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<blockquote data-quote="savior no more" data-source="post: 698349" data-attributes="member: 19838"><p>Tryin -</p><p>Your story with your daughter mimics mine with my son to a T. I started at a very young age trying to find solutions to his problems from a young age. My feeling sorry for him kept me hooked for many years into his "sad" story all the while he manipulated me big time. There came a point where with time and detachment I saw this and also he had gotten himself into positions where I couldn't be held responsible for his actions and his life. My son has many diagnosis but in the end it comes down to him either deciding to have a different life (or one I deem acceptable) or the one his choices have created. I can still feel guilty and feel sorry for him but none of this changes the fact that it is his life to live and I did the level best I could to try to raise him. Medication has helped him with anger issues when he is willing to take it. At other times he's been out on the streets selling and doing drugs. Because he is of legal age now, I can't impact those choices. I still love him very much and hope good things for him, but I don't hold my life and actions on getting him to some point in the future to where all will be well. I've pretty much given up that illusion and just live today. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter is holding you hostage at times with making you responsible for her happiness and threatening "bad" outcomes if you don't cater to her demands. My son did this to me for many years. He would threaten things and when I finally called his bluff and got some of my power back he started having to suffer the consequences of his actions. Many of these were not pretty and he came close to dying a few times. At no point since I quit taking responsibility for his happiness have I returned to that place of feeling like if I didn't do something it would be horrible. It isn't easy watching his life, but it's certainly easier than feeling responsible for it. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found this site. I have found wisdom and strength from the members here who have also walked the gosh-awful task of having these Difficult Adult Children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="savior no more, post: 698349, member: 19838"] Tryin - Your story with your daughter mimics mine with my son to a T. I started at a very young age trying to find solutions to his problems from a young age. My feeling sorry for him kept me hooked for many years into his "sad" story all the while he manipulated me big time. There came a point where with time and detachment I saw this and also he had gotten himself into positions where I couldn't be held responsible for his actions and his life. My son has many diagnosis but in the end it comes down to him either deciding to have a different life (or one I deem acceptable) or the one his choices have created. I can still feel guilty and feel sorry for him but none of this changes the fact that it is his life to live and I did the level best I could to try to raise him. Medication has helped him with anger issues when he is willing to take it. At other times he's been out on the streets selling and doing drugs. Because he is of legal age now, I can't impact those choices. I still love him very much and hope good things for him, but I don't hold my life and actions on getting him to some point in the future to where all will be well. I've pretty much given up that illusion and just live today. Your daughter is holding you hostage at times with making you responsible for her happiness and threatening "bad" outcomes if you don't cater to her demands. My son did this to me for many years. He would threaten things and when I finally called his bluff and got some of my power back he started having to suffer the consequences of his actions. Many of these were not pretty and he came close to dying a few times. At no point since I quit taking responsibility for his happiness have I returned to that place of feeling like if I didn't do something it would be horrible. It isn't easy watching his life, but it's certainly easier than feeling responsible for it. I'm glad you found this site. I have found wisdom and strength from the members here who have also walked the gosh-awful task of having these Difficult Adult Children. [/QUOTE]
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