I have NEVER felt so helpless!!!!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PatriotsGirl, Jun 30, 2011.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am literally begging and pleading with her to let me pick her up and take her to the hospital. I get one word answers that make little sense, if any response at all. There has been barely any activity on her phone. I know she has this staph infection and I can't do anything because I don't even know where she is!! I have never, ever felt so dang helpless in all my life. I am scared to death the police will show up and tell me they found her dead. I am sitting here wondering if we have enough life insurance for her in case something happens. I am in HE!!.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I know it's hard, but breathe.......slow in. blow slow out.

    You've done what you can do for now. I know you're scared, I so totally get that and I would be too, but it's in HER hands now. I know it's horrible to be forced to sit on the sidelines. Try to find something else to focus your energy on that is either relaxing or constructive. It helps, not a ton, but some.

    Keeping difficult child in my prayers that if nothing else she contacts you or gets herself to the ER immediately to be treated.
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Dear PatriotsGirl,

    Hoping you hear from your daughter soon...that she can get ahold of some antibiotics soon.
    Hugs for healing,
  4. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Sending up prayers for you both.
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs. I'm sending prayers up for her as well. Hope you get a rational answer out of her soon; hopefully her non-responsiveness is just difficult child-ness and not something more urgent.
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* hon. Hopefully she's just tired and resting up. Wish you had a way to locate her for a wellness check, though.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm so soryy!! (hugs) Is she with other people?
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs Hun..hoping her non-responsiveness is just her being a difficult child and she is off doing something dumb and not even thinking about you. That is normally how it goes. We are sitting here thinking the worse and they are completely fine and the crisis is over for them so they dont think to call and tell us that. Cant tell you how many times that has happened to me.

    If you have no idea where she is, I guess there isnt much you can do to try and find her. Do you think next time you get up with her she will tell you where she is? Hope so.
  9. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Hugs to you. Hoping she is ok and you hear from her real soon.
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hugs to you. It is such an awful feeling to not know where she is or if she is really safe. Do things for distraction and take care of you.
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well at least I know she is alive....just checked the cell records again and she was able to text two people earlier.... :<
  12. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I can't imagine what this must be like. Hang on tight. Sending prayers and hugs.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I finally got a hold of her yesterday and she was annoyed with me for continually trying to reach her! Unbelievable. She says mom, I am fine and you just won't accept that. Okey dokey. Mom is going to detach. Again. Thank you all for your support!!
  14. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    They do love to keep us on pins and needles, don't they?!?

    Glad she says she is okay...did she see a Dr and get some antibiotics. Hope so, Staph is not something to mess around with.

  15. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    ((( HUGS ))) PG, I am glad she is OK and you rest easier about that.

    I am sorry for all the emotional torture and wish I could take it all away ...
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Yes, there is some underground nurse helping these teens. She received a ton of Bactrim and a black salve. I read about the salve and it sounds like good stuff but she was hospitalized for this last year. She knows it is serious. But I can only beg and plead so much. It is out of my hands. I don't even know where she is and now she is barely talking to me. Obviously, she can only bother with me when she needs or wants something from me. :/
  17. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know this can be maddening. Detaching from a difficult child's health issues is a unique situation. On one hand, your mom instinct wants to jump in, take care of them, get them medications, tell them how to take care of it, just like you did when they were little. You're frantic at the thought of them doing permanent damage to their bodies (or worse) because of their poor choices. On the other hand, they are adults, and have to make their own decisions, even when their decisions cause their health to worsen. Unfortunately I've watched this with both of my girls. With Oldest, it was neglecting her ostomy care and general health and getting infections, abscesses or intestinal blockages. With Youngest, it was not taking her seizure medications or drinking too much (which made her seizure medications useless), and having seizures. "Natural consequence" of poor health choices can be deadly. Yet, I've had to learn that even in such frightening situations, I have to step back and let them suffer, literally sometimes, in order for them to learn to take care of themselves. I even stepped back and stopped meeting them at ER for every emergency, because at one point it was just happening too often. I realize that sounds cold and heartless, but for my particular situation, it was just the way I had to learn to deal with it. I have to take things on a case by case basis now. The good thing is, both girls have gotten better at taking care of themselves overall, and those situations arise less frequently.

    For (some) difficult children with health issues, their health becomes yet another means of manipulation. They call to throw us into a panic, then refuse to answer our calls when we call back to check on them, throwing us into another panic. I try to tell myself that "no news is good news," and that if something bad happens, it won't be my fault. I sometimes worry that I've simply become a heartless B ... but... it's how I've learned to cope, personally.