I lost it ugh

[southermama3]

Yesterday with the storms and what not I was already running on low energy. I try to stay optimistic and purky no matter what happens, but my patience was very thin.

So here's what happened. As I said yesterday my son (2) has been sick the last few days. Just like other children they get clingy and whiney. I went out on carpool to pick up the girls. Once there they got in the car and turtle was running FULL steam ahead. When she does this it literally wears me out just to listen to her. Since she has these issues I have to chose smaller settings to take them too with simple chores like grocery shopping. Well we went into Winn Dixie and just getting out of the car it started. She got out running and jumping around and literally slammed the buggy into my car. (UGH) Into the store I'm starring at my phone for my list and she's touching, jumping, talking/yelling and I'm standing in produce trying to get my salad and thats when strangers just start that STARE. I WANT TO SMACK them when they do that. ITs like they are assuming and summing up how bad of a parent you must be because your child can't control themself. So I bent down and told her to tone it down that she needed to stop and lookk at her conduct. She got quiet for a few minutes and I headed out to check out. Once in line I was checking out and she started the jumping touching yelling blah blah and I literally LOST IT. I screamed, as loud as I could, TO STOP! I kept saying STOP STOP STOP and the cashier just looked at me. By this point I am completely humiliated, crying and just trying to throw the freaking groceries in the buggy. I got out to the car and was crying so uncontrollably I couldn't stop. Lord its like if I can't control myself 24/7 how can I help her?!

I am completely embarassed.

 

[buddy]

Sorry I had to chuckle a little... Not AT you.. .just that I think anyone who judges anyone in that position has no kids. Even typical kids have those days... but you live it over and over...

for me, grocery shopping is not a little chore. NO WAY I would have gone with her already showing signs of that.


And I think there are many here would say, who cares what people think... I would probably be shopping elsewhere for a while, lol... I do get sensitive to what others think, but I am WORKING on it!

I have lost it on my son, not in public but I have lost it for sure. I have definitely cried too. In fact those were the only times he worked super hard to make up, gentle hugs, talking sweet, etc. He feels so badly.

I can't remember her issues.... which one is she? I am thinking the younger one, the older one is the one with the testing you shared right? I hope you can get to a computer soon to make your signature because I feel badly asking you again... forgive me??

Today you have the IEP for her right? If things are improving I hope they share what they are doing so you can do similar things at home. We have a behavior program at school (the part that is working) and we use it at home, with his community workers, etc. It is so nice to be consistent for his sake. That is a huge transition from school to a grocery store. I can see how she would find that too overwhelming to do a better job.

Sorry for your experience there, but heck...you are human like all of us right... that is where the chuckle comes from... I bet loads of us can relate to losing it.

HUGS

 

[JJJ]

Is she medicated?

Without the medications, my boys -- not matter how hard they tried -- would not have been able to behave and would have acted just like that.

 

[TeDo]

I'm with you JJJ. Without the medications, I wouldn't take difficult child 1 ANYWHERE!! No way could I handle that.

 

[Bunny]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I think that every one of us here can honestly say that we have had days where we've completely lost it with our kids. It just happens. It will get better.

 

[myeverything04]

I had the exact same thing happen to me last week at the grocery store. I HAD to stop (we were out of everything we use on a daily basis) and difficult child was out of control the minute we walked in. She was jumping off the cart, standing on the piles of snow/ice salt, running up & down the isles, singing loudly, etc. I decided that I would grab what I needed for dinner that night and that night only and get the heck out of there before I myself lost it, which I have done in public by the way so you are not the only parent who has cried in the middle of a store
I don't have any other children so I can only imagine how hard it was for you. Is it possible next time your daughter is wound up from school for you to skip the store and wait until your fiance is home from work before going?

I do think I would take her in for an evaluation (if you haven't already) as it seems like there is more going on then just being hyper and not listening. Hugs to you and I'll be thinking about you!

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear! I know the feeling! They get on your last nerve and yank it right out.

I agree with-myeverything04 ... pick her up from school and go to the park, or go home and meet a sitter, but don't go anywhere where you expect to accomplish anything.
One thing I did with-my son was to have him pick up one or two things for me and put them in the cart. That sort of worked. He'd either pick a brand I didn't like, or would go so fast that I couldn't get the other items. Sometimes he'd pick whatever was closest and just start clearing the shelves, right into my cart. Yeah, 20 cans of the same soup, 15 boxes of cereal, whatever was the right height and the brightest color ... (I wonder now, how many shoppers he tripped or rammed into with-o my knowing it, since I sent him on his own.)
If you absolutely have to run errands, is she old enough to go through the aisles on her own to help you? Will she stay on task?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Sorry, I missed the part about this being "right after school".

Even with a difficult child who is now much more under control, "after school" is out for absolutely EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN. Including doctors appts.

FIRST... snack and down-time.
THEN... maybe.

 

[southermama3]

Well she's 9 almost 10. Not medicated yet but we have been there done that Rx wise.

Here's the MAIN problem I have. I feel my experience in nursing I have the capability to stay calm in disaster situations. I do have 3 kids ages 9 to 2. My fiancé is a waste of space. I have to take all three kids with me to my own doctors spots which are very frequent bc I have Moderate RA and epilepsy. His "fix" to these situations is over medicate her to were she's completely emotionless. He does not try to help me with any of these problems. Essentially I'm a single mom with ONE BIG disability that I have to help her get the ability to handle this. Which I think is partly to blame for the breakdown.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hmm.
You're being awfully hard on yourself. Nursing is a skilled field, not a personality guarantee. Even Mother Teresa lost her temper now and then.
Any chance you could get rid of your fiancee? Sounds like if he's a waste of space and you're already overloaded, you don't need one more kid on your hands.
How old are your girls again? I'm trying to think of places to go and things to do. Or not to do.

 

[southermama3]

Oh I have been thinking of ways to drop him. He's like an old BOOT. He's my sons father and with all of these issues he has checked out. My medical problems has costed me a lot of days in the hospital along with a lot of surgeries. It has put a major strain on our relationship and dealing with my childrens disorders he's not able to cope. Hence why I carry alllll of the baggage.

Heres a recap of their problems:

9yr F; molested by bio dad from 9mos age to 4; she sees a psychiatrist but its to talk about her PTSD from the divorce, loss and molestation. She was diagnosis with adhd and placed on medication that didn't help so we Difficult Child that. She was retested dec and her tests revealed a iq of 77. She was granted a IEP where she receives Special Education in a normal class room that helps her stay on task, organize, longer test times, outside help in math and reading comprehension.

8yr F: PTSD from molestation with- night terrors and bed wetting. She is very intelligent and is in the gifted program because she is bored in 2nd grade. She makes straight A's but has to go outside the classroom for speech.

They are like daylight and dark.

What I do to help burn off energy with my 9yro is I take her to indoor play areas to play for an hour on the weekend. I have to be creative with teaching her outside of school and currently we work on efficently moving and remembering 3 tasks. Sounds easy but is like holding a alligator down for a root canal.

All of your ideas are GREATLY welcomed. So throw 'em at me girlfriend. =P

 

[jennd23]

Do you work on weekends? After school is off limits for us too. We don't do ANYTHING after school. Not even a "quick stop" for milk, etc. If we need somethign that bad, I get it before I pick up difficult child (assuming I can get out of work earlier). It can be time consuming but I make a detailed plan for the week and carefully plan my grocery list and only go on the weekends. I don't like mid-week stops anymore than difficult child does though, I like our routine too

 

[southermama3]

No unfortunately I'm disabled. We do not do anything after school. If I need small things I go to the speedway by our house they sell some groceries. I had to go to winn Dixie to get meat and it's like touch and go with her. Somedays I can handle it and once home we cook, homework and bath. I like our routine too. We haven't stayed out past dark for I know 9 mos or more.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Can you stop at the store on your way TO the school to get the kids?
Either that, or make the stop after you drop them off at school?

 

[southermama3]

Yeah I can and I feel dumb for not thinking of that! BIG DOH moment for me lol something so simple I made it hard. Lol

 

[InsaneCdn]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You'd be surprised how many of these DOH! moments we've all had. Mine were other things...
Its part of the advantage of a board like this - people are willing to state the obvious.
(and people don't shoot us for stating the obvious, either!)

 

[buddy]

As long as Q gets a snack I am lucky at this point (wasn't always like this) but now, he actually does fine as long as it is the PLAN! If on a schedule, he is fine to go anywhere, but we always do a snack first.

Nice to think of something that is easier for us than most, lol... there are not many things like that haha!


Why are you staying with fiancee did you say?? because he is dad to the little one? But is it healthy for little guy to be in a home like that? I know there is not an easy answer but I worry for your health, they really need you.

 

[buddy]

Do you have any stores that will shop for you and you can do a drive thru? We have stores like that here as well as online/delivery stores too.

The online stores a little more expensive but you can use coupons too and just be smart. But the stores that shop for you do not charge more for that. Here where I am that is....

Some who dont normally advertise they do that will do it for elderly or disabled people.

 

[TerryJ2]

Great ideas!

Southernmama, sheesh, I didn't remember that about their history. The bio dad is not in jail? How old is your son?

 

[southermama3]

I don't have any stores like that I wished I did though.

I'm at a point with my fiancé I started to emotionally detach myself and I'm in the process of getting into a town home. I'm waiting for HUD to approve me. I just can't take the stress. Stress causes my RA to be worse and has brought on seizures. He swears I've found another person but let's be realistic..my kids are dealing with so much and so am I WHy would I go find another man to babysit?! I know I can survive on my own and I don't need him. It's just getting to be too much.

My son is 2 and his dad is never home when he's not working he's hunting or at his brothers house. He never takes us with him to hang out at his brothers house. I classify him a's a glorified bachelor with the benefit occasionally play "family man" to the outside world.

I am just so tired y'all really tired.