I have a new daughter!

[LoveSushi]

And this one actually likes me and respects me and thinks I did a fantastic job raising her husband.

Have you guessed yet? My son got married! I'm happy for them, they were made for each other. Yes, they are young, but they are much happier living together now that they're married. Even though they got their license on Tuesday and got married on Friday, it was a beautiful little wedding, and this mama made it pretty special for them. Ceremony, food, wedding cake...get this. This SAME bakery that did my son's very first birthday cake when he turned 1 year old also did his wedding cake, with ONE day's notice! They did a magnificent job, and didn't charge me the going rate for wedding cakes...just a regular 8" cake that they "fancied up a bit". It was lovely, the whole event was just perfect. Imagine what I could have done with a weeks' notice! LOL

Now about the she-spawn. You might remember that I was burglarized in mid-January. All my gold and diamond jewelry, my grandmother's pearls, my mother's jewelry and even my funky fun costume jewelry that was hanging on the back of the door in my bedroom - gone. Plus my husband's digital camera. We have no doubt it was her...it was targeted, that's is all that was disturbed, she knew where I kept it and our adult dog (who she knows) let her in. Anyway, all familial ties have been cut - though she initiated that some time ago. But I have no interest in ever having any kind of relationship with her again. I changed my life insurance policy even.

Anyway, bout a month after the incident, she posts some pictures on Facebook...obviously they taken with a nice camera, and she asks people to let her take their pictures, she wants to build up a portfolio. I'm steaming just thinking about it. Yes, I do sneak in a back door to look at her Facebook...so I obviously haven't let go...and it just pisses me off every time I do it, but I just looked again, and she's flashing a new manicure, with LOTS of diamonds on two of her fingers. Not my diamonds, but something that is definitely not something she (an unemployed drop out) and her piss-poor gangster wanna be husband can afford. Oh, and she also left the comment, "I love having money!"

Ohhhhh, I am so angry. And hurt. And disgusted that such a creature as she actually came from my body. Bad seed. Her father is a pathological liar and I believe has serious Borderline (BPD) tendencies. In fact, his first words (only words about it actually) when I told him what she did was "Don't ruin your daughter's life!" He knows that she's a thief and a liar and always has been and he asks ME to not ruin her life. I wish they could bust her and she could sit her sorry little ass in jail for a very long time.

I'm glad my son at least turned out ok.

I know. Quit looking at her facebook. Detach. I wish I could but it's like a compulsion I just can't control. I need to tell my friend to change her password so I can't go in and look.

I'm just so...defeated. Tired. Done.

 

[BusynMember]

Why do you look at her Facebook? What's the point? It's only going to cause you grief and you don't need to be a masochist.

 

[LoveSushi]

I know that MWM. Maybe I do it to punish myself. Who the hell knows...it's a compulsion. I say I'm not going to do it again...maybe go for a whole week....then I'm sleuthing again.

 

[pasajes4]

I did the same thing with my son's account. I always found things that I wish had not. My son is 17 and living at home when not in juvie or a psychiatric hospital. I always told myself it was so I would know what disaster was coming so I could head it off. It did not work that way. I just found myself getting angrier and more ineffectual (is that even a word).

 

[Albatross]

I used to keep track of my son's activities through his cell phone (part of our plan before I had it disconnected). It was usually stuff I didn't want to know and I just ended up angry and worrying more. Now I wonder how he is doing, but curiosity is a much easier emotion to process. Congratulations on your son and his new wife! Much happiness to them and to you.

 

[Albatross]

Was thinking too, and this sounds a little "woo-woo," it seems like my most active sleuthing is soon followed by a crisis that he wants us to fix. I don't know if I'm picking up "crisis waves" from him and feel driven to investigate or if he picks up "mommy waves" and decides to try to ride them or if it's just big unhappy coincidences. But keeping my distance for some reason seems to keep things calmer.

 

[LoveSushi]

Today, Feb 28, 2014, I will NOT look at the she-spawn's Facebook page. In fact, I will ask my friend if she will change her password. Albatross, your words "Curiosity is a lot easier emotion to process" really hit a chord with me.

Thank you, for both your wise words, and for your good wishes for my son and daughter-in-law.

 

[Childofmine]

It's so hard to let go.

The other day I was driving through town. I had this strong compulsion to drive by the day shelter where I know my son has gone over the past few weeks to eat breakfast, lunch and use the computer, etc.

My car started to go there (lol).

But I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't.

I am not sure I will ever stop wanting to. Drive by, check my email from him, whatever it is. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.

It's not about the wanting to.

It's about what I DO. I had enough recovery, energy, whatever not to DO IT.

It's not about what we think. It's not about what we say. It's about what we do.

Forgive ourselves when we stumble, because folks, this is hard stuff. Then get up and try to do better. It's all about us now. Peace, serenity, contentment...and even joy. Whatever gives us that, let's do it more.

 

[Albatross]

I'm glad you found it useful. Not that curiosity is an easy one to process. Tonight is really rough for some reason, not even sure where these feelings come from. One day at a time, right?

 

[LoveSushi]

Sometimes one minute at a time. Hang in there, Albatross.

 

[Albatross]

Very true! Thanks Tess, you too! Glad we found this place.