I Know I'm Just Preaching to the Choir - But Here Goes..

[DaisyFace]

I have HAD IT up to HERE with the health/mental health/court system in this country!!!

I am so tired of bending over backwards to follow rules and meet standards and adhere to requirements and dot all the i's and cross all the t's - only to find that some jerk who did NOT follow the rules and did NOT do the right thing and who made absolutely NO EFFORT to take care of themselves or their children is getting yet ANOTHER break, yet ANOTHER chance, and yet ANOTHER opportunity to screw things up for the rest of us!

What is it going to take to get a little logic into the way we handle difficult children ?

When will the Powers that Be learn that a little pro-active intervention could go a long way toward solving some of these issues before it becomes a life-long pattern?

How long before it occurs to someone that the good folks that work hard and follow the rules could use a "break" once in a while, too?

Why is it so difficult to understand that families need help keeping safe and keeping difficult children under control?

Some of these difficult children don't HAVE to be difficult children! With therapy, with medications, with the right supports, with education - they could go one to lead "normal" lives.

We wouldn't have "revolving doors" on over-crowded prisons and homeless mental patients wandering the streets if we could design a plan to 'help people up' instead of just 'dropping them off'.

********************************

[ In case you're wondering what set me off today? Get this: Mother of two heads off to prison on felony charges, drops the kids off at bio-dads with absolutely nothing - no clothes, no shoes, no nothing - yet bio-dad cannot get child-support payments stopped and will continue to have money deducted from his pay and deposited into Mom's account while she is in jail. Nice system. ]

 

[AnnieO]

Yup. That's America, all right.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh that is just so wrong but I understand it only too well after working in the system.

Right now Tony has a coworker who is dealing with a huge child support foul up. He has one child...lets call him John for ease of use.

Daddy is required to pay support on John through Child Support Enforcement (CSE from now on).

Ok...Mommy goes down and gets welfare so the CSE starts on Mommys case. Daddy pays.

Mommy gets welfare for about 18 months then gets a job because her welfare benefits are running out. CS continues going to mom.

Grandma goes into welfare and applies for welfare stating that she now has John. New CS order starts up. Old order never stops. So now they are charging Daddy on 2 orders! This continues for about 2 years.

Then Auntie Sue goes in and says SHE has John! NEW CS case is opened! CS is now going for 3 cases!

They wont stop any of them and this guy is getting threatened with jail time if he doesnt pay on all of them. As far as CSE goes, its as if he has 3 kids when in reality, its all one kid but the moms family is just playing fast and loose with who has John. Im betting mom had John the whole time but the others just got the welfare to get the medicaid and food stamps along with the little bit of money to go with his CS check.

 

[AnnieO]

Janet... This sounds eerily familiar...

 

[Mom2oddson]

My favorite CS story is what happened to husband. He had his kids when Bio-Mom goes on welfare saying she has the kids. And they set up a CS case against husband. And even after he proved that he had the kids, HE had to pay back the welfare department for what she got. Nothing happened to her even though is was fraud. Got to love the system!

 

[Hound dog]

Yup Janet. And people wondered why it took us so many years to pay of Katie's child support. We weren't even paying child support the last 5 yrs of it, it was repaying biomom's welfare!! Excuse me? What was wrong with HER paying it? She used it, not us. There was no reason for her not to work. None.

System has been broken for a very long time.

 

[Star*]

I hands you a cookie.......really, really.

Last night I'm flipping through channels and rarely do I watch Nancy Grace. Not because I don't think she's got a point. On the contrary; I think the woman is flipping stones and uncovering about every lower than worm parent that should never breed again. Last night? Wow, there on national TV was the parents of three - THREE beautiful children, on the 10th floor of a hotel, with a balcony, left alone. Parents in the parking lot, methanphetamines found on the Father, Mother? Not sure, but certainly not with the newborn premie that had an unhooked heart monitor, a 7 year old that called the staff of the hotel and an 11 month old crawling around on the hotel floor amongst - towel covered feeces and cigaretted butts. ARE YOU SERIOUS? The tv show said they 'could get' 20 and 15 years respectively - but you and I both know these idiots will get counseling, and help, and an outpouring of consideration and love from the community and probably a house, and a tv reality show.

I'm about ready to dump my tv alltogether. If I had even .......oh never mind but I'm with ya sister.......I have been there for 20 years plus.

HELP THE ONES THAT ARE HELPING THEMSELVES FIRST......has NO merit anymore and hasn't for a long time.

Nope.....let's alll help the ones that have lost complete control of all their inhibitions, get chance after chance after chance - and then let's all sit in the doctors office while they preace consistancy and DETACHMENT to US!?

YEAH-------------and they wonder why I'm a radical? Pass the duct tape.

 

[AnnieO]

...And when certain people, who have USED THE SYSTEM, then turn around and abuse it more, nothing happens to them.

I hope BM files her taxes soon - so we can get some of the CS back... Sigh.

She used to tell the kids that she NEVER got CS from husband... When he was paying it... Turns out, the state was taking ALL of it for her welfare koi. Hee hee hee!!!

...However, by my calculations, she owes over $2500. CSEA says $1000. How?!

When we asked for an audit after husband was done with support, and they sent it, I could not for the life of me figure out how they did their calculations. Following their OWN AUDIT - he overpaid. By around $10,000. But the paperwork showed an even zero balance. HUH?!

 

[Hound dog]

Step, contact a lawyer, have husband call them on it. I didn't even know you could do that, until while filing for bankruptcy the lawyer told us he'd take care of it.

We had Oh and Mo battling over balances for like 5 yrs. Then Mo told us twice it was paid off, twice went back on it 3 months later........... yeah. Lawyer did take care of it. First it was getting our tax returns reinstated. (we hadn't seen one after our 2nd yr of marriage) but then about 3 months later low and behold Mo did this huge audit of our acct. Next thing we know.........husband gets several thousand dollars in CS back from Mo with an apology.

This is why I believe child support system should be shut down completely. It's so broken it's not even funny. I won't even go into the women out there popping out babies as fast as possible by as many males as possible just to collect CS, they same way they used to collect welfare.

Yes I believe both parents should be responsible about supporting their child. But the child support system doesn't not force that. Those who would have normally supported their kids are the ones paying. Those who wouldn't........still don't and find ways to continue not to. Very few people are actually forced by child support to pay up and by the time they are the child is usually nearly grown and so what the heck is the point?? Dunno just saying the govt can't make a loser be responsible.

My biodad was one of those irresponsible losers who chose to forget his 1st 5 kids for the 3 of his 2nd wife. Mom went through heck and back trying to get him to pay. He went to prison for a year over it. Still not one payment ever. Not one. Taught my bros to never walk out on your kids. Taught all of us there is no such thing as a free lunch, it's root hog or die. Tough lessons. Was a tough childhood. We learned, we came out better for it. While dear ol' dad is sitting alone in a nursing home somewhere in indiana with no visitors, no phone calls, nothing. Karma is a b*tch.

After being involved with katie and M severely neglecting / abusing my grands since the day they came into the world.......living off govt programs, the charity of others.......always flying under the radar.........Those kids should have been removed 10 yrs ago. Only now do we stand at the brink of that happening.

I lost faith in the govt systems ages ago. They're so broken.......so ridiculous. And they think they can run a healthcare system? Uh no, I seriously know they can't. ugh

 

[Star*]

My favorite?

My sister and niece - Sister works at two hospitals and makes a nice income. Not filthy rich, but has a child with this man. MAN works and makes 6 figures as a contractor. They never marry. He goes off and marrys another and has 3 boys. NEVER has so much as offered diaper money for my niece. Finally after begging for money for 12 years to raise HIS daughter she takes him to court. He is ordered to pay support, and NOT much either - $250 a month. Why so little? Because my SISTER makes good money. RIDICULOUS.
Not the MOST ridiculous yet -

HE quits his business - QUITS it - and starts working UNDER THE TABLE - and sister takes him back to court. Tells the judge he's working UNDER THE TABLE. He tells judge - I have a wife, three boys - I had to sell EVERYTHING I OWN to pay for my bills, and this support. Judge BUYS it - and stops the support. OMG STOPS the support. Suspends it until he gets a JOB and ON HIS FEET because MY SISTER IS MAKING GOOD MONEY WORKING TWO JOBS......

WE HAVE PROOF THAT HE IS STILL RAKING IN 6 figures under the table but BECAUSE there is NO TAX FORM? The judge called it "INADMISSABLE".

PICTURES of him working? Inadmissable?
Pictures of him buying new tools? Indamissable?
Pictures of him buying and owning new vehicles, toys? Indamissable?

WOW......

THAT is crappy - and here's the kicker - My niece will be 18 in 3 months - and guess who is going screaming to the court to tell them he's no longer responsible?

And guess who NEVER called when he found out she was in a near fatal accident?

WHAT A LOOSER.

Yeah - I think I'd be sending him the hospital bill ----------let him have a near fatal heart attack for THAT.

 

[KTMom91]

Oh, yeah...Hubby faithfully paid the CS, every month it was deducted from his pay, same amount even though we had one of the boys here, and after he'd overpaid, because the county didn't stop the garnishment order when they were supposed to? Sorry, you need to collect it from her. Excuse me? You made the mistake, not us. Tough.

And with Useless Boy...I got NO HELP from the DA's office on enforcement, and I was all over them at least once a month. I gave them the changes of addresses and jobs...every time UB even took a tiny step into a new county, I reported it. Called one time with a new work address for him, and they were too doggoned lazy to look up the phone number of the business...tried to tell me they couldn't collect anything without it. I totally blew my top. I know that if I'd been on welfare at any time, they'd have fallen all over themselves to collect, but they just kept letting UB slide, and of course, his county-hopping skills made it worse.

GRRRRR.

 

[KTMom91]

And Star...at least in CA, there is no statute of limitations of child support. If your niece cares to pursue it after she's 18, she can contact Family Support and open her own case. Last time I had a helpful conversation with a CS worker, I was told I could still file a claim for the support my father owed for me, and I turned 18 several years ago.

 

[klmno]

choir chiming in

 

[Star*]

That.......is VERY interesting........I shall tell her. (klmno) LOVE THE SONG.......hahaha.

I however opted for NO support. When I got my divorce? I asked for TWO things......and my judge was this crotchety, old, Southerner who didn't like 'disention' in his courtroom. He also didn't like women. Mattered not that my attorney showed up for my divorce in a flac jacket (not kidding) and that there were two police on the roof of two buildings as lookouts for my x - thinking he would try to come to court and shoot me (not kidding again).

I asked for my maiden name back - a much better one that the one I had to endure the past 13 years. I asked for a life-time order of protection. Given the evidence presented and degree of my abusive history? I got both. Then when it came to support? I stated I didn't want it. Judge said "You are being very foolish." I said "I don't believe so." Then he began to explain to ME why I would want to 'get it'. Then I began to explain to HIM why I would not and stated that for 13 years I WORKED THREE JOBS, I TOOK CARE OF MY SON, I CHANGED EVERY DIAPER, I TOOK HIM TO EVERY DOCTORS APPOINTMENT, I MADE SURE HE HAD CLOTHES, A HOME, AND AN EDUCATION - HIS FATHER MADE SURE THAT WHEN HE WAS DONE DOING DRUGS? HE GOT HATS, AND DISNEY WORLD FROM A GUILTY CONSCIOUS - and to DRAG ME into court FROM WORK for EVERY TIME that I KNEW this man WOULD NOT pay support? Was a waste of MY TIME and the COURTS time. The judge pounded his gavel.....Gave me a reprimand.....and had some harsh words - so I fired back (not normally sassy to a judge - and honestly my first time in front of one---) I sassed and said "I'll tell you what - You give me my name and that protection order and I'll pay that looser $25.00 a week to stay AWAY from us." and everyone in the courtroom laughed out loud. And that was pretty much the end of it - except for the judge lying and saying once he signed the order I could NEVER come back and ask for child support. -----Had I known? I would never have, but I would have allowed Dude to do whatever he wanted. Which is why he's there now, and he's found out very quickly WHY I never went after him for a single thing - Child is so much smarter than his mother .....only took him two years to see what it took me 13 to see....The guy is worthless, a liar, a jerk, a joke, and not worth the hassle - and it's going to be WAY better to let the man upstairs have his say over why he left his wife and son out in the cold than anything we could do vindictive......the vengence isn't ours.....we got on the best way we could and left the boat anchor behind. Happier for it.

 

[AnnieO]

OHHHHHHHH This thread is getting to me... LOL... Because back when husband was paying support? It was based on her income - and what the judge DECIDED husband COULD MAKE. It's called "imputed income" and it's perfectly legal, and can be back-dated up to the child's birth - AND - any forgiveness of CS canNOT be backdated at all. It took husband's support from $100 a month (not bad, but considering he could not get/keep a job with BM stalking him, with a CPO against him... I know this is true, all the open "child molestation" investigations popped up on his security checks - to $600 a month. WHAT?! He had managed to get a PART-TIME JOB, earning about $300 a month total, because it was an on-call thing. He was IN SCHOOL, getting paid by the VA to go to school. He had to quit school because of her antics with the kids. Meaning? I'm glad he's got his koi together with his business, because otherwise...

The judge said husband *could* earn $5000 a month after taxes.

OK I have a degree, I have been there for 8 years and I don't earn $3K a month after taxes. And I'm overpaid for what I do!!!

Now when husband got residential? He had had a job for almost 6 months, so they used that. They decided she would pay based on the previous year's income, where she had helf a PART-TIME JOB at Waffle House for 4 months.

Honestly? The child support we are SUPPOSED to get, wouldn't pay for groceries for the kids only. And we don't even get that. But - you know what? If we could have her STOP SUPPORT and just GO AWAY? Yeah, I know that's not gonna happen. But darn, it's a nice dream.

And husband hasn't been able to ask the lawyer to go back for a review of support. Supposed to be able to do it after 18 months, but we've only had the new judge for 1 year. Kids for 4... But we're doing it, because we're gonna need LOTS of help with Onyxx's treatment. Not that she will pay - we have determined that she owes ME - not counting what husband has spent, just ME - well over $12K for raising her kids. Assuming she only pays her 34% that the court says she must (and hasn't yet). Actual bills have been submitted and - She won't pay husband until he can show he has paid the DOCTOR, but she will only PAY the DOCTOR. (Hello? Wait a second. If the doctor's already paid? Yeah. We're not that stupid.)

 

[DDD]

Another choir member joining in....

GFGmom received disability for difficult child for the six plus years he lived with us full time. Amazingly the government figured it out when difficult child was 18 and eligible for adult disability. Guess what they did? They have recaptured the money by deducting it from difficult child's adult disability and garnishing some wages from GFGmom.

Hmmm....no, the money did was not offered to us. Now adult difficult child has greatly reduced benefits until it is paid off. GFGmom remains in charge of his monthly income. WTH! Oh, yeah, she also collected CS from his bioDad until he was 18. No...we never saw a penny and she went to Court every chance she could to get CS increased. Barfy systems. DDD