I just got neighbor girl in trouble :(

[Andy]

Diva watched the neighbor girl last night. On the way home, I saw Diva was at a home that I do not think is a good atmosphere for the neighbor girl so I called Diva and stated she should not have her there. Diva stated the girl's mom knows about it and is fine with it. I told her that neighbor girl is not to be around any bad language (that is how Diva picked up on the grosses of gross four letter words) or drinking (I know people in the house drink) to which she assured me that I as a dumb**** who knew nothing.

On the bus home today, neighbor girl told difficult child that Diva told a friend to go buy her some alcohol. difficult child told me after begging that I don't let the neighbor girl know he did.

O.K. - Here I have a daughter who is very super disrespectful to me and a neighbor girl stating Diva buys beer! I called Diva and she denied this - I don't know who to believe.

So, being neighbor girl is only 16 years old with learning disabilities, I figured I better go over there and get more info. I told neighbor girl and her mom that I had called Diva and told her she was done babysitting because of what I just heard.

Neighbor girl's mom is so upset and hurt. She can't believe Diva would do this. In questioning the girl, we find that she was in a house when Diva stated she had to talk to this boy. She overheard Diva telling him to go buy beer but it was not for Diva. They did not have it out or drink it in front of her.

So, girl's mom gets upset with the girl for starting gossip. I told her that I am sorry I came over but that if it was true, we certainly do not want the neighbor girl near that activity.

The mom said the girl had gotten into alot of trouble lately for doing this. Overhearing something and repeating it out of context. I told her that maybe this time because it hit so close to home, she will learn not to repeat things.

The mom told her she can not see Diva anymore because she hurt our family over this. I talked to the mom and asked that she put a time limit on this, please do not make it a forever can not see Diva.

I think this time the girl has a very vivid picture of how gossiping can cause harms. So now, Diva is mad at difficult child for telling me. She doesn't think he should have. Like I told the girl and her mom and Diva, this had to be addressed because if it was true and I didn't put a stop to it????

 

[Lori4ever]

It probably was a good thing to address, these kids don't realize the trouble some of their behaviors can cause. I hope it makes them think and learn.

 

[susiestar]

first off, difficult child deserves a nice reward for telling you. NOT because it was tattling or gossiping, but because it was about a safety issue.

Drinking is NOT safe for a teen. Or while babysitting. Secrets related to alcohol, drugs, gangs etc... MUST be told to an adult - ASAP.

I am not sure I understood the rest.

Was Diva at the house?

Did she take the neighbor girl(N)?

Was it OK with N's mom for her to be there>

Did Diva ask someone to buy beer?

Is it for her consumption at a later time, or for him or someone else?

What exactly did N get wrong? Why is she being punished?



I guess I don't understand everything.

 

[Andy]

It ends up that Diva and the boy went outside to talk. The neighbor girl overheard them and THOUGHT she heard Diva telling the boy to go buy Diva beer. I think she overhear Diva telling him he could go get some but not necessarily for her.

After talking to Diva and the neighbor girl, the boy did not get it while the girls were with him. According to Diva, it was for himself for a later time. The neighbor girl said they have never drank in front of her.

The girl's mom is angry because the girl is getting into a habit of eavesdropping and spreading rumors. The knowledge I got from what the girl said, had me getting angry with Diva and I am sure it also upset difficult child. So, the mom is trying to teach the girl about how rumors hurt people.

The mom told the girl, "Look what trouble you caused in their family! You can not be repeating things you don't know the whole story about to people." If this was the first time it happened, I don't think the mom would have been so angry. I told her it sounds like the girl just misunderstood what is going on. Her mom says she likes to be the one with info that tells other people. And of course, difficult child was really the only one she could tell this story to since he is the only one at school to know Diva.

I told the girl and her mom that I am sorry to have caused problems in their family. I told the girl that I was looking out for her well being. That she can not be exposed to drinking or bad language and if that is going on when she is with Diva, she can no longer spend time with Diva.

I also told her do not be angry with difficult child. difficult child was only looking out for both her and Diva. He knew that this could be a very serious situation. I also told the mom that what if there really was something going on and I didn't address it when I heard about it?

I am just glad that Diva is not taking the girl to were there is drinking.