I get this from my family and my extended family. They ALL think gfgbro is SOOOOO GREAT and if they got whatever I am on their shoe they would throw the whole pair away.
We moved to Cinci because I have a TON of family there. My aunt who has kids my kids' ages BEGGED to be the emergency contact at school. INSISTED on being the sick care while husband and I worked. But EVERY time school called her (both of them in the 18 mos that they had her number) I got a HUGE fuss over how her kids were going to get so sick and how rude it was that I couldn't take care of my kids when they were sick. Um, she had them for twenty minutes each time and I PAID her. She also kept our cousins three kids wehn they were sick ALL the time and that was NEVER a problem - just my kids were. But cousin's kids were not terribly bright and let her bask in the sense that her oldest was the smartest, most handsome (he looked like a troll doll with-o the hair that stood up - I didn't say it, I heard it at the photographers and school and the entire rest of the extended family said it!) and most amazing child on the planet. Wiz was WAY smarter and faster to think of things and more creative and more polite around other people, and that threatened her.
Our extended family has the oldest person in each "branch" tell the kids and grands when there is an event like a reunion or special birthday. So this aunt was supposed to tell me about these things. In seven years we found out about two of them before they happened. An HOUR before they happened so we could not get off of work or tell a team that we had a family commitment and would not be there or would hae to leave early. She even gave my godmother the wrong address deliberately so that I would not be invited to her sons' weddings! TWICE - two different wrong addresses!! I know because I ran into my godmother the day AFTER the weddings and she was really hurt that I didn't even rsvp a no or send a gift. I told her I didn't know and apologized, but she wouldn't even let me send a gift late because she was so hurt! She showed me the address and it was on teh complete opposite side of Cincy and I lived 2 miles from my aunt and godmother!And my aunt knew it!!
EVERYTHING we do with my parents is taking advantage of them accordng to my brother. My mom has been super angry because I kept asking her if we were causing problems or if this or that was too much to ask of them. I have told her over and over that hearing my bro tell us 40 or 50 times about how awful we were for making her cry or leaving her home totally trashed (apparently a popcorn kernel on the table and not sweeping up the cat hair from my mother's cat in her home before we left - not our cat, my mom's cat in my mom's home after we had dinner there and she told us not to sweep or do the dishes is leaving the place trashed!) each and every time we were there, esp as he goes into stories about how she cried on his shoulder or complained to him about it, makes us think there is SOMe truth to it.
of course that was until I cut him out of our lives. That was because my parents took Wiz to Europe and bro was feeding their cats. We were told to come by and cuddle the cats every day or two because bro is allergic but he could get there every day and husband was working out of town. So he did the feeds and we were to cuddle and play with the cats so tehy didn't get destructive from loneliness. He decided to "finish" the remodel of the bathroom (and my mom had to tear it out and spend a bundle of $$ on new tile and supplies because he totally botched the job and did what she told him NOT to do - his pattern), and then we stopped in one day and left water spots on the kitchen sink because we washed our glasses and hands and had the NERVE to not dry out the sink with a towel before we left (who wipes out the kitchen sink on a daily basis when it is just water drops from scrubbing the sink after washing dishes? or after rinsing hands?)
We had just buried our cat in their backyard -with their permission, next to our other cat and the dog I grew up with - it was Wiz' request that we bury her there. That was the day we left a "disaster" meaning water spots in the sink, and bro changed the locks to my parents house and told my parents we refused to play with the cats at all and had said we hated my folks. He left notes about all of that for them. I found the changed locks and called my folks in Europe, almost hysterical because he told us that they had ordered him to do that. They didn't. They didn't fully believe the locks were changed and he had them back to their locks by the time they came home. We had photos of the new lock on the door because if we didn't have proof then he would claim we made it up. My mom still thought we photoshopped it because who would change someone else's locks?
When I called them in Europe, I BEGGED for their forgiveness and kept saying I was so sorry and I put my keys in an envelope in the mail slot and I promised to NEVER bother or upset them like that. Bro totally made it sound like they were furious and never wanted to see husband or I again. I even promised that they would never be kept from my kids and wouldn't have to see us, that we would just drop the kids off and not come in the driveway or get out of the cars - it was THAT BAD from what he said and wrote to us.
My dad was FURIOUS - at bro. Of course Mom figured that I was just over-reacting as usual and wouldn't let him chew bro out. We lived with my folks for 2.5 yrs and at least once a week bro told us how we were taking advantage of them. At the saem time they bought a home and acreage for him to live on, paid his utilities and phone because he couldn't pay them on time and they had to be in the property owner's name (he told them this because his credit was so awful that he couldn't get an account but they didn't know this until 2 yrs later!), and paid for him to go to college and for his child's daycare and his divorce and his wife's medical bills while they were married and for his daughter to be in sports and cheerleading and at least 3 other things at one time. My kid? Had one activity at a time and WE paid for that.
Bro does this constantly, and tells my mother lies about me saying/doing things and hating her and she buys it after he says it 40+ times. I know 40 s a big #, but we have COUNTED him saying things to triangulate us from my parents because he cannot triangulate husband and I from each other or our kids or get husband to go to bars and find strippers and sleep with other women. He tried ths off and on for YEARS and husband wasn't into that wehn he was single, and sure not after we married. He will go back over some sin (usually imagined) until you hear it so often that you begin to think it is true. He gets my mom with this almost every time and has for most of my life.
THIS is why I cut him out of my life, this and cornering us outside the bathroom away from the rest of the family and hitting me or twisting my hands until they are sore and swollen and saying vicious things. When I learned he was doing it to Jess and thank you, that was IT and we haven't seen him except when he forced it by walking into our home with a key he copied from my spare key at my parents. I know where he got the key because my dad heard about it from Wiz (Jess called him hysterical after the last time he did it) and told bro to give the key back or move out of his home (the one they bought for bro to live in) for good. Then dad took the spare keys to our home and cars and put them in a hidden place that he won't even tell my mom about but is locked up. I know where they are, but dont' have a key to get them.
THIS is the koi my family dishes out. So no, it is NOT you. it truly IS them, just like my mom and bro truly are codependent nuts and he is an abuser to me and mine. Oddly, bro TRULY is not abusive to most people and most think he is the greatest person alive. he is the best parent his daughter has, which is far from hard as his ex is an addict with eating disorders and myriad mental illnesses, and he has a ton of people hwo think he is so wonderful until they see how my kids are terrified of him.
So that is the proof that you are NO WHERE near being alone in this. in my opinion the more stable and sane and healthy we get, the more the relatives are threatened by it and the more they exclude us. Every therapist I ever saw told me to cut ties with bro and if mom didn't accept it with ehr too. It wasn't until y'all told me the saem thing and I realized my kids had nightmares and panic attacks at seeing bro's vehicle that I did it. I am very ashamed I didn't cut ties long before this.
I am sorry your family treats you so horribly. Know that it is THEIR dysfunction and not yours that causes it.
