I have taken a vow of silence

[Steely]

Yep.............for ten days I refuse to voice my opinion!!!!!!!!
Do you know how freaking hard that is for me?????
So I decided this last night but I woke up so panicked that I had to pare this down to a manageable size.

So now I have decided that I will not speak my opinion about what should be done with difficult children treatment to the group home for ten days. I promise. Cross my lips and swear to you. I will keep my mind sealed. To doctors, therapists, matthew, whomever calls. I will remain neutral.

However, I still have to speak my mind at work, or I will implode. God help me. Slowly, I will be able to work through this and find peace.

More crazy, CRAZY things happened today at work. I am sick, and I told them I cannot come in tomorrow, and I have the next 4 days off after that - so that will help in finding some equilibrium (and a new job).

I just know in my gut something really bad is going to happen with this employee I am scared of. In fact it did today, but it could not be directly traced to him. Oddly, today I felt compelled to leave because I was about to vomit on a customer, and a half hour later this major episode happened. Thank God, truly, I was not there. It was dangerous, but fortunately another male manager handled it, and I believe because he was a male the situation did not escalate more than it did. Had it been just me, alone, I am not sure what would have happened. (And the employee I am in question of thought at the time I was the only manager, but he was wrong, because he did not know that I had gone home sick.) The male manager was upset enough to call the other managers, and say he felt in danger, if that tells you anything.

Anyway.........
When the universe shouts, it shouts it loud and clear, doesn't it?
Steely..........run. Run like the wind. But be silent and agile like a bird.
Thanks for you support. I hope my vow of silence helps Matthew at least, since the treatment team thinks that I am a controlling, enabling, crazy, Mom. Yeah, well, that is a whole other story. In fact I will right a book about that part.

 

[Hound dog]

5 days off. Just exactly what you need. Rest up, make your plans,

((((hugs))))

 

[totoro]

Please do something for yourself during this time. Get outside, walk, breathe, just be.
Go lie in a park. Think then clear your head. Really take some time to just relax and let some of this go. Even if just for a day or 2.
I think it will be good for you to not call for a few days even though I am sure it will be so hard to do.
Let them see that you are strong, that you are able to take a step back. Keep track of this, write down your thoughts during this time and what you want for M.
Maybe you will find something different comes to mind?
Maybe they will find something different without your input? They may have to flounder! It might be good maybe not?
You do sound good though!
Your work is unbelievable.

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm so glad you have some time off! I agree about doing something nice for you-you totally deserve it. Hugs.

 

[ML]

I agree that some self nurturing is in order. You can always *voice* your opinions here Hugs, ML

 

[TerryJ2]

Steely, time off is a great healer.

Yes, you can write a book! Success is the best revenge.

Wow, the male mgr felt in danger? What happened?
So sorry.

 

[klmno]

Yep, you definitely need the time off!!

About the vow of silinece- you're a stronger person than I am- I wouldn't be able to do it! LOL!!

I'm glad you got out of there before "the incident". It's loooking like all the bad thoughts you are having might not be something to fear so much- it might be your intuition that is saving you!!

 

[Star*]

try -
www.indeed.com
or
www.simplyhired.com

I cant' remember where I got these -but if from someone her? thanks - and step up and take credit.

 

[Steely]

I am having a vindicated day.

Loss Prevention finally found enough dirt on said employee to recommend his termination. We will see if HR can man up and do the deed. The are such waffles.

In an interesting turn, crazy pants boss, has now put together a 50 page document stating all of the harassment we have been going through with witchy-poo........and wow........does it stand all by itself once someone put it all together. Too bad crazy pants waited until it affected her, and did not act on it when I was the only one being victimized.

And I have started applying to new places of employment. Keep our fingers crossed. One is in UT.........on the boarder of AZ. My dream job.

I am still battling this kidney infection. It will not go away. I think I may have become reistant to antibiotics because I have taken so many for these. I am praying something kicks in and I don't have to go to the ER.

My vow of silence remains in tact for Matthew. It is really hard, but I think it is a good exercise for me. I can see how what I communicated has been implemented - so it is hard for me to step back - because I can see the power of my intervention. Yet they do not want it. So for now, I will be a bystander. We are supposed to have a visit in March - I pray he does all he is supposed to to make that happen.

And klmno........I do believe my intuition is looking out for me. In so many ways. I can feel it.

Thanks again for your prayers. I feel so much better when I am posting on this board, which says a lot.

 

[KTMom91]

Glad you're getting a break from work. Sending healing hugs and lots of strength. Feel better soon.