I have a husband gripe too!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by misskrystal, Oct 30, 2008.

  1. misskrystal

    misskrystal New Member

    So I stay home and take care of the kids. I cook I clean, I wash his underwear, make the bed, help difficult child and easy child with homework. If it happens at this house it's because I did it. Heck all last summer I mowed also. He trashes the yard, I pick it up. He doesn't care how nasty anything gets, he doesn't care what people think. I do.
    So I am stuck doing everything. Then he whines because he has gained weight, but doesn't want to do any sort of work out with me. Won't go for walks, nada.
    Then, if I may get personal, I have to be on top for sex because he bumbles around. He acts as though he has no idea how to please me. Everything used to be great. Now I am wondering what I am doing and if it was just my raging libido that made it great....
    I am thinking that maybe I don't like sex with him because he makes me so mad all the time. He doesn't do sweet things for me, he falls asleep in his chair right after supper. I always hear how they do nothing at work, but he is asleep in the recliner by 7:30. I am lonely, and I am tired. I don't even try to look good for him anymore, and then I get guilt from it from him. He doesn't plan dates for us and he goes and does stuff for everyone else on his days off.....
    He ignores me when I cry, won't wake up to watch the kids when I take a shower and he won't uphold the rules I put down.

    Why do I bother? :whiteflag:
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, misskrystal. Not to tell you what to do...but this kind of behavior is why Useless Boy is my ex. There is no easy answer. Sending hugs.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey! Basically? Men sleep in recliners. They feel that they work harder than anyone else on the planet and deserve to be pampered when they get home.

    Are you happy with this arrangement? Um, I'm going to take a guess here that the answer is "no".


    What I mean is: stop washing his underwear, stop mowing (I know that'll drive you nuts - but try for a little while) serve the dinner 1/2 hour before he gets home and let him re-heat it himself.

    Basically: go on strike. Until he starts trying to join in with the family, he doesn't get benefits. Meaning - he's a "non-participating part of the furniture". As I said in a post the other day: This will be your "Declaration of Independence".

    Don't pretty up for him, pretty up for you. Ultimately, you have to let him know that you're sick and tired of being taken for granted.

    I think most of us have been there - state your case simply - and let him know that you're not going to settle for less!

    Ok, can anyone tell that I'm just not in the greatest of moods today?!!! ;)

    Feel better hon!

  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sounds like you're both depressed. Any chance you can drag him to a doctor for a checkup and mention all of his behavior (or lack thereof)?

    I went through this with my ex but I did manage to get him to the doctor (I threatened to leave him) and the doctor agreed his biggest problem was depression, put him on Valium for 3 months and I had magically had my hubby back. Obviously, I can't promise this will be the magic trick for your husband but it certainly can't help.

    In the meantime, mega HUGS. Dealing with a problem child and a depressed hubby really makes for a hard life.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Your job is just important as his, WAIT it's actually more important.

    Alot of us have been where you are also, unfortunately. It takes two people to make a relationship work on multiple levels. I'm learning even now at my age and a divorce under my belt these simple things.

    Do just that tell him what you would like to see happen and that you aren't happy and change needs to happen. Than do for you, you can't change him you can only request change and leave it in his hands. Yet you can change and work on you......find time for yourself I'm learning is so important also make you look good for you, your so young you deserve that time.

    Good luck, chin up. I firmly believe change can happen.

    Hugs to you :)