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I made him leave.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677514" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Just now I read an article online for Ebony Magazie by Michaela Angela Davis. The article begins when her 8 year old daughter goes South and attends church where she hears "you must treat your neighbor as yourself." The child extracts from this the wisdom that one must first love oneself to love others.</p><p></p><p>The mother describes her panic because she knows she herself struggles with self-love, lamenting of her own self-abuse as a young woman, and how she came to begin to care for self by modeling her loving care of her own child.</p><p></p><p></p><p>"I began to model my love for myself after the love I had for my darling daughter. I told myself encouraging, empowering, delightful things—out loud. I fed myself wholesome, delicious meals, regularly. I made sure I got plenty of rest and plenty of play. When I got cranky, I took an adult-sized time-out via meditation or a walk. I allowed myself adventures and space to be reflective and creative. I honored my imagination and tried not to take myself too seriously. If something hurt me, I said that it hurt, in real time. (And, psst, I sought help for pain that wouldn’t go away on its own.) I rose to “Good morning, beautiful” and set to “I love you” every night. I practiced mothering myself—something one can do even if you’ve never given birth."</p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe that I am not the only one who came to love myself a little bit, by loving my child.</p><p></p><p>Almost all of us here on this board have come to experience a collision, between our ability to love and care for ourselves...and our children's decisions in their own lives. It became impossible to keep loving both ourselves and our children...in our own space.</p><p></p><p>That is what I am dealing with here and now. My son keeps coming back to be rescued by me. And I cannot do it. It is not only that there has been more of a decade of rancor, fear, and betrayal. It is that I have nothing to give him that I can afford to give. Every bit of care that he wants from me, it seems that I take away from that which is essential for me.</p><p></p><p>M. Angela Davis was able to generate more care in herself to learn to care for herself, using her love for her child as a model.</p><p></p><p>With my own adult son, he seems to take everything that I have to give. I feel I have nothing left. Instead of the idea of generating, there is the very real depletion of stores, of resources. Until I am left absolutely distraught, bereft, desperately without. When he is here. Near me.</p><p></p><p>I cannot feel my home is a refuge for me, when my son is here. Not only do I feel I have nothing to give. I feel I have lost everything that I have. Not only that I am all used up but that I have no way of regenerating in me. I feel that my son eats me up alive.</p><p></p><p>M thinks it is my fault.</p><p></p><p>I do not know what is wrong with me.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677514, member: 18958"] Just now I read an article online for Ebony Magazie by Michaela Angela Davis. The article begins when her 8 year old daughter goes South and attends church where she hears "you must treat your neighbor as yourself." The child extracts from this the wisdom that one must first love oneself to love others. The mother describes her panic because she knows she herself struggles with self-love, lamenting of her own self-abuse as a young woman, and how she came to begin to care for self by modeling her loving care of her own child. "I began to model my love for myself after the love I had for my darling daughter. I told myself encouraging, empowering, delightful things—out loud. I fed myself wholesome, delicious meals, regularly. I made sure I got plenty of rest and plenty of play. When I got cranky, I took an adult-sized time-out via meditation or a walk. I allowed myself adventures and space to be reflective and creative. I honored my imagination and tried not to take myself too seriously. If something hurt me, I said that it hurt, in real time. (And, psst, I sought help for pain that wouldn’t go away on its own.) I rose to “Good morning, beautiful” and set to “I love you” every night. I practiced mothering myself—something one can do even if you’ve never given birth." I believe that I am not the only one who came to love myself a little bit, by loving my child. Almost all of us here on this board have come to experience a collision, between our ability to love and care for ourselves...and our children's decisions in their own lives. It became impossible to keep loving both ourselves and our children...in our own space. That is what I am dealing with here and now. My son keeps coming back to be rescued by me. And I cannot do it. It is not only that there has been more of a decade of rancor, fear, and betrayal. It is that I have nothing to give him that I can afford to give. Every bit of care that he wants from me, it seems that I take away from that which is essential for me. M. Angela Davis was able to generate more care in herself to learn to care for herself, using her love for her child as a model. With my own adult son, he seems to take everything that I have to give. I feel I have nothing left. Instead of the idea of generating, there is the very real depletion of stores, of resources. Until I am left absolutely distraught, bereft, desperately without. When he is here. Near me. I cannot feel my home is a refuge for me, when my son is here. Not only do I feel I have nothing to give. I feel I have lost everything that I have. Not only that I am all used up but that I have no way of regenerating in me. I feel that my son eats me up alive. M thinks it is my fault. I do not know what is wrong with me. COPA [/QUOTE]
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