I just can't believe all of this...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Oct 18, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OK, so yesterday at the IEP meeting (summary under sp. ed) changes were made to difficult child's schedule and his going out to the bus (he is going out from an end door instead of the middle of the building). He was allowed to go back to lunch starting yesterday and if he can't go thru the line appropriately, then he can tell them what he wants and they will go thru the line for him.

    We said, well ok, now when he gets all these changes he is likely to have a bad time of it. I said, so is he going to get more punishments when he flips out over all of this, and then when he gets the punishment, and he has more problems, will he get even more punishments? Everyone said, oh no, we understand.

    So I get a call at the end of the day that he was super disruptive for the last two hours (I know it was the bus issue, that would be his biggest trigger for sure) and then he ran out of the building early, the bus wasn't there, he was walking thru the bushes, the principal told him to get out and difficult child sassed him. So at night, I told difficult child that for now, if the bus is too hard at the end of school, I will have to take him home. Once his medications settle in we can see if he can try again. Since it was a hard day that was his warning. I typed it out, he read it and we discussed the whole thing. I practiced with him going to the principal (the guy who doesn't come to any meetings but hands down his rules to sp. ed. admin in the school) and apologizing.

    He had a dr. appointment this morning. He was talking about how happy he was to be back eating with his friends. He asks for an a la cart item and I say if he does great at dr. he can. So he earns that.

    We arrive at school, teacher says I have to talk to you....she says admin decided since he acted out after being told of hte change he can't go to lunch today. I FLIP....She says she is going to call mr. sp. ed. admin. and he comes. I explain how the day went down. I say I dont think it is right that admin keeps unilaterally changing what is discussed in the iep and planning meetings. He says they are also going to take him out of he room every time he has an issue (behavior team has the class clear out but that was their call). I said, look maybe taht IS a good idea, but again, we need to meet with the whole team to decide, not just have admin decide to change the plan.

    He finally agrees...ok, So, as we are talking I said, at the meeting everyone said the behavior plan is working so it really concerns me that things get changed like this. He said, well yes, I heard them say that. But on FRI we met as a staff and everyone said it WASNT working.

    Excuse me??? who was at the meeting, WHAT meeting??? So, I said, you know I always cooperate with changing the plan if it doesn' work. I am fighting for this plan because everyone keeps saying (every week!) that the plan IS working. So, how can we do this if people are lying???? ARE just a few people thinking it doesn't work.

    I am beside myself. I also told this guy that I can't believe I was the only one who stood up for NOT grabbing difficult child (the psychologist from school said that works for him) to get him to go where he wants... He admitted that was NOT good and they actually had just been to superintendents meeting for when to and when not to touch students in teh district today. He admitted that they talked about what he said during our meeting. AND????? I just want to make sure this does not become his method for dealing with difficult child.

    So what now? I think I am going to call sp. ed coordinator and ask her what the hell is up? I am going to call support team person and ask her if she was at this FRI meeting....or was this just mainstream teacher fussing about the plan.

    And, I need to know how they are going to respond to the fact that their data shows when the trained behavior aide left all the problems came back.

    I am just sick, legal aide hasn't called yet....Pacer hasn't called or written email back. Frustrated.
  2. keista

    keista New Member


    Just WOW. Have you tried the ACLU? Just remembered them as a legal resource.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Keep pestering legal aide and PACER. Call a couple times a day until you talk to a PERSON. As for PACER, have you called their local number AND the number in the Cities? I have never had issues with getting ahold of a person locally or at the main office. Let me know (PM me) if this continues to be a problem and I will get ahold of my advocate and see if she can get the ball moving. Did my armor get to you in time?? LOL

  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    IEP Team overrules Admin every time. Someone needs to remind them of that simple fact they learned before they got their credentials.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh, JJJ...as we sat there this morning, before admin came into the room, I asked sp. ed teacher/ case manager...what do you think...do you think this is right? And she said, well they are the ones who decide. She said, I can't get in the middle... I said WHAT??? You have to have an opinion, that is your job to tell them what you think....

    Really I am going to make a copy of the accomodation page where it says all discipline decisions must include input from the special education team and stick it on each of their foreheads.
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    The big thing is that the DATA shows the plan works when it is followed. AND they have hands on difficult child without your consent and they don't tell you after wards. AND how can the IEP plan work with admin sabotaging it (I know they will try to say the plan isn't working). AND its not the Friday mtg that decides things its the IEP mtg. It does sound like a few of them get it, but they can't change the behavior of the others who don't. Can you get the behavior aide back?

    I hope the lawyer/advocate gets back with you soon. They are fighting changing and you need more teeth. They picked on the wrong warrior mom. And yeah I always feel sick to my stomach the closer court looms for me too. Especially when it affects my kid.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks guys, I really needed you tonight. I feel so sad and frustrated.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I brought up that point and was told point blank by admin that meant he consulted with the sped teachers (who were afraid to go against him). I don't for a minute think he ever did but I couldn't prove it so I couldn't challenge it. I was even told that it is HIS responsibility, and his responsibility only, to discipline because I wanted it put in the IEP that the "IEP team" would meet to discuss all infractions and decide on appropriate actions.

    Sounds like you got one like mine. Since I went to school here way back when and have been on a first name basis with the superintendent and all the board members (babysat for most of their kids at one point in time), I went above his head. Long story short, it worked but I decided too much damage had been done to difficult child so I pulled him out anyways.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    yes tedo and after today, I am even more afraid you are right.....so very sad right now
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Changes were made yesterday and they already have decided that the changes aren't working?

    OOOOOHHHHH This steams me, too. Admin is full of beans. And not the yummy kind.

    If Sped if afraid of admin... There are major problems right there. Keep going up the chain, sweetheart.

    ...The last time a teacher laid hands on Onyxx, she got bit. Hmm. Then Onyxx got arrested for assault. No, Onyxx shouldn't have bitten the teacher, but - c'mon. Onyxx had marks. Onyxx got SAT ON. PLEASE.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive thoughts and hugs. I may be missing something but didn't everyone have to sign the IEP revisions? The IEP meetings for difficult child always included at least five people and everyone including me had to sign on the dotted line to make it official. DDD
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    IEP revisions were discussed with some objectives to be decided on over the next week. Then we will sign off... In the mean time they put into effect different methods for the same goals... We have another planning meeting on Oct 31 and another IEp meeting Nov 13. In that time the SSST main person who I love will have a baby so another girl is taking over but she is not as strong an advocate (or hasn't seemed so but maybe that is because the other one is doing it) for doing the right thing with the BIP. No doubt they are not doing a good job here. I called SSST person and told her what mr sp ed admin told me about the meeting last Friday...she was apparently not there so???? I asked how I can possibly advocate if I am being told by one side the plan is working (and the data supports that) and by the other side that no one thinks it is? I was also told today by mr admin that he doesn't think it is the new medications and the change in schedule that is causing issues...so now he is a medical expert. I said, well I have lived with this kid for a long time and if he gets so stuck that for TWO hours he is talking no-stop saying inappropriate things in the face of consequences he HATES and does not want...then something is neurologically wrong with him. We know he is physically feeling the medications and it scared him...we know he is afraid of all of the consequences...so???? When he says he understands, I dont believe him anymore.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't know if it is possible but I have had an IEP meeting with a speaker phone utilized for a team member who could not be physically present. Hugs. DDD
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    yeah, I dont know since her position is filled by the other one on the same team. She will be on maternity leave so not sure they would make her do that. I forgot to ask how long she plans to be out. This is her third, sometimes people decide daycare is more expensive than not having a job so not sure what her plan is.

    Thanks for the hugs, really needing it right now.