I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever be able to tell my daughter MY truth, the whole truth, the truth of how her life has impacted me, in ALL ways. Whew! But, the other night, out of the blue, she called with some cockamamie story, similar to the usual stuff............I listened for about 2 minutes and then, I swear, something in my chest area felt like it busted open and without anger or, really, any kind of emotional outburst kind of thing, my mind just snapped into gear and I started talking. I told her what it felt like to be her mother, the hurts and disappointments. I told her what I thought about her behavior towards her step daughters and her bio daughter, how much she needs to make amends towards them. I told her how she thwarted all my attempts to help and what that did to me and how her life represented what her beliefs about herself are. I talked for 2 1/2 hours while she listened, did not object or defend and occasionally cried. It was remarkably cathartic and healing for me. I even told her that I had learned to accept that there is a good probability that she will be harmed, die or end up homeless or in jail, that I saw those as her options in life because of the choices she makes. Everything I had ever fantasized or hoped or wished I could or would be able to say to her, I did. I didn't plan it, it just happened, I had no real intention of doing it at all, it was that particular moment in time, the flood gates just opened and I went with it. I did not say any of it in anger, I said it all calmly, with empathy, with love, I simply shared how I felt and feel. There is that old adage about the truth setting you free and boy, I feel that now. In my experience, one doesn't always get the opportunity to say all that is in our hearts to the source of those feelings. Like with our parents or our ex spouses, or business associates, so there is lingering stuff which gets harbored within us, like surgical instruments left in a wound, festering inside of us with no outlet. It's kind of like if you have an abcess and it breaks, all the hurt goes away and it begins to heal. One time when my difficult child was staying with us, the 4 of us had a family meeting, SO, my granddaughter, my daughter and me. That day was my granddaughter's moment to tell her truth, she went on and on, telling her mother to her face what her feelings were.......... she was brilliant in her clarity and ability to share how she really felt. Afterwards, a little shaken, she told me "I told Mom everything I ever wanted to say to her, and I feel GREAT!" She was free. And, as time went by, I could see how differently she was in relation to her mother, a certain acceptance and compassion, and without any attachments to what her mother did or didn't do. I think now we are all free, including my daughter. She now knows EXACTLY how I feel, there are no more pockets of denial or editing, it's all out on the table. There is a certain "lightness of being" that I am feeling now. Good Lord, I've been wrapped in my daughter's life's drama for a very long time................and now, after this moment of truth........I am not.