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I have a question on Custody....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633396" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I just went thru a custody battle with my son (he wanted his son 50% of the time and his ex wanted full custody with son only getting EOW...which is short for every other weekend). I also read divorce sites studiously. His ex recorded hours upon hours of phone conversations between the two of them fighting and filed for full custody calling him a narcissistic and a control freak and not in J's best interests.</p><p></p><p>What I learned is that her tapes were worthless. Nobody...not the GAL, not the court mandatead psychologist and not the judge cared about what they said to each other. They didn't care either that ex had started seeing her husband while married to my son and ran off with him, leaving son behind for a month. None of that mattered one wit.</p><p></p><p>What ended up mattering was what is called, questionably, "The best interests of the child." This actually is rather twisted, in my opinion, but in general these are things that are considered the most in all states. Fights between you and ex and what you say about each other is disregarded. Nobody cares.</p><p></p><p>The child is almost always awarded to the parent who has had primary custody most of the time. If, like you say, their dad visits only when he feels like it, he has no prayer of custody. The school also is huge. If the kids would be yanked out of their school that their used to and the away from the friends and activities they are participating in, the judge will rule not to move them out of that district. Many fathers who want 50% custody move to the school district, which helps them a lot, but still doesn't guarantee 50% custody, which is the standard in most states, IF both parents have been involved from the start. Who lives in your house and who lives in his house are legal strangers to the child and, unless they are convicted child molesters, will not affect the case. However, on the other side, Judges want BOTH parents involved in the kids and most likely would award him some parenting time. If he doesn't use it, that's up to him, but once it goes to court and the Judge signs it, it is your law.</p><p></p><p>I doubt your ex will go to court because then he will have to pay you child support, unless you make more than him. It is taken out of his paycheck by the state.</p><p></p><p>On the flip side, if children are not doing well in school (school is huge) it can be considered a red flag to the judge, GAL, psychologist. Especially if they are not attending school regularly, that can cause you problems is your ex wants to be righteous and bring it up and say, "I will make sure they go to school every day. I will work with the teachers." Blah, blah. My son was lucky...my grandson is a very good student with excellent behavior which made the Judge, the GAL and the psychologist assume he is well-adjusted and that the status quo of 50% was best for this child and his ex lost. She's far nuttier than 36 could ever be and 36 truly loves his son. But that's beside the point. These are the things I learned.</p><p></p><p>It is not easy to change custody. Your ex would have to come up with a significant change of circumstance and wanting to get back at you doesn't count. If he wants to say your sister moved in and flame her, I don't think that will count either unless she is a convicted child abuser. If he dosen't have a lawyer, he is toast. You don't win going pro se. Period.</p><p></p><p>I don't think, from what I've seen, heard and learned that this man can get custody away from you. First of all, I doubt he'd get a lawyer. They aren't cheap. My son had to borrow $30K or more from my ex to pay for his battle. A custody battle is long and involved if it is contentious and guess who pays for the GAL, the psychologist that the court may mandate, and every e-mail your lawyer sends? YOU DO! If your husband doesn't have a rich uncle, relax. He's all talk and he honestly doesn't know what he's talking about. Neither did my son or me when we first started out.</p><p></p><p>By the way, there is legal and residential custody. My son and his ex share joint legal. They do use ex's address, an error my son regrets, but it doesn't mean that much.They live close to one another.</p><p></p><p>Just go on with your life. I don't think your ex has the fortitude it takes to go through a custody battle. My son barely survived it. It is extremely brainbusting and expensive and you get shot down a lot. My son's ex bawled like a baby when she lost what she had wanted to happen. Your ex should have no influence over you and I have taught my son to go silent on his ex. They only speak on a court mandated texting thingy (not even sure what it looks like) called Wizard. Every time they post, the GAL and psychologist can read it. They do not talk on the phone. They do not e-mail privately. They do not have contact with each other any other way. She still puts crazy demands on him on the Wizard. He doesn't answer and the court mandated psychologist told him that he doesn't have to. He can raise his son, while he has his parenting time, the way he likes and she can do what she likes on her time and they can't tell one another how to do it.</p><p></p><p>Your ex has been threatening you for a long time. He is full of hot air.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I think it is too bad your kids have to deal with yet another crazy relative, but it won't affect your custody battle, if you ever have one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633396, member: 1550"] I just went thru a custody battle with my son (he wanted his son 50% of the time and his ex wanted full custody with son only getting EOW...which is short for every other weekend). I also read divorce sites studiously. His ex recorded hours upon hours of phone conversations between the two of them fighting and filed for full custody calling him a narcissistic and a control freak and not in J's best interests. What I learned is that her tapes were worthless. Nobody...not the GAL, not the court mandatead psychologist and not the judge cared about what they said to each other. They didn't care either that ex had started seeing her husband while married to my son and ran off with him, leaving son behind for a month. None of that mattered one wit. What ended up mattering was what is called, questionably, "The best interests of the child." This actually is rather twisted, in my opinion, but in general these are things that are considered the most in all states. Fights between you and ex and what you say about each other is disregarded. Nobody cares. The child is almost always awarded to the parent who has had primary custody most of the time. If, like you say, their dad visits only when he feels like it, he has no prayer of custody. The school also is huge. If the kids would be yanked out of their school that their used to and the away from the friends and activities they are participating in, the judge will rule not to move them out of that district. Many fathers who want 50% custody move to the school district, which helps them a lot, but still doesn't guarantee 50% custody, which is the standard in most states, IF both parents have been involved from the start. Who lives in your house and who lives in his house are legal strangers to the child and, unless they are convicted child molesters, will not affect the case. However, on the other side, Judges want BOTH parents involved in the kids and most likely would award him some parenting time. If he doesn't use it, that's up to him, but once it goes to court and the Judge signs it, it is your law. I doubt your ex will go to court because then he will have to pay you child support, unless you make more than him. It is taken out of his paycheck by the state. On the flip side, if children are not doing well in school (school is huge) it can be considered a red flag to the judge, GAL, psychologist. Especially if they are not attending school regularly, that can cause you problems is your ex wants to be righteous and bring it up and say, "I will make sure they go to school every day. I will work with the teachers." Blah, blah. My son was lucky...my grandson is a very good student with excellent behavior which made the Judge, the GAL and the psychologist assume he is well-adjusted and that the status quo of 50% was best for this child and his ex lost. She's far nuttier than 36 could ever be and 36 truly loves his son. But that's beside the point. These are the things I learned. It is not easy to change custody. Your ex would have to come up with a significant change of circumstance and wanting to get back at you doesn't count. If he wants to say your sister moved in and flame her, I don't think that will count either unless she is a convicted child abuser. If he dosen't have a lawyer, he is toast. You don't win going pro se. Period. I don't think, from what I've seen, heard and learned that this man can get custody away from you. First of all, I doubt he'd get a lawyer. They aren't cheap. My son had to borrow $30K or more from my ex to pay for his battle. A custody battle is long and involved if it is contentious and guess who pays for the GAL, the psychologist that the court may mandate, and every e-mail your lawyer sends? YOU DO! If your husband doesn't have a rich uncle, relax. He's all talk and he honestly doesn't know what he's talking about. Neither did my son or me when we first started out. By the way, there is legal and residential custody. My son and his ex share joint legal. They do use ex's address, an error my son regrets, but it doesn't mean that much.They live close to one another. Just go on with your life. I don't think your ex has the fortitude it takes to go through a custody battle. My son barely survived it. It is extremely brainbusting and expensive and you get shot down a lot. My son's ex bawled like a baby when she lost what she had wanted to happen. Your ex should have no influence over you and I have taught my son to go silent on his ex. They only speak on a court mandated texting thingy (not even sure what it looks like) called Wizard. Every time they post, the GAL and psychologist can read it. They do not talk on the phone. They do not e-mail privately. They do not have contact with each other any other way. She still puts crazy demands on him on the Wizard. He doesn't answer and the court mandated psychologist told him that he doesn't have to. He can raise his son, while he has his parenting time, the way he likes and she can do what she likes on her time and they can't tell one another how to do it. Your ex has been threatening you for a long time. He is full of hot air. Personally, I think it is too bad your kids have to deal with yet another crazy relative, but it won't affect your custody battle, if you ever have one. [/QUOTE]
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