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Family of Origin
I love this. It could have been many of us talking.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 655102" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>That is a stumbling point for me: Shouldn't I be more open, more loving, more kind. How are we all ever going to make oways out of this if everyone is rigidly encased in roles that were toxic to begin with?!? <em><strong> Sure, as we both found out, if we want to encourage them to scapegoat us more.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>But that way didn't work, either.</p><p></p><p>It is all confusing to me, still.</p><p></p><p>But I like that she said, "None of this is wrong."</p><p></p><p>I do feel like thinking the way I have been lately is wrong. But I also feel the way I was thinking before was wrong. I feel so differently toward them since the way they responded to what happened to my daughter.<em><strong> There comes a day that even people like us who were so abused that we believe "you are treated the way you deserve to be, you evil biotch"....yes, even the day WE figure out that our reality (that it was all our faults) suddenly becomes clear and we see that our FOO was a living lie. And there is no going back. The actual last straw for me just happened. I found out that Sister, who refused to be in contact with me, was still obsessing over me and my "badness" by reading what I wrote here. I'm still in her head, whether she is talking to me or not! I had always though out of sight, out of mind. She blew her cover and there is only her and my brother left to scapegoat me.</strong></em> <em><strong>She lost a lot of her credibility with me. She hadn't dumped me. She was punishing me. It's a bit confusing, but *I* know what I mean. Does that make me a liar?</strong></em></p><p></p><p>And to my son too, now that I think about it.</p><p></p><p>They seem not to be remotely who I believed them to be. <em><strong>This one I figured out over a decade ago. It's a shock at first.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>I think this lady who emailed you was on the right path. None of this is wrong. Surely the other adults in this toxic mix have a responsibility, too, <em>if they want to see this changed.</em></p><p></p><p>Maybe that is the key.<em><strong> Sure they do. Going along with it is not okay. </strong></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 655102, member: 1550"] That is a stumbling point for me: Shouldn't I be more open, more loving, more kind. How are we all ever going to make oways out of this if everyone is rigidly encased in roles that were toxic to begin with?!? [I][B] Sure, as we both found out, if we want to encourage them to scapegoat us more.[/B][/I] But that way didn't work, either. It is all confusing to me, still. But I like that she said, "None of this is wrong." I do feel like thinking the way I have been lately is wrong. But I also feel the way I was thinking before was wrong. I feel so differently toward them since the way they responded to what happened to my daughter.[I][B] There comes a day that even people like us who were so abused that we believe "you are treated the way you deserve to be, you evil biotch"....yes, even the day WE figure out that our reality (that it was all our faults) suddenly becomes clear and we see that our FOO was a living lie. And there is no going back. The actual last straw for me just happened. I found out that Sister, who refused to be in contact with me, was still obsessing over me and my "badness" by reading what I wrote here. I'm still in her head, whether she is talking to me or not! I had always though out of sight, out of mind. She blew her cover and there is only her and my brother left to scapegoat me.[/B][/I] [I][B]She lost a lot of her credibility with me. She hadn't dumped me. She was punishing me. It's a bit confusing, but *I* know what I mean. Does that make me a liar?[/B][/I] And to my son too, now that I think about it. They seem not to be remotely who I believed them to be. [I][B]This one I figured out over a decade ago. It's a shock at first.[/B][/I] I think this lady who emailed you was on the right path. None of this is wrong. Surely the other adults in this toxic mix have a responsibility, too, [I]if they want to see this changed.[/I] Maybe that is the key.[I][B] Sure they do. Going along with it is not okay. [/B][/I] [/QUOTE]
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I love this. It could have been many of us talking.
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