Hi everyone. I haven't posted for a while but have been reading along. Things have been difficult on my front and I'm just doing my best to keep it together. Both my sons have been active in my and husband's lives. I'll cover difficult child 2 here otherwise it's just too much. Here goes: DCFS had deemed Bad Baby Mama's (BBM) apartment unsafe and uninhabitable for our grandson (GS). They had no lights, phone etc. Earlier this month, she, her druggie boyfriend and her stepfather were evicted. She had been robbing the stepfather blind for the past 3 years and he has exited the scene and will no longer be supporting her. She is now living with her boyfriend at his mother's house. Both, 25, have never been employed nor do they own a car. She has decided to sign over all parental rights of our GS to difficult child 2. They are going to court in November. My son is working full time, has his own apartment and now full custody of our grandson. In order for BBM to spend time with our GS, my difficult child 2 picks her up at the boyfriend's mother's and they have been spending time together at difficult child 2's apartment. The other day he was wearing a new watch. He said she gave it to him. Later he's wearing a pinkie ring, from her too. He's not a jewelry guy. When they are together they destroy each other. She cheats on difficult child 2 and right now I'm thinking she's cheating on the boyfriend with my son. difficult child 2 acts differently toward us when he's with her and it's not good. All signs point to their getting closer.Unhealthy for all. With difficult child 2 having full custody and paying for before and after-school care for GS, he had been "borrowing" wipes, diapers, etc. He would ask for one item and then I'd see him with a bag full of stuff from toothpaste to frozen dinners. I told him to stop doing his shopping in my house after asking for one item. He told me he was struggling with the added costs of full custody. I told him I'd rather he told me he needed help instead of filling a grocery bag every other day. So he said for the next 2 weeks he would need help with food. I was grocery shopping the next day and he called me and asked me to pick up some items for GS and maybe a frozen pizza for him. I complied and bought a little extra. He was grateful and I was glad we were dealing with each other honestly and that a time frame for this help had been established, reinforcing that this was a temporary situation until he got his subsidy for day care. The next day, he was over for a cookout and doing his laundry with our GS. Now this consists of him playing with his smart phone while our GS, who presents as autistic runs rampant through our house. He is very destructive and difficult to keep safe and reigned in. difficult child 2 then asked to use my computer to print something. I gave it to him and when he was done he gave it back to me. When I looked on it there was an error message that said "recent history was unable to be deleted". What didn't he want me to see? Well, it was that he had bought a set of fake metal rapper teeth (called a grille?) and a mold to shape them from ebay. Say what? He can't afford food for his son the day before but can waste his money on this ludicrous item? So I confronted him. He said it was only $20. husband and I said that the $20 should go to his son's care rather than out of our pocket. He said I snooped. I closed the error message and the purchase page was right there. He said I had no right to check his purchase as his personal information was on it. As if I would steal from him. That's his MO not mine. Deflect, deflect, deflect. He left in a huff and said that we didn't have to watch GS while he went to mandatory alcohol/drug counseling (from an earlier child endangerment charge) on Tuesday nights. He said he would find someone else. He often withholds or uses GS as a weapon against us. I said fine. We've had contact since then and things have been fine/cordial/civil up until Sunday. It was my birthday. My siblings and their spouses and he and GS were to come to the house for cake and ice cream. He had called that morning and wished me a happy birthday, but shows up with no card from him, from GS, nothing, just a garbage bag filled with laundry. The amount of help I have given him is far beyond what a normal grandparent would do. I was hurt and I asked him, did you get me a card? He said no, but would write something for me. (My son's would sometimes write 3 favorite memories from their childhood as a gift). I said if he hadn't thought to do it already not to bother and I left the room. He followed and said, "Don't be like that. Who first called you this morning?" He also tried to chastise me for making HIM feel bad. He was going to take GS and go. I know my siblings wanted to see GS and GS is so happy to get all the attention. I told him, "I'm not angry at you, I want you to stay, but I also wanted you to know that my feelings were hurt." We have been doing this birthday ritual for all his life, for every family member. This is what we do. I think his not doing anything is a passive/aggressive message to me that he does not like that I am backing off from financially supporting him and from being the main caregiver for our GS as I have been for the past 4 years. I can't imagine treating my parents this way. Who goes to a birthday party with a bag of laundry instead of a card? difficult child 2 does. He stayed and mostly moped. GS had a great time with the group. It was worth it just for that, but I am thinking of difficult child 2's lack of consideration of anyone's feelings but his own. He was an affectionate, loving boy and that boy was lost once he started using. It's a shame. I was surprised that after all this time and therapy that this birthday stunt stung me like it did. I was so tired yesterday. Had a hard time getting out of bed. Does this vulnerability to their cruelty and thoughtlessness ever go away?