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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 677071" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello Drowning, welcome to the forum, so sorry for your need to be here, but you have come to a good place. Your son is a man, an adult, he should be fending for himself. He was able to find a job making good money, with this, he has proven he is capable.</p><p> This is unacceptable and abusive. I have been called bad names, too. Our d cs don't seem to understand respect for their parents, so we have to teach them, all over again, by having boundaries and expectations of proper behavior.</p><p>There are limits in life, and consequences for bad choices. When we stand up, and do not allow this from our adult children, they have to learn not to mistreat us. They are also learning a valuable lesson, it is called respect for others.</p><p>I will not allow my d cs, ever again, to verbally abuse me. It is against my principles.</p><p> This is a consequence of his actions, Drowning. It is right for you, to protect yourself. It is imperative. Our health is at stake in this, truly, the stress is too much. This is not abandonment. He is an adult, who chooses to be on his own, he will not follow your rules. You are helping him, by not helping him. He will have to believe in himself, and take steps to fend for himself. This is a good thing. You have done your job, your parenting.</p><p>Your home is your sanctuary. Keep it that way.</p><p>We all need a place to relax and call home.</p><p>The same thing happened to me, when my d cs were in my house, it was not a home anymore. I did not want to go to my house after work, it got so bad. I have since, gotten rid of the excess bureaus and such, that would allow my d cs to come back again. I said, enough, is enough. It is one thing to accommodate adult children who are helpful and cooperative. Times are hard. But, if we try to help, and it is not appreciated, and we are disrespected in our own homes, this is unacceptable.</p><p> You are quite right in your thinking here, Drowning.</p><p>We all have to try our best to be strong, to stand up for ourselves.</p><p>It is in our nature to want to nurture, but it is true, that if we help, it turns into over helping.</p><p>We want our adult children to be able to take care of themselves, we will not be around forever to pick up the pieces.</p><p>Many will tell you, that in helping our d cs, we are not helping them, we are just prolonging dependency.</p><p>There is a good article on detachment, that has helped me;</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p>Reading it over and again, helps to reaffirm loving detachment. It is freeing for us, and our d cs.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting here, it really helps. Writing out our stories, helps to work out the pain of it, and the replies you receive, are from people who are traveling a similar journey, all in different stages. We help each other, because we know how it feels to be where you are, and we care.</p><p>You are not alone.</p><p> I am so sorry for your hurting heart.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 677071, member: 19522"] Hello Drowning, welcome to the forum, so sorry for your need to be here, but you have come to a good place. Your son is a man, an adult, he should be fending for himself. He was able to find a job making good money, with this, he has proven he is capable. This is unacceptable and abusive. I have been called bad names, too. Our d cs don't seem to understand respect for their parents, so we have to teach them, all over again, by having boundaries and expectations of proper behavior. There are limits in life, and consequences for bad choices. When we stand up, and do not allow this from our adult children, they have to learn not to mistreat us. They are also learning a valuable lesson, it is called respect for others. I will not allow my d cs, ever again, to verbally abuse me. It is against my principles. This is a consequence of his actions, Drowning. It is right for you, to protect yourself. It is imperative. Our health is at stake in this, truly, the stress is too much. This is not abandonment. He is an adult, who chooses to be on his own, he will not follow your rules. You are helping him, by not helping him. He will have to believe in himself, and take steps to fend for himself. This is a good thing. You have done your job, your parenting. Your home is your sanctuary. Keep it that way. We all need a place to relax and call home. The same thing happened to me, when my d cs were in my house, it was not a home anymore. I did not want to go to my house after work, it got so bad. I have since, gotten rid of the excess bureaus and such, that would allow my d cs to come back again. I said, enough, is enough. It is one thing to accommodate adult children who are helpful and cooperative. Times are hard. But, if we try to help, and it is not appreciated, and we are disrespected in our own homes, this is unacceptable. You are quite right in your thinking here, Drowning. We all have to try our best to be strong, to stand up for ourselves. It is in our nature to want to nurture, but it is true, that if we help, it turns into over helping. We want our adult children to be able to take care of themselves, we will not be around forever to pick up the pieces. Many will tell you, that in helping our d cs, we are not helping them, we are just prolonging dependency. There is a good article on detachment, that has helped me; [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] Reading it over and again, helps to reaffirm loving detachment. It is freeing for us, and our d cs. Keep posting here, it really helps. Writing out our stories, helps to work out the pain of it, and the replies you receive, are from people who are traveling a similar journey, all in different stages. We help each other, because we know how it feels to be where you are, and we care. You are not alone. I am so sorry for your hurting heart. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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