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Substance Abuse
I just threw out my 21 year old addict son
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 703212" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>He is spiraling. You did the very best thing you could possibly do for him. It might be easy to fall into the "he IS my kid, so he IS my responsibility" thinking, but that is wrong. Well, it is accurate, but giving him money is now the responsible thing to do for him. The responsible thing is to let him feel the weight of his terrible decisions. If he never has to experience consequences for his actions, why change them? </p><p></p><p>His righteous, indignant mood is telling. It shows that, up until this point, he has never experienced real consequences. So he plays like he is being persecuted, or oppressed. That is because, to the privileged, equality feels like persecution and oppression.</p><p></p><p>He is doing more than JUST recreational drug use. NO drug use was permitted in your home, however. That was your rule. He violated that. But his drug seeking behavior shines a real light on his usage. Some people can just use a drug to enhance an experience. But only a junkie steals to get high. I know from personal experience. And the stashing paraphernalia everywhere is normal for an addict. I used to do it so much that, when we moved, I found around 15 oxycontin pills stashed that I had forgotten about... And to think of all those nights I laid up in severe withdrawal.... I would steal just about anything I could from whoever I could. I was an equal opportunity <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> head. I stole from the only 2 adults in my family that ever gave half a single <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> about me. My aunt and uncle, whom I basically worship. This just goes to show that it isn't personal, even when it seems like it is. I adored both of them, and didn't want to hurt them, but their feelings were second to my ability to get high. Simple as that. </p><p></p><p>Oh, and the ridiculous lying... Almost 2 years clean, and I look back at some of my own shennanigens and feel disgust and shame. Telling lies that were so easily discovered, but then clinging on to them for dear life. You could have installed a video camera, with audio, showing him (holding 2 forms of ID) unplugging the Xbox and walking off with it, and he would still look you right in the eye and insist that it was not him. My uncle walked in on me swiping some cash from his wallet once, and I STILL insisted it wasn't me... Seriously, I didn't even admit to it until over a year ago. It's insanity, but it's addiction. It is a horrible disease that doesn't just hurt the addict. The addict becomes a grenade, and will harm whoever is around him. Your best bet would be to pull the pin and throw it back (jk), or distance yourself from it as best you can.</p><p></p><p>He stole from your other children, too... Why should they have to pay for the shittiness of their older sibling, who SHOULD be looking out for them? They have nothing to do with any of it, but they suffer just the same. It is an unhealthy situation.</p><p></p><p>He is now desperate, so his attempts to get money or shelter from you will only intensify at this point. It's gonna get worse before it gets better. Unfortunate, but true. Your best bet is to keep your foot down. Respond only like "I love you, but you are a man, and need to figure it out on your own". Do not engage. Do not argue with him. Even if it is to correct some falsehood he says. It will only add more wood to an already out of control fire.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 703212, member: 20267"] He is spiraling. You did the very best thing you could possibly do for him. It might be easy to fall into the "he IS my kid, so he IS my responsibility" thinking, but that is wrong. Well, it is accurate, but giving him money is now the responsible thing to do for him. The responsible thing is to let him feel the weight of his terrible decisions. If he never has to experience consequences for his actions, why change them? His righteous, indignant mood is telling. It shows that, up until this point, he has never experienced real consequences. So he plays like he is being persecuted, or oppressed. That is because, to the privileged, equality feels like persecution and oppression. He is doing more than JUST recreational drug use. NO drug use was permitted in your home, however. That was your rule. He violated that. But his drug seeking behavior shines a real light on his usage. Some people can just use a drug to enhance an experience. But only a junkie steals to get high. I know from personal experience. And the stashing paraphernalia everywhere is normal for an addict. I used to do it so much that, when we moved, I found around 15 oxycontin pills stashed that I had forgotten about... And to think of all those nights I laid up in severe withdrawal.... I would steal just about anything I could from whoever I could. I was an equal opportunity :censored2: head. I stole from the only 2 adults in my family that ever gave half a single :censored2: about me. My aunt and uncle, whom I basically worship. This just goes to show that it isn't personal, even when it seems like it is. I adored both of them, and didn't want to hurt them, but their feelings were second to my ability to get high. Simple as that. Oh, and the ridiculous lying... Almost 2 years clean, and I look back at some of my own shennanigens and feel disgust and shame. Telling lies that were so easily discovered, but then clinging on to them for dear life. You could have installed a video camera, with audio, showing him (holding 2 forms of ID) unplugging the Xbox and walking off with it, and he would still look you right in the eye and insist that it was not him. My uncle walked in on me swiping some cash from his wallet once, and I STILL insisted it wasn't me... Seriously, I didn't even admit to it until over a year ago. It's insanity, but it's addiction. It is a horrible disease that doesn't just hurt the addict. The addict becomes a grenade, and will harm whoever is around him. Your best bet would be to pull the pin and throw it back (jk), or distance yourself from it as best you can. He stole from your other children, too... Why should they have to pay for the shittiness of their older sibling, who SHOULD be looking out for them? They have nothing to do with any of it, but they suffer just the same. It is an unhealthy situation. He is now desperate, so his attempts to get money or shelter from you will only intensify at this point. It's gonna get worse before it gets better. Unfortunate, but true. Your best bet is to keep your foot down. Respond only like "I love you, but you are a man, and need to figure it out on your own". Do not engage. Do not argue with him. Even if it is to correct some falsehood he says. It will only add more wood to an already out of control fire. [/QUOTE]
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I just threw out my 21 year old addict son
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