I have an etiquette question.....

[PatriotsGirl]

My son was supposed to go to Florida with his best friend this week. husband and I were taking full advantage and going to Gatlinburg for three nights - we have already paid the first night and we are leaving Thursday.

My friend/neighbor (son's best friend's mom who is also a very good friend of mine) called me this morning to tell me they are probably not going to Florida. She found out this morning that her husband's brother and brother's wife were killed in a motorcycle accident over the weekend in California. She had to go home to tell her husband.

She told me her husband will fly out to California alone and that my son was more than welcome to stay with them at their house this weekend anyway. She knew we had planned this mini trip.

But what do I do?? husband and I really need this time away and alone, especially after the drama this weekend. We were so looking forward to this. But I feel bad sending my son over there while we go on our trip after her brother in law passed away...

Thoughts?

 

[DDD]

That's quite a quandry. I guess it depends alot on their personalities and your son's adaptability. Perhaps having him there would help them stay grounded during the stressful time? on the other hand, would he feel "supportive" and "special" by being with them? I'm sorry you have to face such a difficult decision. Hugs. DDD

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I think the kids would be just fine - they will probably be at my house using the pool since we live right around the corner - literally around the corner. I am just worried I am being rude if I do have easy child stay there anyway...but my gosh, husband and I need to reconnect in a major way - this trip would be SO good for us! But I don't want to come across as selfish and uncaring.

 

[Ktllc]

I would talk to your neighbor/friend and let her make the call. Take all pressure off of her saying your trip can be rescheduled, no biggy. Let her know you realize these are tough times for her family and you don't want to make it any harder by having you son stay with them for the weekend, but if she thinks that things should stay "as normal as possible" for her family's sake. you'll be happy to stick to the original plan. That is totally up to her, and either way: you understand. I'm sorry for all of you.

 

[Shari]

If her husband is flying out alone, anyway, she may totally welcome the distraction of having your son stay. I would talk to her and let her take the lead.

 

[keista]

So sorry for your friends' loss.

I was thinking along the same lines as DDD. Your son will help 'distract' their son, and allow her to deal with her emotions. 13 y/o's can generally entertain themselves with minimal supervision.

If these are really good friends, I would be TOTALLY honest and ask for complete honesty in return. If she's SURE she can deal, then THANK YOU SO MUCH, but if it will be too much of a burden, then don't.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im thinking that if these boys are good enough friends that they were going on vacation to FL together then they are probably pretty tight. The mom and you sound like pretty good friends too. I would imagine she would want her son to have his friend to help him keep grounded during this time too.

Talk to her.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I did talk to her and they did say they were more than happy to have easy child there and wanted to use our pool while we were gone.

Thanks everyone!!

 

[Star*]

I think some type of a fruit basket would be in order taken over BEFORE her husband leaves BY your entire family in person with a sympathy card - simple, elegant---just to make a show of etiquite before you drop your son off. Then at some other point in time you can take your son back and drop him off.

I would imagine that she (the other Mom) would probably appreciate the distraction for HER son so she can be free to help her husband L/D take care of any arrangements that may crop up.

HOWEVER.....Between YOU and the other MOM.....HAVE a plan B in place with phone numbers etc and possibly a Grand parent or a third parent in mind IN THE EVENT that she WOULD have to take off and be with him so as to NOT burden their grieving family with your son - that would be the proper thing to offer. YOU have a place for your son to go in the event of.......THEIR emergency. MAKE sure that is in place. DO not depend on them as a complete get away for YOUR vacation. THAT would be in bad taste and not proper etiquite. I'm sorry for your friends loss.

Hugs and Enjoy your vacation.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

A fruit basket would be nice but for these people - a couple of bottles of wine would be much more appreciated. You are right - I am SO going to do that!!! Tonight!

As for a plan B, I can't have one. We do not have any family here. Our closest relatives are up north. She is going to have four kids all weekend so she doesn't plan on going anywhere but my backyard.

I went over there last night. They are not making any flight arrangements until they know what the arrangements are and they can only afford to send him there and back.

Thank you everyone!!

 

[DDD]

If you have the funds and they are limited how 'bout a gift certificate from a restaurant? Maybe being able to just order plenty of pizza or pick up BBQ would give a nice break. DDD

 

[Lothlorien]

I agree with Shari. I was thinking the very same thing.

In addition to sending over a basket or some food, you might want to offer to let their son stay with you one weekend when her husband returns, so they can have some time together too.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Great ideas!!! And yes, they have an open invitation to have their children stay with us at anytime - always have. We are taking them in October for a weekend while they go away. We are going to take them to Six Flags. My friend doesn't ever take them because she is afraid of heights. They are GREAT kids and my son's bestest friends!!