I hate husband right now

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Dec 27, 2008.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    Today I'm tired of spinning everything around to see the blessings. I am practicing acceptance till I'm blue in the face but right now I just want to throttle husband.

    He's in one of his "sunshine" moods (insert major sarcasm here). His typical MO is to just be pissy and mope around with a sense of resentment. If you ask, nothing is wrong. After a while he started venting about how everything is my fault. difficult child isn't aspergers, I'm just looking for an excuse for behaviors that i don't want to deal with. He's overweight because I don't make him get out more, he and his friend that he's playing with today are too loud and wild and I'm not parenting enough. Well I just let him had it. Told him to step off his sanctimonious high horse because he is part of the problem. If he thinks manster needs exercise why doesn't he get off his patooti while I'm killing myself getting the house cleaned and going to the grocery store. I told him he needs a meeting. I'm not supposed to say stuff like that because it's taking his inventory but I've had it.

    He just has a way of going for those areas of vulnerability, going straight for the juglar, you know? I just want to get away as far as possible because his energy is so dark, vindictive and ugly.

    I feel very fragile and tired. I'm doing the best I can. Not perfect, no, and a little more help and less criticism would be a dream come true.

  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am so sorry. Seriously there must be something in the air, in regards to relatives and how much they can drive us to the limits right now!

    I am just SO sick of hearing that our kids are not really dealing with the issues they have.

    Let's just take our imaginary selves and our imaginary issues and all go camp out at Abbey's...
    Wait first we will go hit Abbey's and then your house and then my in-law's... NEXT????
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    There really must be something in the air. I am so sorry ML.

    It is OK to sometimes be in a place where reality bites, and you could not see a blessing if it bit you on the arse. Sometimes life just does bite. And you need to vent, and get it out. That is why we are here.

    I do not know the history of you and husband - but the blame game is a common one when it comes to these kids. It is everyone else's problem or issues, except theirs. It is maddening. Truthfully, it is one of the reasons I have tended to lead a relatively solitary life the last 6 years. I just got done trying to explain to others "the deal", let alone his own bio dad, or step dad.

    I was thinking tonight about this guy I kinda have a crush on at work - and how cool it would be if he asked me out. And then, I thought oh good god no...........then I would have to try and explain the whole difficult child thing. At this point I refuse to date anyone that truly does not get our difficult children
    (I know, good luck to me:sad-very:)

    Anyway. Hugs girl. We are here for you. Vent away.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Can y'all stop my mother's place and give her a good kick in the heinie? Sorry, I won't be travelling with you on this journey.

    ML, I'm sorry your husband is being such a pig. I think I would have let him have it with a few more barrels. You certainly started well but maybe you need to hit his jugular or, better yet, hand him whatever item you were cleaning with and go play with boys outside. At least you'd have some fun, your son would be outdoors and he'd be getting some exercise. And, if your husband has an ounce of sense in him, he would use whatever cleaning appliance was handed to him in the appropriate manner. Of course, if he didn't, you could always help him shove it where the sun don't shine.
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    This is a familiar scene at my house. Do what I do...go shopping and buy something for yourself. That will make you feel better. -Alyssa
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    Thanks everyone.

    As far as history goes, this is how I wind up in my current reality. Ex husband was a nice guy who just couldn't fulfill his responsibilities as a dad. He was very sweet and kind but working full time consistently for him was too much. He made a series of bad choices that hurt our family and after 16 years of marriage I made the painful decision to leave.

    I met husband right after my divorce. I thought he was the love of my life. In hindsight, I went into marriage too quickly but at the time I was so happy and grateful for a second chance at love. husband went back to drinking about 2 years into our marriage after having been sober for 8. He has put me and manster through some difficult years. Many of my friends and family have about disowned me for not having dumped him but I am determined to create a semblance of family for manster. Also, the financial devastation would be huge. I don't want to put manster through a second divorce. Sometimes I think I should have stayed in the frying pan instead of hopping into the fire.

    I didn't know manster was a difficult child when we met, he was just 3 and very active. If I knew then what I know now _____________________ fill in the blank.

    So here I sit determined to make it work. husband is going to AA meetings and I am going to alanon. I give the future to God and just try to keep my side of the street clean and do the best I can.

    I have made so many mistakes but to have husband go on and on about how I am a horrible mom is too much. Especially when he has done nothing but let me down and I keep looking for ways to accept and forgive.

    I'm really glad you guys are here.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh.........so husband is the step dad?
    Unfortunately that explains it all.
    It is entirely too difficult to get the step, non bio dads, on the same page as us.
    I say this from experience. I believe the term blood is thicker than water applies to difficult children and their parents specifically.

    However, I believe it will be different for you.
    Many, many hugs & hang in there.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, ML. We've had similar things going on around here for almost 9 years. I felt like I was dealing with two little difficult children and having to referee everything. It's gotten better, I think because Miss KT is no longer living here, but there are still moments when I want to lock them in a room and let them fight it out.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    There is acceptance, and then there is letting husband get away with acting like a major horse's arse and treating you like dirt. Sounds to me like you stood up when you should have, and there isn't a thing wrong with that.

  10. ML

    ML Guest

    Thank you all for your support. I woke up feeling emotionally hung over. Perhaps it is I who needs "the meeting" (alanon). Peace and Light, ML