you. You did your part. It is important that you can get to the point where you will help them in ways that is only beneficial to them, but your life shouldn't be dependent on the state of their lives. This kind of thinking is what gives way for enabling. Feeling guilty for things that aren't your fault doesn't help them, and certainly doesn't help you, or your husband. You raised them to be capable of making their own decisions. But they are THEIR decisions to make. Even when they are the wrong ones. Don't beat yourself up over something you couldn't control even if you wanted to. Let them feel the consequences of their actions. You need to do you. The only decisions you can control are your own. You are clearly a good, loving, supportive parent. You did your part above and beyond many, many others. It's their turn to do their parts. Or not do their parts. Either way, you should feel no guilt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 686081, member: 20267"] This doesn't reflect poorly on you. The fact that you're here is proof that you are a good parent. You wont see mine around here... You can only do so much. You can only put up with so much. You did everything you could have to provide them opportunities. They are luckier than many. You can't live for them. You can't make their decisions. The way you're feeling, and the way you're viewing this shows how it is just as important for the enabler to heal. The codependency. As much as you'd like to make it all go away, that isn't on you. You did your part. It is important that you can get to the point where you will help them in ways that is only beneficial to them, but your life shouldn't be dependent on the state of their lives. This kind of thinking is what gives way for enabling. Feeling guilty for things that aren't your fault doesn't help them, and certainly doesn't help you, or your husband. You raised them to be capable of making their own decisions. But they are THEIR decisions to make. Even when they are the wrong ones. Don't beat yourself up over something you couldn't control even if you wanted to. Let them feel the consequences of their actions. You need to do you. The only decisions you can control are your own. You are clearly a good, loving, supportive parent. You did your part above and beyond many, many others. It's their turn to do their parts. Or not do their parts. Either way, you should feel no guilt. [/QUOTE]
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