Well, this Saturday will be three weeks since I have seen my daughter!!! She is in so much trouble. I received the warrant in the mail today. She is now facing jail time. My heart tells me to comb the streets looking for her but my head says no way!!! I wish I had a dollar for every time I have done that over the years. I know logically there really isn't anything I can do for her at this point. Looking for her would be pointless as she knows what she is doing. She knows she is in violation of a court order, she knows she will be arrested, she knows the longer she stays on the run the worse it will be. So, she knows all of this, yet she would rather stay gone, HER CHOICE - right? I have been doing really well detaching. Don't get me wrong, this is constantly on my mind, every minute, no matter what I am doing I am thinking about her but I am holding it together. I haven't cried in a few days. I haven't fallen apart in about a week. I do have moments in the day where I feel profound sadness. I guess that is par for the course. I am learning to live with it though. I feel bad for her, even though she chose to do wrong I can't help but feel sorrow for my poor baby girl. I really hope she isn't out there destroying herself. I just keep telling myself that even if she is there isn't a darn thing that I can do about it. That helpless feeling is hard to live with. Mom's are supposed to be the fixers, the saviors, the soft place to fall, so not having the ability to "help" her is very difficult. Yet, even when I was right in the middle of it all, fighting for her to get better it made no difference anyway. I logically know that her life will only get better when she wants it to and when she steps up and puts in the work. Emotionally it is very hard to accept. I am making progress though. I kind of feel guilty that I am not as upset as I usually get. I feel like a bad mother because I am detaching. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, I guess I am not used to it. I am not however, feeling too guilty to the point that I will cave and jump back into her drama. I WON'T!!!! Thanks for listening. I hope everyone is doing well. God bless.