I hate conflict, dumb lady at the store went off on me

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by buddy, Dec 16, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I was in line at big lots and just when this girl and I finally got up (there were only two cashiers open and dozens of people in lines) she told the girl in front of me she had to go to the end of the line next to us, I asked, "did she say we had to go to the end of that line? " and the cashier said, yea I have to go over there and help something but you can wait, and I said, yeah it will probably be shorter just to wait if that's ok.... and this chick in the other line says, why dont you just move since she has to help that lady who was ahead of you anyway (what lady....where????? I didn't even know what the heck she was talking about, and I said, well she didn't explain and that is why I was asking and she just went on and on and on and I finally said, I think you need to mind your own business, and she said well I am right here and I could hear you...

    Excuse me, when did the rule become if you can hear someone's conversation, you are invited to join in? I finally turned around and another cashier came to open a different lane and I guess God helped me because my good manners made me be first in line and that lady still had to wait, lol.

    But here is where I still need work, I was going over the conversation over and over in my head. I get so upset with conflict and it is just stupid, she means nothing to me, I will never see her again, and I did nothing wrong. My son even says, mom, why are you talking to yourself...I dont even realize that my lips are actually moving! So stupid, really.... I have to learn to let things go better.
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Sometimes I have a hard time letting go of things too.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I had to work for a long time on that, too. But once I got there, it was very freeing.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Just part of today's bad manners. People think they can butt into every conversation.

    Just plain rudeness. Let it go.

  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am like you I hate conflict and don't let things go easily. I have learned to speak up for myself but I'm always afraid people will think I'm the biochewhen I'm really not one at all. I am running into more people who are rude and act entitled these days. When I defend my property or my boundries they act like I'm in the wrong when really it is they. I often feel like I'm the only sane persosn in an insane world.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Gee Buddy, could it have anything to do with always second-guessing ourselves....like saying something to difficult child and it comes across wrong and makes a bad situation? I know I do that with both difficult child's. I replay conversations and situations to see if I could have done or said something different. I do it with other people when what has happened upsets ME. I guess we are just doomed. LOL
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Another self improvement project, sigh
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I really think you handled it fine and that it's normal to feel residual anger in a situation like that. No need to fix it, eventually it will become a faded memory and you'll laugh over it one day.

    You may recall my incident at the Mobil station with that rude cowboy...over two months ago? If his truck is there in the morning? I don't stop for coffee...because I'm mortified by my behavior of going off on him-EVEN THOUGH I STILL FEEL HE WAS WRONG! Lol. But I'm not still seething, I can laugh about it now. Maybe soon I'll be brave enough to face him without raging hormones and even smile at him! Won't that confuse him? Lol.

    Go easy on yourself, Buddy.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I had DF help me with this one.....he's an ACE at residual anger and was extremely helpful with me. He said women don't tend to let go of things as well as most men,and I believe he is correct. (shorter attention span and all) haha ahem.

    SO he would turn to that woman and quote a Monty Python line and (no I'm not kidding) in full view of everyone in line and a very bad British accent blurt out:

    WHOT????? EWE don't like it? WELL $)(*% EWE.

    Yeah - once you have someone do THAT to someone else who thinks they want to bully you in public? It kinda takes the wind out of their sails......

    HOWEVER as he's gotten older? And a (lot) more wise - he now merely turns to the same kind of person and begins to laugh. You can't belive what laughing at someone like that will do to them. It's hillarious. Laughing at them takes their power. And it makes other people either wonder if you are mad, or if that person is just a big old bully and then they laugh too. Being laughed at in public is WORSE than just about anything else. Trust me -

    It's really hard to come up with a SMART comeback to that.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Said the lady who said something to someone in a checkout line that I cant repeat in the watercooler for fear of having to censor myself!
  11. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Wow...She did step over the line (pun intended) telling you what line to go in. I don't like conflict either (I live with enough of that at home with difficult children), so the last thing I would want is a confrontation with a stranger while standing in a long store line during the holidays! I find when I am calm, I have much more of a presence of mind to come back with a snappy retort that, while not necessarily insulting, makes me chuckle (THE most important thing!) and gets the other person to closeth their mouth.

    At first, I might have just said, "Thanks for the advice, but I prefer to stay in line here."

    However, thus the lady yammers on and on about it I would have to step up my game:

    In a quiet voice sprinkled with just a faint hint of bemused sarcasm I would say to her: "Please know, I greatly appreciate your deep concern in regards to where I stand in line. During the hustle and bustle of the holidays, some people are so focused on buying presents and making merry, that they neglect to consider the needs of strangers and their fellow man. Thank you for demonstrating that the christmas spirit is alive and well and can be found in unexpected places; even standing in line at Big Lots."

    Evil Grin..;)
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, don't beat up on yourself for it!
    It reminds me of a couple of people in line when I was traveling with-my cousin, P and my daughter. I was stressed out enough as it was (just being around P, the Drama Queen, will do that) and someone didn't see the wheelchair, so they thought we were moving ahead to the security screener unfairly. Turns out another young woman stepped in with-us and I didn't see her. Some beyatch (as difficult child calls it) started in on us and I was going to let it go but she wouldn't stop. I finally gave it to her and yelled, "Just CUT IT OUT!"
    It stopped her in her tracks.
    easy child was so embarrassed.
    I'm not upset about it any more ... just thinking these kind of people are useful for characters in my short stories. :) When life gives you lemons ... :)
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    You guys are so good, I do wish I would have thought of those things to say and do. As I read them I realized that is part of why I go over things in my mind, thinking of what i could have said.... sometimes in a mood to just fix it and others to just snap a clever something back. I really mean I should work on it. This kind of thing can shut me up and go back to my less assertive mode. I have the same rights as anyone to honestly ask for something even if it it causes an honest disagreement. I am much better but once in a while I slip back, smile.

    Glad I had someone to tell, I dont have that in the real world.
  14. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    French has a wonderful expression for this "l'esprit d'escalier" - literally, "staircase mind". In other words, all the brilliant rejoinders and quips you think of on the staircase on your way out :)
  15. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'm the same way Buddy. And Malika, I like that!
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Says it all malika.... need to send it to me phonetically, lol
  17. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I seriously think it is the war wounds of raising a difficult child....I used to be so patient.

  18. buddy

    buddy New Member

    something to that too Steely, for sure. The last time I had been in that store (It is brand new for us) was when I had to take Q out of school and got him the haircut and was trying to distract him...he loves checking out new things. So, I was checking out, had bought his school snacks there and some toiletries (wow the prices were so good, and I hate that stuff....so much money for things we run thru so fast, but we can't live without)....and somehow she hit the cash button and there was nothing she could do but void it and start over..so she entered every number off the old receipt, then Q started going off, adn then she missed something so I went thru everything number by number, now my calmer kid started saying I was a b, etc... I suggested he go walk outside....

    so this time he was fine, no problems but I think I had flashbacks of something going wrong and when asked to switch lanes, that is why I asked if I really had to go to the end of the other line and start over.... she answered and offered for me to wait and I was good with that, the girl I was talking to was fine... But inside I was waiting for Q to fall apart just from last time.... so to have that lady go off on me, it was compounded for sure.
  19. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yes...Oh Yes...I do that often with many things. Later I realize it is because of some experience or episode that had happened with Matt that was the original trigger. This is all not easy -- but we are doing the best we can -- so I sometimes I think being a little grumpy with people is a non issue compared to other issues.
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    u r soooooo right. i always tell people to look at the big picture with q and i should do the same for myself.