Echolette
Well-Known Member
I haven't heard much at all from or about difficult child since I asked him to leave my house after a short stay after rehab...he was stealing small amounts of cash from us, and on his way out helped himself to a phone and some Bose bluetooth speakers. A few days later he texted his 16 year old (then 15 year old) younger brother to say he would pay him to bring him new customers (in reference to selling drugs, I think marijuana but not sure). That was some kind of final, neck breaking straw for me, and I told him I didn't want to hear from him again until he had his life sorted out and had lived that way for some time.
For the most part he has respected that. He called a few times, and once or twice lurked in the park I walk through on my way to work so he could see me. He used to call SO, often just to share like he used to share with me, stuff like "I'm at a great concert!" but gave up when SO was also unreceptive...not mean or angry, just not willing to talk to him anymore. He called his dad this weekend and asked how he could re-open communicaiton with me, and his dad re-terated what I said.
Its funny (not) but these attempts from him make me feel cornered, even trapped. They make me edgy and irritable. Its important to add that difficult child has NEVER threatened or intimidated me, or anyone else. He is very gentle.
Today my phone rang from an unknown number, and since lately I've had good luck with those calls actually being something I wanted to hear about (meaning service calls, teacher calls for other kids, stuff like that), I picked up. He said "hi mommy!" in a high excited voice...and I hung up. Immediately. I didn't even think about it.
And then I had the unpleasant feeling I get sometimes that I was spoiling for a fight...that any new ideas that came across my desk, or annoyances from boss or coworkers, or needs or careless choices from my PCs were going to end up getting unpleasant, ugly. BEcause I feel so ugly myself. I am split in pieces..one voice says...who hangs up on their son???? who hangs up on ANYone??? and part of me says...my heart and mind and emotions are so drained where he is concerned that they are all but dead. I have nothing to give anymore, not even time on the phone...And part of me remembers that he always did interrupt me, always called at work or at dinner and just started in, careless as to how inconvenient it might be, rambling on about nothing with no pause to say "is this a good time." That somehow that has overfilled me, made me fill stuffed up to vomiting...and I just don't have room to tolerate it anymore.
In any case...I hung up. ON my homeless street person son. And I don't even feel I could have done anything differently.
Echo
For the most part he has respected that. He called a few times, and once or twice lurked in the park I walk through on my way to work so he could see me. He used to call SO, often just to share like he used to share with me, stuff like "I'm at a great concert!" but gave up when SO was also unreceptive...not mean or angry, just not willing to talk to him anymore. He called his dad this weekend and asked how he could re-open communicaiton with me, and his dad re-terated what I said.
Its funny (not) but these attempts from him make me feel cornered, even trapped. They make me edgy and irritable. Its important to add that difficult child has NEVER threatened or intimidated me, or anyone else. He is very gentle.
Today my phone rang from an unknown number, and since lately I've had good luck with those calls actually being something I wanted to hear about (meaning service calls, teacher calls for other kids, stuff like that), I picked up. He said "hi mommy!" in a high excited voice...and I hung up. Immediately. I didn't even think about it.
And then I had the unpleasant feeling I get sometimes that I was spoiling for a fight...that any new ideas that came across my desk, or annoyances from boss or coworkers, or needs or careless choices from my PCs were going to end up getting unpleasant, ugly. BEcause I feel so ugly myself. I am split in pieces..one voice says...who hangs up on their son???? who hangs up on ANYone??? and part of me says...my heart and mind and emotions are so drained where he is concerned that they are all but dead. I have nothing to give anymore, not even time on the phone...And part of me remembers that he always did interrupt me, always called at work or at dinner and just started in, careless as to how inconvenient it might be, rambling on about nothing with no pause to say "is this a good time." That somehow that has overfilled me, made me fill stuffed up to vomiting...and I just don't have room to tolerate it anymore.
In any case...I hung up. ON my homeless street person son. And I don't even feel I could have done anything differently.
Echo