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Parent Emeritus
I launched, my sibling didn't, and I think my parents need help.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 726304" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Glad you posted.</p><p>in my opinion, if this was presented by you with accuracy, it seems unfortunately as though your parents are not as upset as you about your lazy sibling. And you sound like you are trying to force your sibling (or strongly suggest) he work when he is quite comfortable unemployed, not under pressure to grow up or get out, and you sadly have no control over him or your parents.it ca be frustrating.</p><p></p><p>I am sure you have spoken of the situation to all. But you can't make them care enough to take action. And nobody can force your sib to work. Nobody. Your parent can threaten to make him (I will call your sibling a him) leave if he stays unemployed and see if that works. They can cut off any money to him and I hope they don't infantilize him by paying for things like his cell phone and clothes, but you can't make them stop if they do.</p><p></p><p>I often ask parents on this forum who still house their 29 year olds if they really want a 39 year old still living at home....if not, make them leave now. But not all parents do. Some feel guilty even making a 39 year leave.</p><p></p><p> Some parents are 80 with 60 year olds at home and they still support them. See what I mean? I personally would not tolerate an able bodied 25 year old who didn't work to reside in my house, no matter how deep the love. And love of a child is so indescribably strong. I think that it is bad for them though when we allow this lack of production unless the grown kid is severely disabled. But I am not everyone and all parents are different.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, hon, this is 100 percent out of your hands. You can not control your parents or sibling. You can only control yourself. An.intervention only works if everyone is ready and willing to act on the consequences if the family member doesn't comply.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you can do or should do about your parent's final wishes in my opinion. It is their hard earned money and what they want for it is what you must abide by. Even if it isn't smart and could cause grief.</p><p></p><p> I would not do what your parents did in their will regarding a child who never worked, but again...all parents are different. I would have put you in charge of the assets. I think that would make more sense. But....I am not your parents.</p><p></p><p>My suggestion is to stop concentrating on this situation and focus on your good life with hub and kids if there are kids and don't waste time on what you can't control. Your parents don't have to like the road your brother takes. If they are REALLY that upset with him, they can take action. But that still probably won't make sibling live the life they want him to. by the way, good for you for making something out of yourself!!!</p><p></p><p>Ok, so there is this...If our kids lived life our way, this forum wouldn't exist <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Move on and let the chaos belong to them. It really is out of your hands. There is no resource for your parents unless they want to change their behavior, then there is therapy. It may help them!</p><p></p><p>You can try a lawyer but doubt they can do anything. But, hey, you can talk to one.</p><p></p><p>Take care and enjoy your life, knowing you are a contributing member of society. Nowadays, that's a big deal. There are plenty who don't care. I am not your parent, but I think you are doing great.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 726304, member: 1550"] Hi there. Glad you posted. in my opinion, if this was presented by you with accuracy, it seems unfortunately as though your parents are not as upset as you about your lazy sibling. And you sound like you are trying to force your sibling (or strongly suggest) he work when he is quite comfortable unemployed, not under pressure to grow up or get out, and you sadly have no control over him or your parents.it ca be frustrating. I am sure you have spoken of the situation to all. But you can't make them care enough to take action. And nobody can force your sib to work. Nobody. Your parent can threaten to make him (I will call your sibling a him) leave if he stays unemployed and see if that works. They can cut off any money to him and I hope they don't infantilize him by paying for things like his cell phone and clothes, but you can't make them stop if they do. I often ask parents on this forum who still house their 29 year olds if they really want a 39 year old still living at home....if not, make them leave now. But not all parents do. Some feel guilty even making a 39 year leave. Some parents are 80 with 60 year olds at home and they still support them. See what I mean? I personally would not tolerate an able bodied 25 year old who didn't work to reside in my house, no matter how deep the love. And love of a child is so indescribably strong. I think that it is bad for them though when we allow this lack of production unless the grown kid is severely disabled. But I am not everyone and all parents are different. Unfortunately, hon, this is 100 percent out of your hands. You can not control your parents or sibling. You can only control yourself. An.intervention only works if everyone is ready and willing to act on the consequences if the family member doesn't comply. There is nothing you can do or should do about your parent's final wishes in my opinion. It is their hard earned money and what they want for it is what you must abide by. Even if it isn't smart and could cause grief. I would not do what your parents did in their will regarding a child who never worked, but again...all parents are different. I would have put you in charge of the assets. I think that would make more sense. But....I am not your parents. My suggestion is to stop concentrating on this situation and focus on your good life with hub and kids if there are kids and don't waste time on what you can't control. Your parents don't have to like the road your brother takes. If they are REALLY that upset with him, they can take action. But that still probably won't make sibling live the life they want him to. by the way, good for you for making something out of yourself!!! Ok, so there is this...If our kids lived life our way, this forum wouldn't exist :) Move on and let the chaos belong to them. It really is out of your hands. There is no resource for your parents unless they want to change their behavior, then there is therapy. It may help them! You can try a lawyer but doubt they can do anything. But, hey, you can talk to one. Take care and enjoy your life, knowing you are a contributing member of society. Nowadays, that's a big deal. There are plenty who don't care. I am not your parent, but I think you are doing great. [/QUOTE]
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I launched, my sibling didn't, and I think my parents need help.
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