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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677069" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome, Drowning.</p><p></p><p>There are elements of your story I identify with. My adopted son is 27. I adopted him when he was 2 years old. He was in an orphanage here the states. I am a single Mother although I have had a partner for 6 years.When my son was in his teens the acting out began. </p><p></p><p>I withdrew to my bedroom, too. I could not bear to be in the house which my son dominated. </p><p></p><p>I kicked my son out when he was 23. I could stand no more. I had to push him to do everything. He had a good job for over a year but let it go. </p><p></p><p>Since that time my son has been homeless off an on. He has had multiple hospitalizations. He applied for SSI, for mental illness and it was granted. </p><p></p><p>I no longer want him in my home. He calls the cops on us to get us arrested. He gave my partner a black eye. In his last few visits he has taken things.</p><p></p><p>All of that said we are doing way, way better. Everything changed for me when I realized that I had no control what so ever over him. As long as I stayed attached I would be sick. (I was in constant pain when he was around me.) </p><p></p><p>Our sons are adults. I faced that. I accepted that I deserve a life where I feel safe and content and happy. My son deserves to be respected as an adult with his own life path.</p><p></p><p>Setting limits is not abandonment. Actually, it is the most loving thing you can do for an adult child. I do not see your son's age but I am assuming he is in his early 20's. </p><p></p><p>He is the person who will have to come to grips with his own life. Not you. Actually, you cannot do it for him. There is no place for guilt or blame here.</p><p></p><p>Your son is trying to break free because that is the nature of things. It is a biological imperative for young me to leave home, to emancipate. Let him. </p><p></p><p>Once you set healthy limits, his behavior towards you might improve. My own son's behavior towards me changed. Once I took control.</p><p></p><p>I did not want to accept that my son had been damaged prenatally and in his early years. I refused to. I believed that my love would make all the difference. It did make a big difference, but genetics, early environmental influences, and a million other things, influence our children in ways we cannot control and for which we are not responsible.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, the most important thing is to stop blaming yourself and holding yourself responsible. Making yourself his hostage...hiding in your own home does not help him. It is horrible for you.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. Post a lot. That is what I did. Post on your own threads and on as many others threads as time permits. Believe me, it helps. Other parents have been through exactly what you are going through. They will support you every step of the way. You are not alone. You are here with us, now. Little by little you will change this and your son will begin to take responsibility for his own life, as he should.</p><p></p><p>Others will come along soon. Perhaps tomorrow morning. Most people are in the Central States or the East. Some in Europe and even farther afield. </p><p></p><p>Take care.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677069, member: 18958"] Welcome, Drowning. There are elements of your story I identify with. My adopted son is 27. I adopted him when he was 2 years old. He was in an orphanage here the states. I am a single Mother although I have had a partner for 6 years.When my son was in his teens the acting out began. I withdrew to my bedroom, too. I could not bear to be in the house which my son dominated. I kicked my son out when he was 23. I could stand no more. I had to push him to do everything. He had a good job for over a year but let it go. Since that time my son has been homeless off an on. He has had multiple hospitalizations. He applied for SSI, for mental illness and it was granted. I no longer want him in my home. He calls the cops on us to get us arrested. He gave my partner a black eye. In his last few visits he has taken things. All of that said we are doing way, way better. Everything changed for me when I realized that I had no control what so ever over him. As long as I stayed attached I would be sick. (I was in constant pain when he was around me.) Our sons are adults. I faced that. I accepted that I deserve a life where I feel safe and content and happy. My son deserves to be respected as an adult with his own life path. Setting limits is not abandonment. Actually, it is the most loving thing you can do for an adult child. I do not see your son's age but I am assuming he is in his early 20's. He is the person who will have to come to grips with his own life. Not you. Actually, you cannot do it for him. There is no place for guilt or blame here. Your son is trying to break free because that is the nature of things. It is a biological imperative for young me to leave home, to emancipate. Let him. Once you set healthy limits, his behavior towards you might improve. My own son's behavior towards me changed. Once I took control. I did not want to accept that my son had been damaged prenatally and in his early years. I refused to. I believed that my love would make all the difference. It did make a big difference, but genetics, early environmental influences, and a million other things, influence our children in ways we cannot control and for which we are not responsible. Meanwhile, the most important thing is to stop blaming yourself and holding yourself responsible. Making yourself his hostage...hiding in your own home does not help him. It is horrible for you. Keep posting. Post a lot. That is what I did. Post on your own threads and on as many others threads as time permits. Believe me, it helps. Other parents have been through exactly what you are going through. They will support you every step of the way. You are not alone. You are here with us, now. Little by little you will change this and your son will begin to take responsibility for his own life, as he should. Others will come along soon. Perhaps tomorrow morning. Most people are in the Central States or the East. Some in Europe and even farther afield. Take care. COPA [/QUOTE]
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