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I know....Im a slow learner !!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 682405" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Bless you So Tired. Of course you are exhausted. The merry go round never seems to stop. Have you noticed that the drama is energizing to our DCs and it is completely exhausting to us, just watching it all and being on the periphery? Isn't that interesting? They are motivated by it, while we are depleted by it.</p><p></p><p>We have to learn how to get off the merry go round, and that is a hard and long lesson for most of us, who love them so much, to learn. </p><p></p><p>Be patient with yourself. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is what it is. </p><p>Nothing changes if nothing changes. </p><p>Changing just one thing...can lead to a succession of other changes.</p><p></p><p>So...if they aren't going to change, at least right now...then we have to change. </p><p></p><p>The change could be: letting her calls go to voice mail for 24 hours. Then 48 hours. Then 72 hours. Then responding...if you want to...or not. </p><p></p><p>That change can be a very healthy start for you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are fine with whatever you post and whatever is going on. Don't feel bad about being right where you are with this whole situation. We KNOW how painful and exhausting this is. </p><p></p><p>We have learned this other key thing: When we are sick and tired enough, we will do something different. </p><p></p><p>When they are sick and tired enough, they will do something different.</p><p></p><p>And not one minute before. That's okay. You can't be ready to do something you're not ready to do. We all respect that here. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Isn't this great? We have to intentionally make a plan to start doing things for ourselves, small things, small kindnesses, to comfort and heal ourselves when things are so awfully painful and hard. A walk, a nap, a book, fresh flowers, lunch with a friend. Small things. This is the pathway to peace. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ah, isn't this so, so very true? Each of us, really, has to walk the lonesome valley. Us, to our own recovery from enabling. Them, from their own mental illnesses and demons that torment them. The walk is hard and lonely. We each have one life to life. They...theirs. Us...ours. We aren't the same person. We can't live their lives for them. We are only truly responsible, once they are adults, for our own lives. That's a full time job. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very very true. Adults get to choose what they want. Even if it makes no sense to us. Her brother will get tired of it too, and then he will have to deal with it, or not. Let go of that. Let them deal with it. </p><p></p><p>Ah, so tired, please know that we are here fore. So glad you have distractions, like making wreaths. What a positive thing for you! Focusing on this creative exercise is a healing thing.</p><p></p><p>Things will get better. You can make changes in your own life that will bring you more and more peace, regardless of what she decides to do. </p><p></p><p>Stand back a bit from her life. Let some time go by. Wait. Don't react and respond to every communication from her...instead let some hours or days go by, whatever you can do at first. </p><p></p><p>I very much remember the day I realized---it was like a bolt out of the blue---that I could actually let Difficult Child's calls go to voice mail. I didn't have to answer them. It sounds like a very small thing, but it was huge to me. Realizing that gave me choices and it gave me some space and time to collect myself before talking to him. I could call him back when I WAS READY. I could plan what I was going to say. </p><p></p><p>We have choices. We have to just exercise them. Starting that process is a whole new mindset. Please give that some thought and see what you can come up with that you can live with.</p><p></p><p>We care about you and we are here for you. Hugs today!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 682405, member: 17542"] Bless you So Tired. Of course you are exhausted. The merry go round never seems to stop. Have you noticed that the drama is energizing to our DCs and it is completely exhausting to us, just watching it all and being on the periphery? Isn't that interesting? They are motivated by it, while we are depleted by it. We have to learn how to get off the merry go round, and that is a hard and long lesson for most of us, who love them so much, to learn. Be patient with yourself. It is what it is. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Changing just one thing...can lead to a succession of other changes. So...if they aren't going to change, at least right now...then we have to change. The change could be: letting her calls go to voice mail for 24 hours. Then 48 hours. Then 72 hours. Then responding...if you want to...or not. That change can be a very healthy start for you. You are fine with whatever you post and whatever is going on. Don't feel bad about being right where you are with this whole situation. We KNOW how painful and exhausting this is. We have learned this other key thing: When we are sick and tired enough, we will do something different. When they are sick and tired enough, they will do something different. And not one minute before. That's okay. You can't be ready to do something you're not ready to do. We all respect that here. Isn't this great? We have to intentionally make a plan to start doing things for ourselves, small things, small kindnesses, to comfort and heal ourselves when things are so awfully painful and hard. A walk, a nap, a book, fresh flowers, lunch with a friend. Small things. This is the pathway to peace. Ah, isn't this so, so very true? Each of us, really, has to walk the lonesome valley. Us, to our own recovery from enabling. Them, from their own mental illnesses and demons that torment them. The walk is hard and lonely. We each have one life to life. They...theirs. Us...ours. We aren't the same person. We can't live their lives for them. We are only truly responsible, once they are adults, for our own lives. That's a full time job. This is very very true. Adults get to choose what they want. Even if it makes no sense to us. Her brother will get tired of it too, and then he will have to deal with it, or not. Let go of that. Let them deal with it. Ah, so tired, please know that we are here fore. So glad you have distractions, like making wreaths. What a positive thing for you! Focusing on this creative exercise is a healing thing. Things will get better. You can make changes in your own life that will bring you more and more peace, regardless of what she decides to do. Stand back a bit from her life. Let some time go by. Wait. Don't react and respond to every communication from her...instead let some hours or days go by, whatever you can do at first. I very much remember the day I realized---it was like a bolt out of the blue---that I could actually let Difficult Child's calls go to voice mail. I didn't have to answer them. It sounds like a very small thing, but it was huge to me. Realizing that gave me choices and it gave me some space and time to collect myself before talking to him. I could call him back when I WAS READY. I could plan what I was going to say. We have choices. We have to just exercise them. Starting that process is a whole new mindset. Please give that some thought and see what you can come up with that you can live with. We care about you and we are here for you. Hugs today! [/QUOTE]
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