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Family of Origin
I Love a Narcissist. Now What?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666760" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>When my mother asked me to try to love my sister, she would remember her sister, my aunt. </p><p></p><p>I have been thinking about my aunt since last night. How she tried to own any success I ever had...as if it was her. Just because she thought I was very smart and could achieve. She was responsible. It has this same color to it...</p><p></p><p>After my aunt died, my mother said: my sister loved me as I was. Why could I not have loved her as she was? I miss her so much.</p><p></p><p>My mother always felt less than her sister. And her sister always felt less than my mother. All the millions of dollars in the world never changed anything. A central grievance of my mother was that my aunt would not give her money, help her financially.</p><p></p><p>My mother, then, had more than a million dollars. She would accumulate even more. She still felt her sister needed to take care of her. And if she did not? She was mad at her and a bad sister. I guess that was how my mother felt about me when I was not happy she stole my inheritance. How unreasonable of me to not accept the need to always put my mother's needs first. In that way my sister is my mother's daughter truly.</p><p></p><p><em>How in the world do we even think ourselves out of this?</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>All four of my grandparents left their parents in the old world. I never heard one word of guilt about leaving their families. I think moving on is the normal thing.</p><p></p><p>The warped thing is the recrimination, guilt and self-guilt that we hurl at ourselves. We feel responsible and we are not.</p><p></p><p>I love my sister because that is who I am. Even if she is a serpent. That does not mean I like her venom.</p><p></p><p>There needs to be a way to feel our love for them...without the self-attack, and accepting the longing for what never was and never will be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666760, member: 18958"] When my mother asked me to try to love my sister, she would remember her sister, my aunt. I have been thinking about my aunt since last night. How she tried to own any success I ever had...as if it was her. Just because she thought I was very smart and could achieve. She was responsible. It has this same color to it... After my aunt died, my mother said: my sister loved me as I was. Why could I not have loved her as she was? I miss her so much. My mother always felt less than her sister. And her sister always felt less than my mother. All the millions of dollars in the world never changed anything. A central grievance of my mother was that my aunt would not give her money, help her financially. My mother, then, had more than a million dollars. She would accumulate even more. She still felt her sister needed to take care of her. And if she did not? She was mad at her and a bad sister. I guess that was how my mother felt about me when I was not happy she stole my inheritance. How unreasonable of me to not accept the need to always put my mother's needs first. In that way my sister is my mother's daughter truly. [I]How in the world do we even think ourselves out of this? [/I] All four of my grandparents left their parents in the old world. I never heard one word of guilt about leaving their families. I think moving on is the normal thing. The warped thing is the recrimination, guilt and self-guilt that we hurl at ourselves. We feel responsible and we are not. I love my sister because that is who I am. Even if she is a serpent. That does not mean I like her venom. There needs to be a way to feel our love for them...without the self-attack, and accepting the longing for what never was and never will be. [/QUOTE]
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I Love a Narcissist. Now What?
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