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I love this. It could have been many of us talking.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 655442" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It's not even the stalking, or the sense of disrespect that demonstrates. It's the hatred, the sense of celebration when something bad happens to us, and the ~ I don't know. That sense that someone is zipping in for a snatch of flesh when we have been hurt, and we vulnerable. It's stepping back far enough to see it, and to realize that is how they feel about us. </p><p></p><p>I still don't exactly get the win in it.</p><p></p><p>It must be that none of us means for it to be the way it is. My sister said something like that to me once. She said: "I know. I can't help it." Maybe having my mom at her house for so many months at a time tipped everything into the danger zone for her.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I KNEW IT!!!</p><p></p><p>I have worked with people with that diagnosis. You did not seem that way to me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ha! I love this.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p><p></p><p>I will use it often. I think I got "biatch" from you, too.</p><p></p><p>Terminal cool.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a good phrase for all of us to focus on. I think we cannot heal to the core until we realize the casual, everyday nature of the abusive stances our FOO consisted of. We need to know what did happen, but we also need to really comprehend, on a gut deep level, all the good things that did not happen, for us. I am not even blaming or naming names, here. I am saying there are children "shown concern and sensitivity and love and support" as a matter of course. To them, to those of us so fortunate as to have had that in their lives...I can imagine how well nurtured and secure that would feel.</p><p></p><p>And that is what I am concentrating on, now. I think that is why the simple effort of being kinder to myself was so valuable to me. Listening to my favorite blast from the past radio station KFCD was disturbing, and so sad. I wish I'd known how unrelenting those old negative tapes can be, sooner.</p><p></p><p>And how continually they play.</p><p></p><p>I ride in on my Conduct Disorders motorcycle now, and insert commercials from Deepak.</p><p></p><p>:O) </p><p></p><p>But even now, I might do the same things, take the same positions with my FOO. I am glad I tried, without really knowing I was trying anything in particular but to be a decent person. And we never do know where all this is going to turn out going. (Oh brother. Here it comes. <span style="font-size: 12px">I have been a fool for lesser things.<span style="font-size: 18px">)</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-size: 18px"><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/starplucker.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":starplucker:" title="starplucker :starplucker:" data-shortname=":starplucker:" /></span></span></p><p></p><p>I like to think about how it must have felt, to grow up in a family where not being perfect was okay. Just think what it must mean to follow a thing through until you got it without being ashamed that you hadn't gotten the concept, immediately. Remember long division? It was like I'd been struck dumb or something. I did not understand then that intuitives have a tougher time with math because it does not make intuitive sense. Even now, I still cannot believe that all you do in math, at any level, is follow the rules. Do what they tell you, whether it makes intuitive sense or not, and you will be fine. </p><p></p><p>I wish I'd known those kinds of things, growing up.</p><p></p><p>That it was okay not to get it, that everyone is different, that it takes all of us to make this work.</p><p></p><p>All in all, I have lived a fortunate life filled with all kinds of blessing. My kids and grands (and D H) are fine. who ever thought that would happen. We're coming through it all so well ~ all of us, even here on the site.</p><p></p><p>Special appreciation to Runaway Bunny. This site is an incredible thing, and we are all so fortunate it exists. I see too, the way we get in little spats and disagreements and then, rise above them.</p><p></p><p>So we are pretty special kinds of people, too.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 655442, member: 17461"] It's not even the stalking, or the sense of disrespect that demonstrates. It's the hatred, the sense of celebration when something bad happens to us, and the ~ I don't know. That sense that someone is zipping in for a snatch of flesh when we have been hurt, and we vulnerable. It's stepping back far enough to see it, and to realize that is how they feel about us. I still don't exactly get the win in it. It must be that none of us means for it to be the way it is. My sister said something like that to me once. She said: "I know. I can't help it." Maybe having my mom at her house for so many months at a time tipped everything into the danger zone for her. I KNEW IT!!! I have worked with people with that diagnosis. You did not seem that way to me. :O) Ha! I love this. :hugs: I will use it often. I think I got "biatch" from you, too. Terminal cool. Cedar This is a good phrase for all of us to focus on. I think we cannot heal to the core until we realize the casual, everyday nature of the abusive stances our FOO consisted of. We need to know what did happen, but we also need to really comprehend, on a gut deep level, all the good things that did not happen, for us. I am not even blaming or naming names, here. I am saying there are children "shown concern and sensitivity and love and support" as a matter of course. To them, to those of us so fortunate as to have had that in their lives...I can imagine how well nurtured and secure that would feel. And that is what I am concentrating on, now. I think that is why the simple effort of being kinder to myself was so valuable to me. Listening to my favorite blast from the past radio station KFCD was disturbing, and so sad. I wish I'd known how unrelenting those old negative tapes can be, sooner. And how continually they play. I ride in on my Conduct Disorders motorcycle now, and insert commercials from Deepak. :O) But even now, I might do the same things, take the same positions with my FOO. I am glad I tried, without really knowing I was trying anything in particular but to be a decent person. And we never do know where all this is going to turn out going. (Oh brother. Here it comes. [SIZE=3]I have been a fool for lesser things.[SIZE=5])[/SIZE][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][SIZE=5]:starplucker:[/SIZE][/SIZE] I like to think about how it must have felt, to grow up in a family where not being perfect was okay. Just think what it must mean to follow a thing through until you got it without being ashamed that you hadn't gotten the concept, immediately. Remember long division? It was like I'd been struck dumb or something. I did not understand then that intuitives have a tougher time with math because it does not make intuitive sense. Even now, I still cannot believe that all you do in math, at any level, is follow the rules. Do what they tell you, whether it makes intuitive sense or not, and you will be fine. I wish I'd known those kinds of things, growing up. That it was okay not to get it, that everyone is different, that it takes all of us to make this work. All in all, I have lived a fortunate life filled with all kinds of blessing. My kids and grands (and D H) are fine. who ever thought that would happen. We're coming through it all so well ~ all of us, even here on the site. Special appreciation to Runaway Bunny. This site is an incredible thing, and we are all so fortunate it exists. I see too, the way we get in little spats and disagreements and then, rise above them. So we are pretty special kinds of people, too. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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I love this. It could have been many of us talking.
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