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Parent Emeritus
I love my kids no matter how screwed up they are...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 630209" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. You may want to copy and paste your post onto the Parent Emeritus forum where our kids are over the age of 18. You will likely receive more responses in that forum.</p><p></p><p>There is an article at the end of my post here on Detachment, it is helpful for us parents to read it.</p><p></p><p>Your kids have run into some walls lately. It's sad and difficult and often devastating for us to watch from the sidelines as our kids lives implode. I have been in your shoes. However, once they are adults, their lives are in their hands. We can be supportive to a degree, but the rest is up to them. They have to pull themselves out of the depressions they are in. </p><p></p><p>You seeing your own granddaughter is a different issue. If you can gain some rights to her and that is what you want to do then do it. She is your granddaughter, attempting to take care of your sons feelings while he is stuck in his depression does not sound like a good idea, taking action on your granddaughter's behalf seems like a positive course of action.</p><p></p><p>Both your kids have suffered some bad times, however, it is up to them to find their way out. Reading the book MWM suggested would be a good idea. Any kind of counseling you can find to help YOU to figure out what your boundaries are would be a positive step for you to take. Many of us here have to find some kind of professional support to be able to detach from our adult kids and their issues, choices and problems. </p><p>It's hard to let go of our adult kids and allow them to figure life out on their own. We can provide our love, our kindness, our guidance if they ask us for that, but in the final analysis, there is really nothing we can do. They have to make the choices to come back to life.</p><p></p><p>"My husband loves my children too - but he feels that they are adults and I have to back off and let them deal with their problems on their own."</p><p></p><p>I agree with your husband. These are your kids battles to fight. Get yourself some support so that you can be okay and you can enjoy your life regardless of what your kids are doing or not doing. I know that's a tall order, but otherwise, you go down with their ships and there is absolutely no reason to be doing that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 630209, member: 13542"] Welcome. You may want to copy and paste your post onto the Parent Emeritus forum where our kids are over the age of 18. You will likely receive more responses in that forum. There is an article at the end of my post here on Detachment, it is helpful for us parents to read it. Your kids have run into some walls lately. It's sad and difficult and often devastating for us to watch from the sidelines as our kids lives implode. I have been in your shoes. However, once they are adults, their lives are in their hands. We can be supportive to a degree, but the rest is up to them. They have to pull themselves out of the depressions they are in. You seeing your own granddaughter is a different issue. If you can gain some rights to her and that is what you want to do then do it. She is your granddaughter, attempting to take care of your sons feelings while he is stuck in his depression does not sound like a good idea, taking action on your granddaughter's behalf seems like a positive course of action. Both your kids have suffered some bad times, however, it is up to them to find their way out. Reading the book MWM suggested would be a good idea. Any kind of counseling you can find to help YOU to figure out what your boundaries are would be a positive step for you to take. Many of us here have to find some kind of professional support to be able to detach from our adult kids and their issues, choices and problems. It's hard to let go of our adult kids and allow them to figure life out on their own. We can provide our love, our kindness, our guidance if they ask us for that, but in the final analysis, there is really nothing we can do. They have to make the choices to come back to life. "My husband loves my children too - but he feels that they are adults and I have to back off and let them deal with their problems on their own." I agree with your husband. These are your kids battles to fight. Get yourself some support so that you can be okay and you can enjoy your life regardless of what your kids are doing or not doing. I know that's a tall order, but otherwise, you go down with their ships and there is absolutely no reason to be doing that. [/QUOTE]
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