a 56 page letter from my son. I am shocked and don't know what to make of it. He admitted a lot of things he'd done wrong, all of which I already knew or had figured had been going on so that's not the part that's shocking. The one thing I hadn't known is that when he was incarcerated before and this time, too, he's been getting ADHD medications from other kids and that's how he's been staying up all night so much. He also says he thinks it made him do better in school. Mind you, he's required to go thru their drug abuse program and anger management program (that one will be the 2nd time) this stay in Department of Juvenile Justice. The parts that shocked me though were him saying that now he realizes that he did those things at home because it was taking the easy way out and blaming it all on me because of the high level of stress in the house, that he now realizes it was him bringing and causing the majority of that stress to begin with and that all he'd blamed me for- if I had been the type of mother he thought he wanted at the time he would alrerady be dead or end up a number in a locked facility the rest of his life. Now, I'm 100% sure he isn't "cured" and turned into a easy child but I am wondering if this is just lip service or sincere. Lord knows, I sure beleived in his sincerity to try to turn things around when he was released from Department of Juvenile Justice last year and that effort made it ...what?...about a day?? At least he acknowledges that he went right back to walking all over me and giving up and resolving himself to just go back to Department of Juvenile Justice. But, I find it odd that nothing big came out that I didn't know about or already strongly suspect- and he probably knows that. Anyway, he said his therapist had said he wanted to read this letter too but difficult child sent it to me first then says we can discuss thru letters if I think he should show it to his therapist or what. Of course, I'd have to mail it back to him in order to do that, which is no problem. I think I will mail it back and tell him he knows the right thing to do already. But I'm going to mull it all over before doing anything- it was a lot to take in.