Could not agree more!! My son broke into our house more time than I can remember and every time I would come home to find my house ransacked including our bedroom.
Don't keep anything of true monetary or sentimental value in the house.
I kicked out DS, told him to choose drug rehab or police
- Thread starter TerryJ2
- Start date
Don't keep anything of true monetary or sentimental value in the house.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
I've installed locks on all the upstairs doors except the bathroom and of course, Difficult Child has no door.
The downstairs doors are all locked and deadbolted, except for the screened-in porch.
I suspected that it would come to this.
It's sooner rather than ... whenever.
The downstairs doors are all locked and deadbolted, except for the screened-in porch.
I suspected that it would come to this.
It's sooner rather than ... whenever.
Lil
Well-Known Member
I have to agree with pasa...it's now a full day past your deadline. He is not in rehab. I know you've been posting on several threads, but unless I missed something, he's not planning on going to rehab.
You could call the police. Tell them you found pot in your house and threw your son out and would like to turn it over to them. Even if they do nothing, you would have kept your word.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Lil and Pasa, hold your horses!!!!! I've been working on it and very few places will take him. He's not "bad" enough ... no suicidal attempts, etc. They have criteria. His therapist is working on his end, I am working on my end.
Difficult Child did say he would work with us. I never grabbed his arm and said, "Then let's go," because there was no facility to take him. And I wasn't about to take him home.
And the ER won't work. Bad idea.
Difficult Child did say he would work with us. I never grabbed his arm and said, "Then let's go," because there was no facility to take him. And I wasn't about to take him home.
And the ER won't work. Bad idea.
SuZir
Well-Known Member
Terry, try to keep in mind this is not urgent emergency. I mean, it is not a good situation, but right now no one's life is endangered. Take your time, breath, do not rush. You do not need to get him to rehab tomorrow, couple weeks from now will work just as fine (and give him time to understand how limited his options are.)When we feel pressured to make big decisions right now in that instant, we often end up doing things we may regret or settle for less than what is actually needed. If it is not life and death situation, it is better to take a step back, consider your options and evaluate them carefully to find the most fitting. You are also not obliged to follow through something you may have said when feeling pressured if those options do not make sense after careful evaluation.
Just pot does not likely interest police that much, so trying to threaten with that may not be effective. But him not being able to stay and use pot is something that will, with some time, limit his options so much that some realities of life will likely dawn to him. Few weeks will likely also give him time to wear out his welcome in T's house, and, unfortunately, for him to notice he may not have what it takes to take care of a newborn just now. This could help him to understand he wants something else from his life and give him some motivation to work to get closer to lifestyle he has accustomed to.
Just pot does not likely interest police that much, so trying to threaten with that may not be effective. But him not being able to stay and use pot is something that will, with some time, limit his options so much that some realities of life will likely dawn to him. Few weeks will likely also give him time to wear out his welcome in T's house, and, unfortunately, for him to notice he may not have what it takes to take care of a newborn just now. This could help him to understand he wants something else from his life and give him some motivation to work to get closer to lifestyle he has accustomed to.
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Lil
Well-Known Member
Ah...see - I did miss something! I had thought there was no movement that way whatsoever and he was just ditching you like he's ditching school. Sorry.
I wasn't actually thinking they would arrest him at this point...my thinking was simply that they'd come get it and you could then say, "See. I called them like I said."
Sorry if I jumped the gun.
Terry, just checking in to see how YOU are doing with all of this.
In the whirlwind you have been caught up in with the birth of Sophia and your son's disregard for your home and rules and you burning the candle at both ends trying to find a place that will take him, I want to make sure you are taking care of you.
Hang in there!!!
Sending you some positive energy.
In the whirlwind you have been caught up in with the birth of Sophia and your son's disregard for your home and rules and you burning the candle at both ends trying to find a place that will take him, I want to make sure you are taking care of you.
Hang in there!!!
Sending you some positive energy.
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Agreed, this is key to your health. Especially in the midst of the drama go round. Know your limitations and take time for yourself!
Take care! ((((hugs))))
pasajes4
Well-Known Member
My apologies, I missed some information posted on another thread. You have had a very emotional week. Difficult Child has had a huge dose of real life. Right now, you need to take care of you. Suzir is right, none of this is terminal. Sophia needs to be safe and cared for. You need to catch your breath, and Difficult Child needs to stay away so you can figure out what you and your husband feel needs to happen.
jude-in-nj
Member
I have dealt with this with my son. Chronic pot smoker, self medication for him.
Unfortunately in our case.. Insurance would NOT cover rehab for pot usage. The place we wanted to send him repeatedly and gently "urged" him to say he was also an alcoholic.. this way insurance would cover it.. Well, needles to say when my son arrived at rehab he was treated as if he was Withdrawing from alcohol use. He rarely drinks!
He felt he was living a lie while at rehab, had to hide the fact he was there only for pot.. felt like a "fake".. especially since he did not see using pot as a problem.
The one good thing that came out of it was that he did receive therapy while there and was diagnosed as bi-polar.
Unfortunately in our case.. Insurance would NOT cover rehab for pot usage. The place we wanted to send him repeatedly and gently "urged" him to say he was also an alcoholic.. this way insurance would cover it.. Well, needles to say when my son arrived at rehab he was treated as if he was Withdrawing from alcohol use. He rarely drinks!
He felt he was living a lie while at rehab, had to hide the fact he was there only for pot.. felt like a "fake".. especially since he did not see using pot as a problem.
The one good thing that came out of it was that he did receive therapy while there and was diagnosed as bi-polar.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
I found a possible place for him in one of three states. And it's affordable.
However, he has to sign himself in.
But I love that he has no phone, no cigarettes, nada.
And he cannot be on any medication, no matter what.
There are other, similar places, with doctors, where he can be on medication. I know that is more expensive. I will discuss it with the psychiatrist. If I can get through to him. His staff is really bad. For ex., last week I dropped off a medication request form for the school system, so I could keep clonidine and ibuprofen at the school nurse's office for Difficult Child.
In addition, I dropped off a request for a letter with his dxes and a recommendation to go with his 504 plan, since I have a mtng on the 12th.
I called to follow up today, and the receptionist put me on hold, and after I explained why I was calling, she said, "We can't use that form."
"You can't? You have your own?" (And you're just telling me this now? After 9 days?)
"No, you filled it out and he (the dr) has to fill it out."
"Oh. I've filled it out all the other years. So, do you have your own form or do you have blank copies of the one I dropped off?" (I'm thinking, the dr doesn't know which medications I want to keep at school. He doesn't have mental telepathy. And I've always, always, always been told to fill out as much as possible and all he does it okay it and sign it.")
"The school system form? Yes, I can get that. He'll get to it when he can. But it won't be today."
(Gets ready to hang up.)
"Wait. I also requested a letter for Difficult Child's 504 plan. The meeting is Monday."
"He can't write a letter. But I can write his dxes."
Sigh. "Oh."
"I'll call you when it's ready."
"Okay, the meeting is Monday. Thank you very much."
Arrrrgh!
However, he has to sign himself in.
But I love that he has no phone, no cigarettes, nada.
And he cannot be on any medication, no matter what.
There are other, similar places, with doctors, where he can be on medication. I know that is more expensive. I will discuss it with the psychiatrist. If I can get through to him. His staff is really bad. For ex., last week I dropped off a medication request form for the school system, so I could keep clonidine and ibuprofen at the school nurse's office for Difficult Child.
In addition, I dropped off a request for a letter with his dxes and a recommendation to go with his 504 plan, since I have a mtng on the 12th.
I called to follow up today, and the receptionist put me on hold, and after I explained why I was calling, she said, "We can't use that form."
"You can't? You have your own?" (And you're just telling me this now? After 9 days?)
"No, you filled it out and he (the dr) has to fill it out."
"Oh. I've filled it out all the other years. So, do you have your own form or do you have blank copies of the one I dropped off?" (I'm thinking, the dr doesn't know which medications I want to keep at school. He doesn't have mental telepathy. And I've always, always, always been told to fill out as much as possible and all he does it okay it and sign it.")
"The school system form? Yes, I can get that. He'll get to it when he can. But it won't be today."
(Gets ready to hang up.)
"Wait. I also requested a letter for Difficult Child's 504 plan. The meeting is Monday."
"He can't write a letter. But I can write his dxes."
Sigh. "Oh."
"I'll call you when it's ready."
"Okay, the meeting is Monday. Thank you very much."
Arrrrgh!
