I know this is a stupid question

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by barbie, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    What does depression feel like? I can't say I feel sad, but I certainly don't think Ive smiled a genuine smile in a long long time. I am angry and irritable but then again with three of these "great" kids I am outnumbered. My eldest who is 7, yes 7, has started stealing my things. She purposely took a sunflower oil I use on my skin because Im allergic to all the other ****, stuck it in her book bag and let her "friends" use it, she also took my sunglasses, my hairspray, my moms lotion, and NO its not for personal hygiene most nights I can't drag her into the tub. She doesn't know why, or atleast she isn't telling. She was grounded al weekend because she was doing the same thing. My middle girl, the 6 yr old is more "stable" right now, and for the most part so is Eric. I do have the added pressure that my mom isnt working and the day after my birthday last month her boyfriend walked out of his job, which leaves me as the only adult in the house with a full-time job. My mom is at a temp job but this week so far I had to leave work early cause Danae was sick at school, Thursday morning I have to take Eric to the new psychiatrist and Friday morning is Linda's turn, Danae turn in friday afternoon and Linda is seeing the new pediatrician at 1:30. I'm on this "diet" I've been doing well, I have lost 13 lbs total in one month and 5 inches total. In one hour on an elliptical I complete almost 5 miles. You know Im just tired of screaming and being frustrated, and feeling like this great big old bag of angry all the time. I've never actually been depressed so I need some feedback.HELP!!!!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I decided to ask the Dr. about Lexapro based on CD family members saying that it might be good to seek some help. My depression wasn't obvious. I didn't curl up in a corner or cry alot or miss work. I felt overwhelmed by all the stress, felt upset inside and looked forward to the end of the day without looking forward to the beginning of the next.

    Like you I wasn't sure. Luckily for me, I tried that Rx and began to feel a bit more like my old self. After about six months I weaned off. It's been over a year and I'm sensing "maybe" I might need to try it again.

    If you have a Doctor you like, I'd suggest making an appointment and discussing it with him. Good luck. DDD
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Barbie, I'm sorry you aren't feeling like yourself. Check out this link for a lot information about depression. There is more to it than just the symptoms listed below but I printed them out here to start you out.



    Symptoms of depression include:
    • Loss of interest in normal daily activities
    • Feeling sad or down
    • Feeling hopeless
    • Crying spells for no apparent reason
    • Problems sleeping
    • Trouble focusing or concentrating
    • Difficulty making decisions
    • Unintentional weight gain or loss
    • Irritability
    • Restlessness
    • Being easily annoyed
    • Feeling fatigued or weak
    • Feeling worthless
    • Loss of interest in sex
    • Thoughts of suicide or suicidal behavior
    • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
    Depression symptoms can vary greatly because different people experience depression in different ways. A 25-year-old man with depression may not have the same symptoms as a 70-year-old man, for instance. For some people, depression symptoms are so severe that it's obvious something isn't right. Others may feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why.

  4. judi

    judi Active Member

    Totally agree with Suz: depression has different symptoms in each person. Each person's symptoms affect them in different ways. So...to get a diagnosis of depression, its important to consult with your medical provider so that they can put the whole picture together. Take care and I hope you feel better soon.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Barbie}}} Like DDD, my depression isn't debilitating and actually, it wasn't until I spoke with my DR and she said, "I think you may have some situational depression going on" and prescribed me something did I even think of it. I swear it, I thought it was menopause coming on fast and furious (which is in fact at play, though not fast and furious-lol).

    My "situational depression", as my DR put it, was caused mostly by the fact that I had a difficult child who was putting me through the ringer, my marriage was suffering as a result, my mom had recently been diagnosed with the earliest stages of dementia and my oldest daughter had moved away to college. My DR explained how all of those things, despite a healthy diet and exercise put many mothers (who are the main caretake of their families) at risk for symptoms of depression. Some can pass through it okay, but for others who deal with the above issues consistently are at risk and often benefit from medication use along with their own brand of therapy - such as workouts, talk therapy, whatever.

    I agree you should see your DR. Hugs - and best of luck.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    My daughter Nichole takes after her Dad. Her depression expressed itself as anger. She simmered on a low boil most of the time. (that feeling that she'd blow at any moment) And then would periodically (often) explode for what appeared to be no reason. (or at least not enough for her reaction) It also showed up as fatigue. She was tired all of the time, went to bed early and woke up late every morning.

    Her Dad is the same way. For both of them, when they found medications that worked for them.......well, they were back to themselves again. medications helped Nichole get over "hump" and she's not needed for well over a year. husband could still use them but is resistant right now.

  7. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    "In terms of depressions a situation can naturally result in a depressed like response. You have described a situation where you have a lions share of respocibility riding on you and it is alot of stress. What you are doing by lightening up yourself, getting plenty of excersise is very healthy behavior.
    It might be a good thing for you to talk to your doctor about it and maybe get some conseling if you can so that you are supporting your mental health with coping skills for this time in your life. What I do to avoid carrying my adult worries to my family who needs my full undivided attention for their needs is have support like calling a help line and talking over the daily grind and your "stuff" as needed so you are debriefed and unburdened when you get home and are then confronted with the others needs.
    Writing down what is on my agenda befor I go to bed is a way I "do everything I can" about what are my responcibilites and goals. that way I can honestly remind myself that I have done everything I can for today, and then give myself the clear space to rest well.
    Here is a Brainstorm idea: if going to the doctor is interfering with your work, and if being away from the job or lossing income potential is MORE STRESS...then why not ask the pediatrician for appointments during hours that are a fit for your work schedule? Perhaps write a letter pointing out that lossing work time places your family in jeapardy. It is certainly not JUST YOU who has this type of concern. Also will your insurance alow you to use an urgent care facility for some appointments so that you can get your school age kids seen after your work hours? Or befor?
    Maybe once you bring this up to your physician either they will schedule you late
    even extending hours, or at minimum maybe you can loose minutes at the end or beginning of a shift and not hours for these neccisary medical checks.
    Also if there are other adults who have less or no work could one of them manage the medical appointments for your children? Perhaps with the MD calling you or e-mailing you so that you get the findings first hand after ward and can ask any questions that arrise? Or taking your child to the office where you also arive directly from work and then taking the child home again so that you spend the least possible time away from your work?
    doing a depressive symptome check list may help you to decide if you are having a clinical depression. Definately go and get some evaluation if it conserns you because
    wether you are or are not the stress is getting to you and you are wondering. Like you do not have enough on your plate!
    If you do not already have one get a big office calendar for the new year for the family plans and daily chore checks. Carve out the time for you each month and take it off. Do something for you. Make plans that all your family can live with and look forward too. time for fun and games. Plan special week-ends where the sleep in time is LATE.
  8. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    What depression feels like to me is dull. sometimes I feel like I am swimming through glue just to think. It is like I am emotionally muted. For me I have to be somewhat undepressed just to cry...and I do not have good crys. If I get up enough to cry then if I stop crying I have a hang over from crying that last days.
    I do not tend to anger easily anyway. I am naturally a patient and thoughtful person. When I am depressed as the depression lifts a little THEN I feel angry.
    ANd I have so many good reasons to latch onto about that!
    Fortuantely for me and others I have spent plenty of time in my life learning about emotions and accepting myself and others with those states. It helps me to pick versions that are not abusive to whirl in my head.
    the first line of defense for the able bodied is DANCE. people who dance are physically fit, in the act of dancing especially in groups learning the dancer trys on the emotions like costumes and takes in and lets out the energies, in dance there are the moments and hours in relationship with others that is on and elevated level like no other activity, the dancer embraces and releases emotional states and at the end of the day the dancer sleeps well and dreams.

    Hope this serves you. The question is not 'stupid' at all. That is a fantastic uestion and I am very much interested to read what others have to say to answer it!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well there's something I never considered or even was told about -

    Daisy said Nicole simmered in anger and that was her depression -

    OMG That is Dude too

    Well little Pixie girl.....I've had depression that was situational, clinical, and suicidal. Sometimes I needed "mothers little helper" only to find out that it was making me even more depressed.

    There is a small/quick depression test that they hand out at most doctors offices. You have to answer the questions honestly in most cases for the doctor to prescribe anything to help with your type of depression.

    Then there is the fact that NOT all antidepressants work on each person. Zoloft made me suicidal. Paxil was fantastic for my moods, but coming off it it put me in the hospital overnight. Welbutrin made me aggitated and angry even more. St. Johns Wort broke me out in Hives.

    I would wonder with 3 "great" kids, if there is ANY time you get for YOU. Even if it was 1 hour a week with a therapist who did nothing more for you than sat in a chair and let you unload for 45 minutes - then made some suggestions for improving your mood? I'd go for it.

    I dont' know how anyone takes care of ONE difficult child without the cheese slipping off their cracker let alone three - just something to consider.

    Also for me? Walking is very "cleansing". But every time I left? difficult child would ask "Can I go?" back to square one. lol.

    Hugs - oh and by the way - NO question is stupid. When you're curious - you need to ask. You're a very smart woman - and have a curious mind and to think that you are considering the fact that you are depressed and are asking advice? VERY smart. (just FYI)
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My dysthmia (sp?) or chronic depression not severe enough to be major depression is like Nichole's. I simmer in anger and there is nothing to be angry about. It can be pretty severe, the anger. I remember being so p!ssed off over nothing and I just wanted to drive my car into a tree JUST to feel the impact. I wasn't suicidal. I just needed to hit, kick, scream, yell. And then comes the apathy.

    My major depression is different. It's all-consuming. It hurts to breath. It hurts to be. It's a mixture of emptiness and acute pain and feeling so completely alone. It's all I can do to get through the day. I can't handle anything else. It's full survival mode. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know there are a lot of signs of depression, and it truly IS different for everyone. for me, personally, one of the first signs is a craving for a cigarette. I was a social smoker off and on for a long time until I figured this out. Now, when that craving hits, I reach for my prozac and in about 2 days it is gone. I don't need the prozac all the time, and it is the ONLY AD that ever worked for me. But it does work, and I can really tell a difference when I take it.

    If you watch yourself, you may find similar "tells" in your thoughts or behavior. I will say it would be a rare person who could parent our kids with-o sometimes needing some outside help.

    I hope you feel better soon.
  12. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    I am just feeling completely overwhelmed. Between work and the coming home to "react" one situation or the other, I don't relax. I go to the gym on my lunch hour, so my hour is I feel rushed. I am going to the gym to lose weight but not because I want to be "thin" I have a medication-large frame I will never be "thin", My butt gives JLo's a run for the money. During my pregnancy with "special" surprise #3, I developed pregnancy induced hypertension and was a gestational diabetic, I know that if I don't lose weight I will be diabetic and on blood pressure medication. I am not obese, I don't think. The point is I don't relax, when I get that elliptical at the end of my hour and 4.86 miles, I feel like I need to do more, but I have to get back to work. Or I have to go home and "deal"

    I guess I'm just going stir crazy. I'm already certifiable for sure, within my house I'm normal, but I doesn't feel that way.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry you feel this way. I hope you can carve out some "Me" time soon, to help you relax.

    My husband uses meditation and relaxation cds (burned onto his new mp3 player) to help him get to sleep. They really help him, and they also help my daughter very much. maybe something like this would help. I can ask him about free ones you can find online that are helpful, if you would like. I know when I have a migraine they REALLY help me.

    Sending gentle hugs.