I realized with things being so calm at least at night past two nights with my little person I've had time to think and realized that the free weekends i have without difficult child when she's at her dad's i have no life lol. literally. I go to blockbuster, I food shop, do laundry, spend time just breathing and enjoying the quiet yet I have no life and i'm only 38. I got together with a friend a few weeks ago which was healthy, she made me do it actually came here and dragged me out!! Yet the friends I had are pretty much no more except the married ones with whom I can only spend time with when our kids are having "playdates", i cant do double dates because he's never home leaves 9 a.m. in the morning and gets home at midnight. except two tuesdays a mos we go to dinner, drinks. dont' get me wrong it's not horrible yet tuesdays' a quiet night and i have no desire to go out on a weeknight. plus i have difficult child to worry about. anyway back to me so i have no life. my ambition has been so low since handling difficult child and other stuff. I really should grow my business, figure out how to market myself. I only have one client now. I love what I do when I do it, yet i have 2 cases left just finalized last one yesterday. I've been making pocket change pocket money for week sort of thing. Yet if i added on a few more attorneys i'd be making a decent amount dependant upon amount of work they gave me. i know realistically i could make it grow i've learned so much the past 5 months things I never knew. I was also thinking of getting certified through the ny bar to be a court appointed guardian. The ideas are there yet the ambition isn't. I also miss hanging with friends in my free time the city, art galleries, antique stores out east. Yet so much has changed with everyone no one's around anymore. i also miss having a regular partner who is around to do and live life with me, regardless of all the other existing issues i'm contemplating. so i should be growing my business, doing stuff on the weekend even alone if need be.....yet i dont'? it's like when difficult child isn't around i forget how to be just me.