HI LyraSol, welcome to the forum, so sorry for your need to be here. It is a good place for folks like us to come and share our journeys, we have all been through so much.
Her decisions were taking a toll on our family and because she refused to go to rehab and had a very violent behavior, we kicked her out of the house and filed a restraining order.
I am sorry that it came to this, but we can't have this kind of behavior infiltrating our homes, our sanctuaries.
The most shocking part was that she had a two year old child. Apparently after two months of her getting kicked out, she met a very charming and handsome man but he became abusive after he found out that she was pregnant with his child. She told me that she would call me and the rest if the family to help her but we would never respond (which was true but the only reason we didn't respond was because we thought that she would try to change our minds).
What a shock. The hardest part of ALL of the drama caused by our d c's, is that nothing seems to happen conventionally.
Normal is shot to heck.
I don't blame you for not responding. It is hard enough to get over the horror of the behavior that causes us to remove our adult children, then get over the heartache of it and try to live our own lives.
she went to rehab to get help and had wanted us to be there for her.
There are other ways to try and get in touch with people if one really wants to.
Because of us ignoring her, she has come to hate us and now wants nothing to do with us.
You ignored her, because of her behaviors and choices, her violence caused you to get a restraining order, by law, you couldn't pick up the phone. Her consequences. The one thing I have learned from my two is that they are always passing blame on to someone else. I know it is hard, but please do not accept this. You did what you had to do to take care of yourselves, the peace in your home. If and when your daughter is ready to accept responsibility for her own actions, she will soften. There is such a thing as a dry drunk or addict, they may not be using, but the personality issues and tendencies are there. There has to be some recognition of her own responsibility in this.
Mof, she wouldn't be able to send us anything because about a month of her getting kicked out, we moved to another house and about three and a half months later changed our phone numbers. Right now, the only way for us to know that she and the baby are safe is because her roommate (who she met at rehab) keeps us updated on how they are. She told us that our daughter would forgive us someday but she just needs more time.
I find it interesting that her roommate was able to find you.....how did that happen?
I can understand how your heart must be aching, to find out you have a two year old grandchild, after three years of no contact. LyraSol, this is NOT your fault. This all adds up to
choices your daughter has made. You regret picking up that phone, but how could you have known then, what was going on? She must have been into some very heavy stuff to lose her boyfriend, all of her friends and be removed from her home and her parents have to file a
restraining order. So, really, you were following the restraining order, which requires no contact, again which goes back to her behaviors. I am sure there is much more to the story than you have written here that led to all of this.
There is a member here that writes to us from the other side of addiction, he writes about
humility. Hopefully, as your daughter cares for her child and continues to recover, she will understand and own her responsibility for all of this. I know this is difficult, but
please do not be so hard on yourself. Our d cs are experts at passing off consequences and blame. This is not on you, it is on her and the grave mistakes she made three years ago, to cause such separation from her family and friends.
If she truly comes full circle, she will recognize this and take steps to repair the void.
It is not on you dear,
it is truly on her.
I am a gramma to three and have gone cycling through years of contact, no contact and I know the heartache of it. Hang in there.
(((HUGS)))
Leafy