I have my first counseling appointment tonight~

[hearts and roses]

And I am nervous.

I hate the first appointment because in all honesty, I can talk for HOURS...as in at least 3 hours...and still not get it all out. But a better part of that first meeting is spent going over paperwork and giving the background.

I can only afford to go twice a month because of my co-pay, and even that is a stretch right now. But this is one of those necessary things right now, so I will take if from my grocery money if need be! So after this, I will have to wait 2 more weeks. Ugh. But it's better than nothing.

Anyway, if you could, send up a prayer that I have clarity and can speak in simple enough terms that she understands why I am there. Thanks~

 

[Star*]

Jo,

YOU SHOULD BE VERY VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!!!!!!

THIS IS HUGE!!!!!!!!

(doing the happy dance for you) WOOOTTT
oh and that talking for hours thing? It eventually goes away - honest. DF said I could talk the ears off a Missouri mule when we started dating. Now I have nothing to say - life is good. ​

 

[bran155]

Good for you! I hope the first appointment. goes well and that you have an easy connection with the therapist. Sending up many prayers for you!

Let us know how it goes.

(((HUGS)))

 

[hearts and roses]

You know what it is, Star? It's that I feel like I'm beating a dead horse sometimes. I've been to counseling for myself, for difficult child, for my marriage, for myself, for difficult child, for easy child, for my marriage....and over and over again.

Back when I was married to exh, I had this awesome counselor. Seeing her and realizing my own strength is what eventually helped me leave him and start a life anew.

And the counselor we had with difficult child in the beginning and later for our marriage was also a lifesaver, however she retired to FL. Sometimes I wish I could travel down to FL and make her see me!

So, this is somewhat tiring as this is a new counselor and I hate having to start all over again. Plus, you know, the older I get, the more history I have to give - argh!!

Thank you for the happy dance!

 

[gcvmom]

Even if you ramble and don't get around to addressing all that you want to, you will do fine, and you will feel soooo much better just being able to get some of it out.

Have you thought about making a bulleted list of the major points you want to cover?

Hope you don't fret too much -- it will go fine!

 

[Janna]

I think it's great you're going, Jo. Good for you I'm proud of you!!

I think making a list of the biggie things is a good idea too.

Fingers, toes and all body parts crossed for you for tonight!

 

[DammitJanet]

I could talk to my therapist for hours too. In the beginning I used to email her several times a day...lol.

 

[Suz]

Yeah, your hesitation is understandable. I hope your first appointment went well. There is time to share your story. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Jo,

Thinking of you this morning. How did your appointment go? WFEN

 

[Nomad]

This is awesome! Hoping you will provide an update! From experience...I can tell you that it takes patience and work. But...very much worth it. Prayers and good thoughts for a positive experience.

 

[hearts and roses]

Thank you for all the encouragement.

First, I just want to say that I REALLY REALLY like my counselor. HOWEVER (you knew there was going to be a 'however', didn't you?), she said, often, "Oh, I can relate to that" and "I've been through that myself", which is the only area where I had a doubt as to whether or not she is the right person. While on the one hand it was great to be validated and understood to such a degree...on the other hand, I worry that her outlook and suggestions may be jaded, know what I mean? I have scheduled another appointment with her for when I return from Cali so we will see how it goes. We got along very well and I felt completely comfortable, although for me that isn't so unusual when I am in a counselor's office - in my opinion, I feel it's an 'anything goes' opportunity so I just let her rip. It was good to get it all out and I was able to give her a very abbreviated synapsis of my life these past few years, which I think left her a little shocked, however temporarily. She was very concerned about difficult child. In the end, she asked me what I wanted to get out of the counseling, which was a great sign (as I do not want to waste my time just venting) and I responded by telling her that I need to change my focus after years of taking care of everyone and everything - it's time for me to take care of me and my needs first. I told her I need accountability in this regard - someone to help me stay on track with taking care of myself. And lastly, to figure out what I want to do now that I'm all grown up - lol. She said, "Perfect, that's what I was hoping you were going to say". Nice, huh? Anyway, I look forward to seeing her again.

Should I be concerned about how much she could relate and how she has been through this herself or hope that her experience will help me find clarity? *Her exh was a porn addict and she eventually went on to kick him out - that's the short of it.

 

[Star*]

I think that like any other human being - we tend to think -I am paying you to help me so you should know WAY more than I do about EvERYTHING and EVERY situation.

Give it some time. I too, have great report with our therapist. When I finally got to my own counseling without difficult child or other influences and began working on ME - my therapist said similar things - "I can relate, I know what you mean." and I too thought - HOW IN THE HECK do you - realte to anything I'm saying? Then inserted my own mini-vent - like - Were you adopted, did you live in foster care? Do you have baggage? Were you tortured? And eventually it occured to me that the man was -just a man. Not a knowing all God who should know me instantly.

I think at this point? She's just tyring to use her bag of expertise and knowledge to feel you out and see what works with you so that you can work with her. I flat-out asked my therapist this one day - and in essence this was the reply I rec'd. So give it a little time and if after a few sessions she keeps up with the "I know, I've been there" thing? Just stop talking and say REALLY? Do you know what it's like to ---and then fill in your stuff and tell her - I'm not sure you do know what it's like because we're all so very different.

And I had to laugh at your statement about not using the session for a 50 minute vent......OMG I did.....for like 4 months - every appointment. I just let her rip - and eventually I got tired of hearing myself whine - and him say I know - so I asked him the REALLY? thing and he came back with the explaination - and when I got tired of venting and got it ALL out of my system? I started working on core issues.

When we got done and I got done and therapist felt we had enough skills to help our own selves and he said he felt I no longer needed therapy (OMG was that a shock) I felt like - YEAH - I'm healed.....and still today I find situations where I think - I should call him and set an appointment. to talk about this because I'm just not sure.

And I think it's a good safety net to have, and I've done years of therapy also - but my brain can only concentrate on so many areas of me at a time - so it's bound to happen that I need a refresher now and then so that when I question my decisions and choices - I know I'm not making the same mistakes again that landed me in therapy in the first place.

......well it was either that or a 9 year tequila bender. - I like my liver so I went to therapy.

 

[hearts and roses]

LOL, Star!! She said that at our next session, she wants us to figure out what my first goal should be and how to get there. I liked the sound of that!

I am a patient person, for the most part, and I will know if it's not working in just a couple of sessions. Right now, I feel okay about her. She's really very unintimidating and friendly. The sessions are in a loft in her home and I found it to be a very peaceful place. At the end of our session, I asked her if this was her home and she said yes. I told her that it felt very peaceful and that it was a beautiful place. She thanked me and said everyone tells her that. I told her that is what I want to feel in my home. She said I will one day.

 

[Suz]

Jo, it sounds like you two got off to a great start. When I was trying to decide whether or not to leave my marriage I also vented and vented. Like Star said, eventually you get tired of hearing yourself whine and you ask for help sorting out the particulars in order to set goals. In the meantime, sometimes a RAGE is a very good thing.

Suz

 

[Nomad]

I can sooo relate to stuff said here and I'm learning much too!
I probably spent four months venting! Non stop.
Then, one day, therapist said something about her child with ADD.
Hmmm. That didn't go over well with me. I thought to myself..."I wish that were my situation."
I think she sensed her mistake. However, later I thought to myself that she was doing her best at building rapport. There was a certain similarity in the feelings of frustration with the story she told and how a mother feels.
No one is perfect. There are no perfect people, no perfect days.
However, overall...it has been a tremendous growth experience.
I've learned much from my therapy...I only go once a month now. I'm grateful for this person and for having had the opportunity.

 

[busywend]

Jo, if she is a good therapist she will not push her experiences on you. Just because her husband had the same problem yours does, doesn't mean you would both resolve your issues with it in the same manner. Everyone is different and she understands this. Well, she should.

I am happy for you! Doing for yourself is a wonderful gift you can give yourself AND your family. Everyone will be happier when mom is happy!

 

[hearts and roses]

The counselor said she is a goal oriented person and said she likes to create small goals one at a time and that I should look forward to being prepared to do that at our next session. That impressed me. I think I will still be able to vent, however, I like the idea of creating a goal - even if it's just a teeny tiny small goal for now.

I didn't feel she was trying to sway me either way except maybe a little after I told her about my low point and feeling like I just wanted everything to end. She asked me to elaborate and I so I said that I wasn't thinking in terms of dying per se, just not having the pain and anxiety I had going on - ending it all at once, the kids, the dogs, the house, the H, everything....i.e., running away! She responded, "Why didn't divorce ever enter your mind?". Which it had entered my mind, but it wasn't just H overwhelming me. It was all my wild compulsive worrying and caregiving that was overwhelming. H and the kids and dogs and house and work were all just a small part of the equation. Anyway, I'm going to take it as it comes. I love being able to go to someone and vent and swear and let it all out - LOVE IT!

 

[DammitJanet]

Jo....my therapist and I have so much in common. I dont think I could have formed a bond and continued with a person who didnt personally understand my life. Joy has actually lived through difficult child stress because her son is one...they had to kick her son out because he stole from them. She gets it that good parents can have difficult child's. She didnt look at me like I was scum for my kid's problems. She could relate. Her son was also fixing to become a daddy the same time Cory was. We went through that together. Heck...her son knew Cory...lol.

Our lives have become intertwined and run on parallel courses in some places. Maybe that is why we have become such good friends as well as therapist/patient.

 

[hearts and roses]

Janet, it is so funny about your therapist and her difficult child. Guess what? My new counselor also has a 28 year old difficult child she recently gave the boot to. He was 'staying with' her for the past 2 years and she finally had to say "okay, this is no longer temporary - time to find your own place". He recently moved out - hahahaha. Funny