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Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I launched, my sibling didn't, and I think my parents need help.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 726361" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>First I want to congratulate you on launching successfully. What a special person you are to reach out trying to get some help/advice on how to deal with your brother that does not see the need to mature.</p><p></p><p>I can imagine how hard it must be for you to watch this, unfortunately there is not much you can do.</p><p></p><p>You mentioned that your dad has tried talking to him. I also understand from what you shared that your mom makes excuses for him. If I'm understanding this, your dad is more willing to want to see him progress along - get a job and move out, where your mom seams perfectly happy to continue enabling him.</p><p>I understand your concern about when your dad passes and how things will play out. I would suggest that you sit down with your dad and share your concerns. Your dad might be willing to make some changes. He should share these concerns with his lawyer who can direct him as to different options, perhaps a separate trust for your brother that would give him a monthly allowance.</p><p>Are you the executor? If so your brother would not be able to stop you from selling the house. He might be able to make it difficult but the final say is up to the executor.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you and your husband agree that when the time comes that you will not be the default place for your brother to stay. Stand firm in your decision and don't back down no matter the pressure and guilt that may be put upon you. Your brother is not your responsibility.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you the very best!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 726361, member: 18516"] First I want to congratulate you on launching successfully. What a special person you are to reach out trying to get some help/advice on how to deal with your brother that does not see the need to mature. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to watch this, unfortunately there is not much you can do. You mentioned that your dad has tried talking to him. I also understand from what you shared that your mom makes excuses for him. If I'm understanding this, your dad is more willing to want to see him progress along - get a job and move out, where your mom seams perfectly happy to continue enabling him. I understand your concern about when your dad passes and how things will play out. I would suggest that you sit down with your dad and share your concerns. Your dad might be willing to make some changes. He should share these concerns with his lawyer who can direct him as to different options, perhaps a separate trust for your brother that would give him a monthly allowance. Are you the executor? If so your brother would not be able to stop you from selling the house. He might be able to make it difficult but the final say is up to the executor. I'm glad you and your husband agree that when the time comes that you will not be the default place for your brother to stay. Stand firm in your decision and don't back down no matter the pressure and guilt that may be put upon you. Your brother is not your responsibility. Wishing you the very best!! [/QUOTE]
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Parent Emeritus
I launched, my sibling didn't, and I think my parents need help.
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