I have never vented here before!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jal, May 22, 2008.

  1. jal

    jal Member

    But here it goes...

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Have you ever just wanted to kill yourself or them? difficult child has been holding it together nicely at school and at daycare and just as soon as you pick him up and get him in the car he just what I call verbally vomits all over you? I know that this is typical of most of our difficult child's, but this morning I could just have wrung his neck. He has a field trip next week to a pond. We are to drop off buckets and nets. He has to collect this stuff last night - just has to. OK fine. Gets it together, places it in the garage. This am has to get it, has to put name on it, has to put it in the car (we were late to boot and missed the bus). No difficult child not today - stuff does not go today - no difficult child not now, not today, next week. Scream cry fuss - rant rave hit cry-scream - on and on and on and on. Me (sigh). I just cannot do this every day after day after day.

    I want to cry, but I cannot as I am at work. I have had it. We go through this every morning no matter what it is and every evening. There are no happy times at all. He does not listen AT ALL! When it escalates he screams and screams and screams. The whole neighborhood can hear him. I have tinitus (sp? constant ringing) in my ears from the damage his screaming has done. I am tired. I am emotionally spent.

    On the bright side I get to leave for a week in Vegas for work. Respite. I pity my husband. Do I have to come home?
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Live with it all the time. Sounds like you are describing my daughter.

    Can I go to Vegas with you?
  3. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Keeping telling yourself--a break is on the way--enjoy Vegas!

    Your story reminded me of an outing my difficult child and I had to Costco in the end of January that resulted in the purchase of a space shuttle kite. We'll fly it in the spring, I said. When is spring? he asked. The end of March, I said. He counted down until the first day of spring, told everyone about it, babbled on about the kite obsessively. I said, it has to me a windy day. Everyday day he asks, is today windy enough? Everytime he feels a breeze. Can we fly the kite today? So fianlly we fly the kite. It works okay, but dumb me says, we'll have to take it to the beach this summer. When are we going, he says. How many more days? Can we fly it as soon as we get there? When will we fly it? What if there are people on the beach? If it rains can we still fly it? Do we have to take it apart or can we leave it together. I can hold it for the drive. Can I hang it out the window? This goes on and on and on... I like the term verbal vomit--fits!

    Hang in there!
  4. jal

    jal Member

    Lothlorien - We leave this Sunday! You most certainly can come.

    Christy - I use the verbal vomit expression with-psychiatrist and school - they find it amusing as well. You are exactly right - the difficult child's sound alike!

    Thank you!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You have earned your trip to Vegas!

    So sorry about all the screaming. I know how you feel. The only thing I can say is that being late, rushed, anxious, etc. makes it worse for difficult child because he's already got sensory issues and lack of control and it's going to feed on itself.

    Take care.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Verbal Vomit - perfect term.

    I think you may have figured out that too much info too soon is just too much for most difficult child's. We try to give them something fun to look forward to and they turn it into a stressful "Now? Can we now?" event and you feel like just getting it over with just to shut them up which takes the joy out of the event for you.

    I would try not letting difficult child know any long term plans. (Though I know it is impossible to hold back everything, but hold back what you can) Make only daily (or 1/2 day plans) with difficult child who is on overwhelmed mode for the moment let alone having to wait for fun.

    Did I remember that your difficult child is 5 years old? Kindergarten? A lot of big changes in his life this year. He is trying to be a little more grown up. Try giving him a morning task that is just his - "When you get up in the morning, you go to the kitchen and pick out a bowl (have a few on the table or counter if you don't want him in the cupboards) for your cereal." Just something insignificant (won't upset you if not done) but maybe fun and make him feel a little more grown up.
    Find as many tasks he can do as you can - give him a rag and spray bottle to wash outside windows (who cares if they are streaky - you can redo when he is not looking), ect.
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    P.S. Isn't it exciting to see him wanting so bad to participate in the school project? He wants to do his part. :) All the kids are going to do this and so can I.
  8. jal

    jal Member

    Thank you Adrianne. We normally do not tell him until almost the last minute because of this exact reaction. The teacher told the class on Tuesday, which resulted in him babbling about it Tue night when we had no idea (at that point he was gathering his fishing pole and hooks). I wrote her a note Wed questioning what he was talking about and he came home from school with the explanation and permission slip. Unfortunately, being at school it was unavoidable.

    In the am he does sometimes do things on his own. This morning he made himself toast. Got out the toaster, the bread and the butter. Yesterday he got his own bowl and cereal and milk. Now only if he would stop insisting on putting the milk in the bowl at the living room coffee table and just do it in the kitchen or buttering the toast on the living room coffee table I'd be OK. (haha)
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member


    I am not sure life can ever be entirely free from verbally vomiting difficult children. Lately the shift has focused off my difficult child kid to my difficult child boss, who verbally upchucks all over me, daily. It is quite a mess to clean up, day after day.

    I too, am tired. There has to be a better way. You are not alone.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Okay, so WHERE are we all meeting in VEGAS? :D

    FWIW, my husband used to get in the obsessive rut ALL. THE. TIME. And it was about a very grown-up thing that I don't need to go into here.

    My point is that once he started taking Lamictal, this obsessiveness REALLY got much improved.

    Once difficult child 2 was on Depakote, HIS tendency to get stuck improved, but when we added Lamictal, I think it boosted this improvement, too.

    Verbal Vomit... that's a great phrase! I think it's a side-effect of huge, runaway anxiety.
  11. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    Did someone say field trip to Vegas?
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Vent away! That verbal vomit is such a wearing thing. Wish I could join you in Vegas! Enjoy!!!!
  13. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    VEGAS, I'm there!

    Hang in there, mom. I'm new here, so I'll just send you some hugs. I've been venting lately myself. BIG HUGS